DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend told me that he was going on a business trip last week. When he got home, he dodged any questions about his trip. I did something I know I shouldn’t have: I looked at his phone and went through his text messages. While I can’t be 100% sure, it looks to me like he is seeing someone else. Maybe it’s a colleague or another person, but some of the messages while he was away seem personal and intimate -- and they are not written to me or by me. I’m not sure what to do about this. I fear that if I ask him, he will just lie. But the words on his phone definitely point to something fishy going on. How should I proceed? -- Finding the Truth
DEAR FINDING THE TRUTH: You can sit and agonize about this, or you can ask your boyfriend directly what’s going on. Come clean and tell him that you looked at his phone because your gut told you that something was wrong. Apologize for breaking his confidence by looking at his phone. Make it clear, though, that you are concerned about where you stand in your relationship. You are not interested in second-guessing him or worrying about your future. Ask him to give you the respect that you deserve and tell you if he wants to be in this relationship with you anymore. Urge him to be honest with you, even if it is hard to tell the truth. Tell him that you believe you deserve to know what’s really going on.