DEAR HARRIETTE: I am sober since a near-death experience with alcohol poisoning. I have learned to cope without a drink or shots at the bar; however, I have learned that people question my sobriety behind my back. I hate these rumors swirling, considering they aren't true. Should I confront the perpetrators of the rumor, or simply take the high road? -- Sober Sally, Dallas
DEAR SOBER SALLY: One of the side effects of stopping drinking (or any other communal habit) and still hanging with people who do it is that people will talk. You cannot control their chatter, nor should you try. What you must do instead is guard your sobriety. Even though you are strong right now, you may want to consider fortifying yourself by going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, at least for a while. You can gain insight into why people do the things they do with excessive drinking, and learn strategies for how to stay sober in the long run. These meetings are confidential, and many people have testified to their immediate and ongoing support in keeping them sober. Go to aa.org to find a meeting in your area.
One of the things that 12-step programs suggest is that you be aware of people, places and things. I mention this because your hanging out at bars with your friends could be dangerous in the long run. You may want to consider choosing more neutral locations to get together with them, as you also consider widening your friend pool. Find some sober friends to be part of your inner circle.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)