Some of the saddest emails I get are from people who are punishing or even contemplating ending the lives of formerly well-mannered pets with new behavior problems. So many of these pet lovers chalk up the changes to "spite" or some other offbeat reason while missing the most obvious reason of all: Their pet is sick.

Some everyday examples:

-- An 8-year-old cat who has always been pretty relaxed suddenly starts zooming around, knocking things off tables and using claws in play.

-- A 9-year-old collie mix who has always been trustworthy and happy suddenly starts snapping when being petted.

-- A 6-year-old cat suddenly starts missing the litter box, even though there has been no change in the location, filler or cleanliness.

People often look for one simple training tip that will bring back the problem-free relationship they had with their animal companions. But sometimes, what pet lovers assume is a behavioral problem, really isn't -- it's a medical problem; one that will be resolved only with proper diagnosis and treatment.

That zooming cat? There's a pretty good chance she has a condition called hyperthyroidism, in which the thyroid gland overproduces, and in so doing prompts behavior changes in a cat whose body is suddenly supercharged.

That snapping dog? A painful ear infection may be the culprit, or perhaps joint pain. The fact that she's snapping when petted, not biting, speaks volumes about her good temperament, despite her extreme pain.

And what about the cat whose perfect potty habits are suddenly gone? His case could have any number of medical causes behind it, from an infection or kidney disease to diabetes.

With good medical care, all three of these pets will likely be made healthy and should be able to be well-mannered pets again. Cases such as these make clear why the first rule of solving any behavior problem is to make sure that it's not a medical problem. This is especially true if the behavior change is sudden.

If you start trying to retrain a pet who's sick, not only will you get nowhere, but you'll also delay the resolution of the condition that may be causing your pet discomfort or pain.

It's important to know what's normal for your pet and to look for small changes in appearance or behavior that could be the early signs of illness, even before they prompt annoying behavior problems. It's important to always keep an eye on your pet's overall condition, for example, being careful to note a loss in weight, a newfound dullness to his coat or a change in energy levels.

Changes in eating and elimination habits are also worthy of investigation, as are subtle shifts in temperament -- such as a pet who seems a little more aloof or more clingy.

Double your vigilance when your pet crosses into the senior years. Many of the problems pet lovers assume are just part of the aging process -- stiff joints or absentmindedness -- can be treated, with both traditional and alternative methods available.

Such treatments can vastly improve your aging pet's quality of life, and yours as well, since you won't be dealing with the accompanying behavior problems. If you're already dealing with unwanted behavior, call your veterinarian first, because punishing a sick pet isn't fair, and it won't fix a thing. 

Q&A

Teaching children

how to hold a cat

Q: When I was growing up we had a cat who'd tolerate just about anything, including being held in any position and even being dressed up for tea parties. (Well, for a while, anyway.) The cat I have now isn't like that at all. He doesn't like our kids holding him. How can we get him to tolerate it better? He doesn't bite or scratch, but can't get away fast enough.

He likes the kids, and rubs against them. He just doesn't seem comfortable in their arms. -- via email

A: Children and cats are natural together, but you need to lay some ground rules for the safety of both. I think with some careful, secure handling, your cat can learn to enjoy -- or at least tolerate -- more attention from your kids. Maybe he'll even learn to be dressed up someday!

Cats can bite or scratch children, and animals can be injured by the well-meaning attention of children, especially young ones. The key to keeping children and cats together safely is to make sure their interactions are supervised, and to teach children how to handle and respect cats.

Teach your children how to hold a cat properly, with support under the animal's chest and legs. A cat who feels secure and safe is far less likely to scratch or bite.

Toddlers can really try a cat's patience, even though they aren't being anything but normal. Young children can't understand that poking, squeezing and patting aren't appreciated. Although most cats figure out quickly that children this age are best avoided, your children could be bitten or scratched if your cat is cornered or startled. Keep an eye on all interactions. And consider putting a baby gate across the entry to a "safe room" for your cat, so he can have a place to go where he isn't pestered.

School-aged children can learn to care for a cat and take an increasing amount of responsibility -- under supervision, of course. One way to teach younger school-aged children is to play the "copycat game." If your children pet the cat gently, stroke their arms gently to show how nice it feels.

