DEAR HARRIETTE: I've grown close to my older brother as we are maturing. Every time we talk, we have a great time. We don't live near each other, so I understand the importance of keeping in touch. However, I feel as though the effort is a little one-sided. I am usually the one who calls him, and I have visited him several times. But I don’t get the same in return.
Each summer, my brother promises he'll visit, but he never makes it up to where I live. Every time he promises to call, he never does, and I end up calling. I get that we both have a lot going on, but at some point, I don't want the dynamic to continue this way because our relationship should be two-sided. How can I get my brother to see my frustrations? -- Call Me Back
DEAR CALL ME BACK: Getting someone to change long-standing behavior patterns as he matures may be unrealistic. If it hasn’t worked up until now, why do you believe it will at this point? That said, you can attempt to get your brother to see your position.
Bluntly tell him how you feel. Remind him of how close you are and how much you enjoy each other’s company. Tell him you would appreciate him picking up the phone sometimes and also him coming to visit you. Spell it out -- you think your relationship is one-sided with you doing all the work. As you both get older, you would appreciate him being more actively engaged.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)