DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker is going to a fancy event, and she asked me if she could borrow my shoes. I thought that was an odd request, but I get it. She doesn’t have dress shoes, and I do. The thing is, I don’t let people borrow my shoes -- not even my family. I’m kind of skittish about the hygiene of this. How can I say no without hurting her feelings? She is so excited about this event and wants to look perfect. -- Not My Shoes, Denver
DEAR NOT MY SHOES: Be honest. Tell your co-worker that you have never loaned out your shoes because you are a germaphobe. Make it clear that this includes your family, too. Admit that you may be an extremist, but this is who you are.
You can pivot by telling her where you bought your shoes and making recommendations for where she can find affordable dress shoes. The good news is that there are many affordable outlets to consider. If you are up for it, you can even offer to go shopping with her to help her pick the perfect pair. This will show her that you care about her, even as you have your boundaries. But stay firm. If you aren’t comfortable lending your own shoes, don’t do it.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)