And always teach your children to let go when the squirming starts. A cat who wants to go will get away one way or the other, and you don't want him fighting to get free. Build up a tolerance for time in the arms of your children and I think he'll do fine. -- Gina Spadafori

(Do you have a pet question? Send it to petconnection@gmail.com.)

THE BUZZ

Heartworm prevention

now even more critical

-- Giving heartworm preventive has never been more critical than now with news that the drug used to treat infestations of the parasite will not be available in the near future. In a letter sent in early August, Merial, the manufacturer of the drug Immiticide, asked veterinarians to conserve existing supplies. The announcement led to some "stocking up," and now Merial has no product to sell.

The American Heartworm Society has provided guidelines to veterinarians on how to manage heartworm disease until the drug's supply is back to normal, guidelines that include restricting exercise for parsite-infested dogs to prevent collapse. The problem is most critical for shelters; studies show that up to 60 percent of shelter dogs test positive for the parasites, which can be fatal. Heartworms are transmitted by mosquitoes, and easily prevented by a monthly medication with a good safety record.

-- Dogs are being used in nearly a dozen states to calm witnesses before they are called to take the stand in court. Houston's program is designed specifically for domestic abuse cases and given a clever name: Paw and Order SDU (Special Dog Unit). The programs are not without controversy; defense attorneys have challenged this program, saying the dogs' presence may make witnesses more appealing and, as such, more believable.

-- Studies suggest that in 80 percent of households where an animal is being abused, children are also being victimized. Starting Oct. 1, Connecticut will be the latest of a handful of states that require the reporting of animal abuse should trigger an investigation of child or spousal abuse as well.

-- Dr. Marty Becker and Mikkel Becker

ABOUT PET CONNECTION

Pet Connection is produced by a team of pet-care experts headed by "Good Morning America" and "The Dr. Oz Show" veterinarian Dr. Marty Becker and award-winning journalist Gina Spadafori. The two are also the authors of many best-selling pet-care books. Dr. Becker can also be found at Facebook.com/DrMartyBecker or on Twitter at DrMartyBecker.

By Ingrid King

Those of us who consider a pet a member of the family will sooner or later experience the pain of loss, and it can be as devastating as the loss of any loved one.

That doesn't mean you'll get much sympathy from those who don't see pets the way you do.

"Much of society is not aware of the strength of the human-animal bond, so pet loss is often seen as 'disenfranchised loss,' meaning it is not socially recognized," says Joelle Nielsen, a veterinary social worker at The Ohio State University College of Veterinary Medicine.

"For some, the insensitivity of others can be more painful than the grief from the actual loss," says Marty Tousley, a bereavement counselor at Hospice of the Valley in Phoenix. "Most people don't tell someone to go get a new spouse or child within a month of one dying."

Knowing that you're not alone in your grief is important, as is realizing that the loss of a pet is a unique experience for each individual. Factors that play into how the loss is handled include whether the death was sudden or followed a prolonged illness, whether the pet owner had to elect euthanasia, whether it was the first time the person experienced losing a pet, and the person's living situation. Single pet owners for whom the pet was a primary source of emotional support tend to have more difficulty recovering.

Here are some tips to help you cope:

-- Mark the pet's passing with some sort of ritual. Rituals such as memorial services and burial ceremonies are an accepted part of human loss, and can be just as healing after losing a pet. Even something as simple as lighting a candle in your pet's memory can help.

-- Find supportive family and friends. Not everyone will be able to handle your grief. It is important to find people who are comfortable letting you cry, listening while you talk about your pet or just sitting quietly with you.

-- Find a pet-loss hotline or support group. Many veterinary schools offer free pet-loss hotlines staffed with trained volunteers who will listen and offer compassionate support. Pet-loss support groups can also be found through pet cemeteries or crematories, shelters, and veterinary hospitals.

"Pet-loss groups are not the same as group therapy," says Tousley. "Their purpose is to offer a safe, structured place where people bound by the experience of loss can come together."

Numerous online support groups are available 24 hours a day. Both Nielsen and Tousley recommend that pet owners who feel unable to function normally or who feel that they are not progressing in their grief process seek professional help.

-- Allow yourself time to grieve. While it's not healthy to get stuck in your grief, pretending that nothing is wrong is equally unhealthy. "A person's grief is legitimate and real, regardless of anyone else's comments, behavior or opinions," says Tousley. Nielsen adds, "You are not 'crazy' -- what you are experiencing is normal."

