DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in competition with my older sister since we were kids. Now that we are middle-aged, you would think that we could bury the hatchet, but it seems like it will never happen. Almost every time we talk, she finds a way to get under my skin, needling me about something. Her specialty is making herself look like the smartest person and finding things that I have said or done that show my weaknesses. Somehow, I haven’t figured out how to avoid falling into her trap. After each conversation, I feel beat up because she is so skillful at getting to me. How can I disconnect from those childhood games and just be an adult around her? -- Sibling Rivalry, Seattle
DEAR SIBLING RIVALRY: You need to remind yourself of who you are, what strengths you possess and that your sister does not have control over you. You are an adult. When you talk to her and she begins to go in on you, end the conversation. You can be abrupt, if needed, and say that you don’t want to talk to her when she decides it’s time to make you feel bad. Say goodbye and hang up. If you are in her presence and she chastises you, walk away. If you absolutely refuse to engage her when she is rude to you, you can break the spell.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)