Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole


DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend in town who is performing at a pub in Greenwich Village. I am excited to support her and had planned on inviting friends to go along with me. Then I saw how much the tickets cost -- more than $100. I went ahead and bought a ticket, but I didn't feel comfortable asking my friends to pay to go to this event. They don't know her, and I could not afford to pay for them. Now, though, I feel a little awkward going by myself. Do you think I should invite my friends and let them decide if they want to pay the hefty price? -- Conflicted, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR CONFLICTED: I think you should give your friends the chance to decide for themselves if they want to go to the concert. If you can find a link to your friend performing to show her in action, by all means share that. Talk her up. Tell them what you like about her and why you have chosen to support her. Let them know that you are going, how much the tickets cost and that you would love it if one or more of them chose to come along.

If you do end up going by yourself, don't fret. You will not be alone. It is likely that the space will be filled with people like you who really want to see the show. Don't think of your experience as being uncomfortable. You know you are in for a treat. Enjoy! You may even make some new friends. And your singer friend will be thrilled that you came out to support her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: "Doing Way Too Much" has a friend who always makes a scene. Talking rarely works with such people because they don't think they're doing anything wrong. Videotape the tantrum and show them how they're acting. That's MUCH better than talking. -- Wise Up, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WISE UP: In this day and age when just about every cellphone can make a video, you are surely onto something! Videotaping a scene as it unfolds and then playing it back to the person who created it puts the moment in that person's face. It is likely much more difficult to skirt the issue if you can see for yourself how you behaved.

Of course, some people are so entrenched in their denial that they may be able to explain away bad behavior. But having physical evidence of rudeness or any type of embarrassing behavior on your friend's part can be an effective wake-up call.

Doing this can also create the opportunity to start an honest conversation about your concerns. In this situation, the friends were ready to write off the one with bad behavior. The revealing video might help correct the behavior and eliminate the need to shut out the person.