Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Reader Wants to Starting Asking for Help

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't like my engagement ring. I was surprised when I was proposed to, and I didn’t take much time to gaze at my ring. After nearly two years of looking at it, I have grown to like it less and less. The diamond is clearly beautiful, but the band is far too thick for my hands, and the design is much more retro than I’d like. Is there any way I could go about changing my engagement ring now? I have never heard of anyone doing this, and I wonder if my now-husband would even realize if I secretly did it. -- New Ring to It, Dover, Delaware

DEAR NEW RING TO IT: Instead of secretly changing your ring, bring it up to your husband. Tell him that as much as you love him, you actually wish that your engagement ring were more reflective of your personality and taste. Tell him that you want to either reimagine your ring and have it recast to your vision or design another ring that reflects who you are more accurately. Ask for his blessing and support.

Hopefully in your marriage you have had some moments where you have learned more details about each other’s traditions, preferences, styles and ideas. This is another of those topics, albeit a potentially important one. On one hand, there is the magic and fantasy of a surprise engagement accompanied by a ring. On the other is a person’s daily life. You have to strike a balance between the two and help your husband understand who you are and what your style is so that this will not appear as a rebuke.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)