DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 73-year-old mother has a Yorkie-pug dog, and she insists on taking her pet everywhere. After being asked to leave most places that serve food, she used the Internet to order a "service dog" vest. Now she again takes this dog everywhere.
On Sunday, she met the family at a restaurant and tried to set this small dog in a chair next to her, then took a plate off the table, put food on it and fed the dog. The family and I were stunned at her manners. She feels it's all right since it's a "service dog," which it really is not.
What are the right manners with a service dog in a restaurant?
GENTLE READER: As far as Miss Manners knows, they are not empowered to arrest other dogs for impersonating those in their uniformed service, but perhaps they ought to be. A Yorkie-pug lapping from a plate at the table while supposedly on duty is a disgrace to the profession.
Your mother and her dog might want to take their act to France, where dogs are welcome in restaurants. In the United States, it is not just considered unmannerly but illegal to bring non-working pets into restaurants.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have in my possession a gift, a quilt, which was made for me and given with love. I like the quilt very much and responded with a warm thank you card.
Several months later, the maker of this quilt decided we could no longer be friends. I did not respond as well as I wished to, and communication quickly deteriorated. The last thing I said to her was, "I'm here if you want to talk about it," to which she responded, "Thank you." That was a year ago.
For six months I kept this beautiful quilt in my home. But every time I looked at it, it reminded me of the pain of the lost friendship. For the next six months, I packed it away, but it still troubled me when I saw it.
I have an opportunity to donate this quilt to a school fund-raiser. I think it would please a quilt-lover and help the school, so this seems to be a good approach. But am I doing a disservice to the original intent of the gift? It was made for me, with cloth that had significance, and is so lovely. Am I a fool for associating it with the sad memories?
GENTLE READER: No, presents are supposed to be symbolic. Otherwise, what is the point of those endless rounds of handing merchandise to one another?
The idea is to associate the object with your and the giver's feelings about each other. Engagement rings, for example, should be treasured above their intrinsic worth when things go well, and flung back in disdain, despite their intrinsic worth, if things go bad. Miss Manners has a hard time making greedy ladies understand that.
The chief warmth of your quilt, however beautifully made it was, quite properly came from the meaning of your friendship. When that is gone, if it is truly gone forever, you may as well let someone enjoy it merely as a quilt.
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