The old adage that time heals all wounds applies to pet loss as well. As you work through your grief, you'll find that there will come a day when you'll wake up in the morning and your first thought will not be about how much you miss your pet, but about a happy memory of the time you spent together.

Ingrid King is a member of the Pet Connection staff and the author of "Buckley's Story: Lessons from a Feline Master Teacher."

Q&A

House-training hard

for many small dogs

Q: Our daughter and son-in-law gave us a Yorkie puppy a few months ago. We've never had a tiny dog before, but we're getting older, so smaller is better. We love her, except for one thing: She's not housebroken. We've had dogs all our lives, and never before had one who didn't "get it." We've read on the Internet that this is a problem for small dogs, and that some will never be trained. Please tell us that's not true. My husband will not tolerate keeping a dog in diapers, and I'm tired of cleaning.

A: Small dogs can indeed be difficult to house-train, for a couple of different reasons. One of the major problems is inconsistency on the part of the owner. A Great Dane who isn't house-trained is a much bigger problem than a Yorkie with the same bad behavior. A lot of people with small dogs decide it's just easier to clean up a little mess now and then instead of working on a big training problem.

But little dogs can be house-trained. Toy-breed expert Darlene Arden says you have to start by looking at things from a little dog's point of view.

For example, you have to make sure your dog feels safe in the outdoor spot you've chosen for her. A dog's guard is down during the act of elimination. And when a dog weighs 10 pounds or less, it's important for her to feel she's not going to be attacked. "They feel vulnerable," says Arden. "You need to find that one very safe spot for them." And keep the grass short so the dog doesn't feel as if she's hacking through a jungle, she adds.

Despite the special challenges the small dog presents, Arden says house-training is possible. Once your dog has that safe spot outside, you can teach her to use it with the aid of a schedule, praise and a dedication to consistency.

"Feed on a schedule," says Arden. "You must take your dog out after he eats, after play, after any kind of stimulation. Take a special treat and your happiest voice to the special spot. The moment the puppy's feet hit the ground, get excited." When the deed is done, says Arden, praise to the heavens and deliver the treat.

Limiting a dog's range in the house helps, too. "I'm a firm believer in crate-training -- as a tool, not a punishment," says Arden. "A crate keeps a dog out of trouble when you can't watch him."

Mistakes are part of the learning process and should never be punished. "If you see the dog starting to go in the house, pick him up and run him to that special spot," says Arden, and praise him when he finishes up outside.

Start from the beginning. Clean up past mistakes with an enzymatic cleaner, restrict her range in the house, take her outside and praise her for getting it right. If problems continue, ask your veterinarian for a referral to a behaviorist who can observe your interactions and set up a program just for you and your dog. -- Gina Spadafori

(Do you have a pet question? Send it to petconnection@gmail.com.)

THE BUZZ

Small cats share

stripes with tigers

-- If told to imagine a "typical" cat, you're doing well if you think "tiger-striped." That's because the tabby pattern, with its familiar stripes, is the most common in all of catdom. It's so dominant that even some apparently solid-colored cats can be discovered, on close inspection, to have faint stripes, especially on their heads, legs and tails.

"Tabby" is a general term for striped cats, and tabbies come in many colors and patterns -- more than 40 varieties in all. Red tabbies seem to have a special following and mythology, perhaps because in male cats the red-orange gene is almost always connected with tabby markings, while in females, red-orange cats can be tabbies, tortoiseshells or calicoes.

Tabbies can be further distinguished by differences in the pattern of their stripes. For example, a spotted tabby has gaps in the striping pattern, making the dark color appear as spots. The most recognizable is probably the "mackerel" tabby, with parallel lines placed like the ribs of a fish -- hence the name. All tabby cats carry a special mark in common: an "M" on the top of their heads.

The word "tabby," by the way, is thought to come from "atabi," the name of an ancient silk with a striped pattern.

-- A dog's heart normally beats between 70 to 180 times per minute, with little dogs having a faster heart rate. A puppy will also have a faster pulse -- up to 220 beats per minute. Normal canine body temperature is between 101.5 and 102 degrees Fahrenheit, give or take a degree either way.

