DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-workers are always gossiping. I am very open and friendly, but I don’t appreciate them talking about other co-workers' business. I do not take part in it. One day, someone asked me why I always ditch them mid-conversation. They said if I plan on being rude, I should stop joining them altogether. I said, “As soon as we go from talking regular to talking crap, you lose my respect.”
Looking back, I think I could have said this differently, but I felt attacked for trying to do the right thing and walk away from a bad conversation. When I was questioned and dismissed, I kind of snapped. How can I, walking away from that type of conversation, not be obvious as to why? How am I the one ridiculed? I don’t want negative energy at work, but I feel like it’s already present, and now I’m probably the topic of their little clique. I want to neutralize the situation and go back to associating with co-workers and respectfully excusing myself when I become uncomfortable. -- Neutral Co-worker
DEAR NEUTRAL CO-WORKER: You cannot control your co-workers, but you can acknowledge to them that you know you were harsh when you responded to them. Tell them you enjoy talking to them, but you just don’t like to gossip. When folks begin to talk about others, you like to step off. You aren’t judging them; that’s just not your thing.
If they stay upset, stick to your principles. Being an ally includes standing up for what’s right even if it isn’t popular.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)