DEAR HARRIETTE: I am one of four siblings, and the eldest son. My father and I do not get along at all. He puts an immense amount of pressure on me to do well in every aspect of my life. Now, I understand that parents need to put pressure on their children for them to succeed, but the extremely high standards my father has for me are driving me crazy. For example, I grow facial hair quickly. I hate shaving and enjoy having a beard. Every time I see my father, we get into a massive argument about my beard and how it is unprofessional to have a beard. This is just one example of how petty our arguments are and how our entire relationship is based on pressure and fighting. Do you have any advice on how I can create a better relationship with my dad? -- Constantly Arguing, Ithaca, New York
DEAR CONSTANTLY ARGUING: Do your best to consider your father’s perspective. When he was growing up, a clean-shaven man was a successful man. Honestly, that is still commonly true, though, thanks to Prince Harry, who got married wearing a full beard, it’s clear that times are changing!
Your job is to listen and learn from your father as you also pave your own way. If you have identified a field of work that allows you to wear a beard, let your father know that. Similarly, consider each of your father’s recommendations seriously. Do your best not to judge his suggestions. Think about how you might incorporate what he has said into your own plan. When it works, be sure to tell him. When it doesn’t, stay your course. Do know that what your father is attempting to do is to keep you safe and capable of building a successful life for yourself. Some of his advice is worth considering; don’t make the mistake of dismissing what he has to say.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)