DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an argument with my high school-aged son about something frivolous, and it devolved to the point where we both said hurtful things to each other. We have since put the argument behind us and acted normally, but without any real resolution or apologies from either side. As a father, at what point should I admit my transgressions, and how should I tell this to my son while conveying the idea that he is also in the wrong? -- Improving Dad
DEAR IMPROVING DAD: One of the most valuable lessons you can teach your son is how to admit when you are wrong. We all make bad decisions on occasion, and it is essential to be equipped to admit our mistakes with clarity and focus.
Your son observes everything you do. Show him through your example that you recognize your error and that you are sorry. You can tell him that you are sorry that the two of you had such a heated interaction recently. While you believe that what sparked the inflammatory moment was worthy of concern -- meaning you think your son did something wrong -- you do not like how it escalated, and you are sorry that you both said things that you regret. Tell him that even though the moment has passed, you wanted to revisit it for a moment to say that you hope the next time you have a disagreement, you both will be able to discuss or even argue a point without allowing it to turn ugly.