DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is coming home from prison after being there for more than 15 years. I have built a community of friends who don’t even know that I have a child. I feel bad about that, but he has been gone so long that I haven’t talked about him. Honestly, I am ashamed of the crime he committed and the life he led that got him there, so I just walked away when he was convicted.
Now my son wants to come and live at home because he doesn’t have a job or anywhere else to live. This worries me for many reasons. I don’t want to have to take care of a grown man -- even if he is my son. We haven’t stayed in touch much over the years, and now I have a lot of explaining to do with my friends if he comes to live with me. How should I handle this? -- Wayward Son
DEAR WAYWARD SON: First things first. You need to talk to your son before he gets out to make a plan with him. Find out what his parole officer recommends. Often, people transition into halfway houses before being allowed on their own, so he may not be able to move in with you right away anyway. Find out what your son intends to do with his life. To the best of your ability, support him. That does not mean he has to live with you, though.
Regarding your friends, tell them when you are ready. You may want to confide in the people you are closest to in your friend group and share with others over time.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)