Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Job Offer May Be Too Good to Be True

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a private tutor working in New York City. I have been working with a family who lives on the Upper East Side for six months. They have a 7-year-old son, and I love working with him and enjoy interacting with the family, too. Next fall, the family is moving to London for a job opportunity. Last week, my boss approached me about moving to London with them to continue my tutoring position with the family. All of my expenses would be paid in addition to my usual tutor salary. The offer sounds great, but I think it might be too much for me to uproot my entire life to move to London with a family I have known for only six months. Do you think I should take the risk and move? -- Tutoring Job in London, Manhattan, New York

DEAR TUTORING JOB IN LONDON: Congratulate yourself on being an excellent tutor and a trustworthy individual. That this family who has known you for such a short time has extended this invitation is proof that they value you tremendously.

Life is filled with risks and opportunities. You need to weigh the pros and cons of the move. Write down what you like about the idea and what you don’t. Be specific. List the questions that you have as well. For example, if you will be living at the family home, what are the ground rules? Will you be expected to baby-sit for the child, and, if so, what is the compensation? Can they give you a formal employment contract for a specific period, after which you renegotiate? Think through it all and ask them everything that you can imagine so that you can get comfortable with the idea. Personally, I think it sounds like a wonderful opportunity!

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a father of three beautiful girls. My wife wants to have another child. As much as I love the idea of making our family bigger and having another baby, I am apprehensive about the idea of having another daughter. Don’t get me wrong -- I love my girls more than anything in the world, but the thought of having four daughters is intimidating.

I have always wanted a son and would be ecstatic if my wife and I had a boy, but there is no way of guaranteeing that. I know that may sound selfish, but is it? Should I discuss with my wife that I want another baby only if it’s a boy? -- Yearning for a Son, Denver

DEAR YEARNING FOR A SON: You need to get realistic. There is no way that you can ensure that your wife will give birth to a son, at least not to my knowledge. If you want a son that badly, you may want to talk to your wife about adopting a boy. You can express your concerns to your wife, but be clear that neither you nor she can control the sex of the child that you bring into the world.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Read more in: Family & Parenting | Marriage & Divorce | Sex & Gender