DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several months ago, I was in a serious car accident. I am recovering well, but the accident has left me with lingering pain and mobility issues.
At least a dozen friends and family members have felt the need to tell me how "lucky" I am that the outcome was not worse.
While I am, of course, grateful not to be dead or paralyzed, it is not pleasant to be tired and in pain, and I find it a little difficult to smile and agree that yes, I am lucky.
Is there a polite way to let people know that these sentiments, while well-meaning, may come across as thoughtless and hurtful? I've come dangerously close to snapping, "If I were lucky, none of this would have happened in the first place!" but perhaps you can suggest a more elegant approach.
GENTLE READER: Ah, yes, a car crash. Some people have all the luck.
Miss Manners agrees that this all-too-common response to the troubles of others is peculiarly annoying. Notice that these people are not expressing their own relief and gratitude that you were not killed. They are directing you to do so.
It is true that nearly any situation could, theoretically, be better or worse. Cheerful people often tell themselves that misfortunes could have been worse (while others make themselves miserable by complaining that their good fortunes are never enough). But it is not for others to say.
A milder version of your rejoinder would be, "Well, I wish you even better luck than I have had."