DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to move out of my parents’ home, but I don't know how to even begin to plan for such a drastic change. I know some people manage to reestablish themselves quickly, but I am at a total loss. I just started working, so I am making a low salary, but I do have a job. My parents offered to let me stay here while I get on my feet. How long should I stay? How much should I save? What should I research? Should I learn to drive before considering this larger leap? Any tips and advice will be appreciated! -- Leaving Home

DEAR LEAVING HOME: Start by figuring out where you would like to live. Research what it costs to rent an apartment in that area. Figure out if you will need a roommate, or if you can afford to pay rent with the income that you currently make. Many young people start off with roommates in order to defray costs.

As far as driving goes, it depends on the area where you will live and work. If you need to drive in order to get around, by all means get as prepared as possible. Get a license and a car, if you can.

In terms of savings, ideally you should save up at least six months’ worth of your anticipated living expenses. That would include rent, food, utilities, gas, car payment, etc. If you can start out in that way, you will have a nice financial cushion to support your leap into independence.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my parents because my college semester had just ended and I wanted to surprise my little brother. I walked in on him smoking a vape -- he’s in middle school!  He made me promise that I wouldn’t tell our parents. I’m not sure what to do now. I don’t know if it’s smart to tell my parents, because they may overreact. I also don’t want to betray my brother's trust. I’m not sure which of my friends I can talk to, since they either aren’t the type of friend I can share things with, or they vape themself. What should I do? -- Brother’s Keeper

DEAR BROTHER’S KEEPER: Before talking to your parents, decide to stay in closer touch with your brother. Tell him that the only way you won’t tell your parents is if he promises not to vape anymore and that he doesn’t lie to you about it. Videoconference with him regularly and talk to him about this life and his choices. Many middle schoolers experiment with vaping and other things. Work to gain his confidence so that he feels comfortable talking to you about his life.

It could be that keeping this secret while reconnecting with him and staying connected when you are back in college may help him more than telling on him now. Tell him about your life as a middle schooler, including mistakes you made. Talk to him about your life as a college student so he can envision the future. Visit each other as much as you can.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a strong passion for creating music. It’s hard to prioritize my art while still being a working-class citizen. As you know, hard work is key in attaining any goal. I also have to fight against the clock of life; music is a young man's game. I don’t want to leave my dreams behind me, but bills are very real. My question is: How do I balance what I want for my future and what is necessary for right now? -- Struggling Artist

DEAR STRUGGLING ARTIST: Who says you have to give up your passion as you mature? There is no time limit on exploring your creativity. Yes, you may need to have a job to earn a living, but working hard at a job should not preclude you from working on your music. 

If you haven’t already, set up a corner in your home with all of the equipment that you need to make music. Then devote at least an hour a day to pursuing this dream. I recommend an hour daily because it helps you develop discipline around your dream. If you tend to it every single day, you will see results in no time. Those results may be just for your personal enjoyment, but there's a chance that you may create something interesting enough to share with the public. Thanks to technology, there are many platforms right now where you can upload music. You can put your music out there for others to enjoy whenever you are ready. 

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been working on a project with a co-worker, and he seems to have become excessively comfortable around me. He tells me personal things, asks me personal questions and generally behaves as though we've known each other for a long time. The problem is, I'm not interested in making friends with him. He's a fine person, but I don't really like him, and after a month or so, I'm never going to see him again. How do I tell him that we're just business colleagues and not close friends without hurting his feelings? -- Uncomfortable 

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Could it be that this man is lonely and relishing the opportunity to talk to you about things that you deem too personal? As you suspect, he may be hypersensitive to your rejection, so tread lightly. Being able to work closely with someone during COVID-19 may be his only intimate human connection.

That said, you do not have to reveal details of your personal life to him -- or anyone else. Since your time together is limited, you may just want to try to guide the conversation to work-related subjects rather than telling him you aren’t his friend. When he asks personal questions, pivot to the work at hand. Say that it’s important to get the work done now. When he brings up a subject that does not interest you or that you find too personal, tell him you don’t want to talk about that. If he starts to tell you things that are too detailed about his own life, tell him that he is sharing too much information. Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable when he reveals too much.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad is a professional singer with 25 years of experience and connections I could not even dream of having. I admire all he does and want to pursue a passion similar to his. The only problem is, I don't even know where to start, and I’m nervous to ask him for help because we don't talk regularly. What do you think I should do? -- Aspiring Artist

DEAR ASPIRING ARTIST: This may be your entry point into building a closer bond with your father. Schedule a time to talk to him, preferably in person. Tell him how much you admire the career he has built and that he has inspired you to want to walk in his footsteps. Admit that you aren’t exactly sure what you want to do, but you would appreciate talking to him and learning more about the industry from him. Ask him if he would be willing to coach you.

One way to get your father to talk is to ask him to tell you stories about his life and career. People generally love to talk about themselves. Once he gets started telling stories, you will likely learn a lot about your father that you never knew before. Record video of your conversations if he will allow it. Since he has had such a long and full career, he may appreciate your documenting his story in this way.

As you are learning about him, listen to see what sparks your interest. In order for your father to be able to help you, even when it comes to introducing you to his connections, you need to have a sense of what you want to do. You have to get specific so that his introductions will count in terms of helping to open doors for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old brother came out to me as gay. I’m nervous about how other family members will treat him. Sometimes I want to tell him not to let anyone else know, but I never want him to feel that his sexuality is a problem. I’m just scared of him getting bullied and ostracized. Our father is very religious, and I feel that he may have a problem with my brother. He has made openly homophobic comments in front of him in the past. What should I tell my little brother? -- Protective

DEAR PROTECTIVE: Your brother came out to you because he trusts you. You are right to want to protect him from anyone who may belittle or hurt him, especially your father. Help your brother find support outside the home. Look for a gay youth center in your community. Look online for support groups for gay teens. Offer to be a sounding board for your brother as he explores his thoughts and feelings.

Be honest with him. You both know that your father will likely be harsh. Because your brother is a minor living in your father's house, your father’s potential reaction to your brother’s sexuality actually is a problem. That doesn’t mean it always has to be. Figure out who else in the family may be an ally. Determine whether there might be anywhere else your brother could live when he does reveal his truth. Help to set up your brother for success and safety before he tells your parents anything.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)