DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my dear husband for 20 years. Several years after our wedding, I found out he was dipping chewing tobacco. I was very upset because I realized he had been keeping a major secret from me. He has tried to quit several times, but starts up again.
It makes me furious every time I see proof of this disgusting habit. I have had to lie to my kids when evidence was left in his truck. I'm at my wits' end. I know he will quit only when he is ready, but how do I live with it? -- UNHAPPY ABOUT IT IN TEXAS
DEAR UNHAPPY: People who are addicted to chewing tobacco are at risk for cancers of the mouth, tongue and throat. I would be shocked if your husband's dentist hasn't discussed this with him more than once, because these cancers can be not only disfiguring but also life-threatening, if the patient can be saved.
There are medical interventions to help people who are hooked on tobacco -- but only if they want to be tobacco-free. An online community, TheQuit.org, offers information on helping someone stop chewing tobacco. Check it out.
My advice for living with an addict is to join a support group. It will help you recognize that you can't "fix" your husband. He and he alone is responsible for his own fate.