DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who tries to be helpful but ends up being whiny. When I tell her something that I’m working on, she immediately looks to figure out how she can be of help. That is generous of her. But the next thing you know, she is blowing up my phone wanting me to stop everything I’m doing to respond to her in that moment. I am busy and can’t always do that, plus her manner is really annoying. How can I change my attitude to be more open to my friend’s help? Or better yet, how can I get her to chill a bit as she is trying to help me? -- Overwhelmed
DEAR OVERWHELMED: It is wonderful that you have someone in your corner who wants to help you. Be sure to thank her whenever you speak so that she knows you are grateful. From there, tell her that as much as you appreciate her generosity, sometimes you cannot be as responsive as she would like because you are in the midst of handling something else. Suggest that during the times that she is actively helping you with something, you schedule specific times to talk.
Beyond that, don’t be so forthcoming about everything that is going on in your life. Talk to her about things that you think you would like her to respond to in her assertive manner. Otherwise, turn the tables and listen to her talk about her own life. When you are listening, you are revealing less about yourself and creating more space for peace.