DEAR HARRIETTE: My stepchildren have a very strong work ethic. They have both been working since their early teen years and are practically self-sufficient. My children, however, are older than my stepchildren and still struggle to keep entry-level positions (or even serving jobs). I wish I could take some of my stepchildren’s desire to succeed and give it to my children. Where did I go wrong? I tried to give my children the world. -- Need a Boost, Milwaukee
DEAR NEED A BOOST: You sound like a lot of parents these days who went above and beyond to ensure that their children had everything they needed to succeed. Interestingly, the desire to give has backfired for a lot of families. I believe this is because people need to work for what they achieve. Your intention did not yield the results you desired, because your children didn’t have to stretch as much as they needed to build that muscle of discipline that leads to success.
It is not too late. Talk to your children about their desires and dreams. Ask them to let you know what they want to do with their lives, and then encourage them to go for it. That may mean going back to school or choosing a different field for their work. Don’t use your stepchildren as an example. That will anger your children. Just encourage them to take their lives more seriously -- starting now.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)