DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in Boston with three other roommates in a great apartment in the middle of the city. My grandparents are coming into town next weekend from Ohio. I haven’t seen them in a couple of years, so I am excited. They have planned a dinner with my roommates and me one of nights they are here. The problem I am having is that my grandfather is old-fashioned in the sense he is extremely homophobic, and one of my roommates is gay.
I want my roommate to feel proud of who he is when introducing himself to my grandfather, and I don’t want him to feel hurt by whatever comments my grandfather may make at dinner. What do you think I should do about these two people attending a dinner together? -- Scared for the Meeting, Boston
DEAR SCARED FOR THE MEETING: The best thing you can do is to prep your roommate. Make sure he is aware of your grandfather’s views on homosexuality and that he often speaks his mind. Chances are, your roommate has had his share of people giving their opinions about his sexual orientation. That doesn’t mean he will like the way your grandfather may behave, but it does mean it will likely not be a shock to him. Be prepared that your roommate may choose not to attend the dinner, knowing that your grandfather may be rude to him.
Apologize in advance for any inappropriate comments that your grandfather may make. As far as your grandfather goes, ask him to be kind to your roommates. Tell him how much you enjoy sharing the apartment with them and that you are proud to invite him to get to know them. I wouldn’t tell him that one of your roommates is gay. Just encourage him to be kind.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)