DEAR ABBY: I have a 20-plus-year high school friend who is fighting ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). I have developed a close relationship with him and his parents. His mom has shared some of his comments with me, but he hasn't shared those thoughts with me himself. The comments are, "I want to die," or, "I want to go home to God."
I think listening and being a supportive friend is what I can do for him, but I'm at a loss as to what to say to his mother. I don't know what advice to give her so she can be supportive in her conversations with her dying son. -- DEEP SORROW IN OHIO
DEAR DEEP SORROW: I agree that listening and being supportive is what you can do best for your friend. When the son raises the subject again with his mother, she should tell him that she loves him and will see that his wishes are carried out, even though losing him will be losing a part of herself.
When you see the mother again, ask if he has an advance directive for medical decisions in place. In it, a person can specify that only palliative care is preferred.
A group that offers guidance in drafting these important documents -- and one to which I contribute -- is Compassion and Choices. The toll-free number is 800-247-7421. If your friend does not have an advance directive, it's important that he make one now.