DEAR HARRIETTE: We recently went on a family vacation, and our overall time was great. However, there were some uncomfortable moments. My father invited some of his family from Florida and South Carolina, and instead of exhibiting Southern charm, they were pretty rude. Our family welcomed them with open arms and tried to show them a good time, but they seemed ungrateful.
One 15-year-old kept making rude comments about my sisters and me, and when we had had enough, we confronted him about it. My dad was upset with us because he believed that since he is a minor, his mother should have been made aware of his behavior. My sisters and I are in our early 20s. What would you have done if you were in our situation? -- Family Reunion Blues
DEAR FAMILY REUNION BLUES: Your father wanted to be a gracious host. Despite whatever squabbles occurred, he wanted to stay above the fray. That is a noble philosophy, but it doesn’t take into account what happens in the moment.
As young adults, I understand why you felt you should have the agency to speak up for yourselves when your teenage cousin had gone too far with his rude comments. You haven’t detailed exactly what transpired to provoke your reaction nor specifically what you said to your cousin, but in general I can say that it can be helpful for people to work out their differences face to face if it can be done civilly. It is also true that the parent of a minor can and should be informed if that child is behaving inappropriately. In that case, the protocol would have been for you to report the behavior to your father and have him speak to the parent.