DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two friends who want to get married, but both of them are unemployed. They are good, smart people who find themselves struggling like crazy. I feel so bad for them. I know they are trying to get it together, but something always seems to stand in their way. A few friends have been talking about throwing them a wedding party -- something small but nice. Do you think that’s a good idea? We don’t want to interfere with their life together, but they have been talking about marriage for so long, we want to help them make it happen. -- Planning a Wedding
DEAR PLANNING A WEDDING: Your idea is lovely, but it may not be the right idea at this moment. If your friends are struggling for basic needs, a party may not be the best way for them to spend their time or your money.
I recommend that you run the idea by them. Tell them what you have in mind, and ask them if they welcome it. They may want to focus on stabilizing their lives before formally tying the knot. Or they may want to go for it. Take their temperature to see what makes sense for them. Then, honor their desire.
For example, they might appreciate whatever money you were going to spend on a party to help them pay rent or buy food. Or they may be so happy that friends want to help them cross the threshold to marriage that they decide to embrace your idea. Ask them and pay attention so that you are clear about their wishes.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)