-- Dr. Marty Becker and Mikkel Becker

ABOUT PET CONNECTION

Pet Connection is produced by a team of pet-care experts headed by "Good Morning America" and "The Dr. Oz Show" veterinarian Dr. Marty Becker and award-winning journalist Gina Spadafori. The two are also the authors of many best-selling pet-care books. Dr. Becker can also be found at Facebook.com/DrMartyBecker or on Twitter at DrMartyBecker.

All dogs need exercise. All of them. The amount of exercise varies by the type of dog, the shape, the size and the original purpose of the breed or breeds that lurk in the genetic code of a particular dog, but all dogs need something to do.

Bored dogs can be destructive, and you wouldn't believe all the things we veterinarians have surgically removed from the insides of dogs who didn't have anything better to do than eat a doll, a remote control, rocks or a hamper full of dirty underwear.

And it's not just boredom that's the problem. Sedentary dogs can become overweight, which leads to all kinds of health problems. If you want to be a good dog owner, you'll have to have your dog's heart pumping at an aerobic rate on a regular basis. (And watch the portion sizes, too!)

Don't think that getting another dog will automatically solve the problem. While some dogs (typically young ones) will play with one another, most will not do so enough to cut into the exercise deficit. Which means, of course, you now have two dogs who need more time and attention, not just one.

Some dogs need more exercise than most people are willing to give them. These guys are often tagged as "hyper," and you can find a lot of them in the shelters, and that's a shame, since more exercise would have made them much easier to live with -- and time would have settled them down as well.

The truth is that you can settle a "hyper" dog by making sure those exercise needs are met, and it's really not that hard. Our golden retriever, Shakira, is lovingly known as "She-Crazy" for her high levels of energy. You'd think that since we live on a ranch, she'd keep herself exercised, but that's not the case at all. Keeping her healthy falls to me, not only as a veterinarian, of course, but also as the person who keeps the tennis balls flying. For this, I use a Chuckit!, a ball-flinger that has to be one of the best pet care inventions ever. With the Chuckit!, I can exhaust She-Crazy in short order without giving myself a sore throwing arm.

While fetch is a great way to exercise many dogs, not all dogs are that interested in retrieving. For those dogs, a long walk, a trip to the dog park for a meet-up with play buddies, a few miles of biking or a good swim is just the ticket.

If time is a problem, you can fill the exercise gap with doggie day care, a dog-walker or even dog-hikers, who take small groups of dogs out of the city for long hikes. If these businesses don't exist in your area, you might try asking around to see if you can get another dog lover to take your dog out with hers, or a neighbor kid to walk or run your dog.

Just don't neglect your dog's need to move: Staying fit is key to a happy, healthy dog!

Q&A

Tests can help

decode dog mix

Q: We adopted a shelter dog that appears to be just about as mixed as can be imagined. The shelter guessed there was some terrier, but beyond that people have guessed anything from poodle to dachshund to Chihuahua. We're thinking of getting one of those DNA tests done. What do you think?

A: Sounds like you have what my dad used to call a Heinz 57 -- a true-blue, good-ol'-fashioned All-American mutt. Gotta love 'em!

Two of my four dogs are complete mixes, and one I'm pretty sure is a pit bull-Lab cross. Only our golden retriever is of just one breed of dog. Not that any of their breeding matters, because you know we love them all.

As for the DNA tests: I recommend them. From a medical standpoint, the information can be important when you're trying to avoid or deal with certain breed-specific health problems, such as known drug sensitivities in some breeds, or skin problems in others.

From the standpoint of a dog owner, the point of these tests can just be plain fun -- and often very surprising. I decided to use the Mars Wisdom Panel -- one of a couple such tests on the market -- to check out the DNA of the two most mixed of my canine cocktails, Quixote and Quora.

Quixote first. When we adopted him as a little fuzzy brown puppy, we were told he was a mix of papillion, poodle and Yorkshire terrier. The DNA testing told a slightly different story: Quixote is a mix of Chihuahua, Yorkshire and Pomeranian.

Quora, adopted as an adult because she looked enough like Quixote to be related, turned out to be a Pomeranian and Cairn Terrier mix, with a dash of a breed absolutely no one could have guessed, Shar Pei. (Guess her wrinkles came out in the wash.)

While these tests have their skeptics, there's certainly no harm beyond the cost (about $70) in checking out your own dog -- and a fair amount of benefit to be gained. Ask your veterinarian about them. -- Dr. Marty Becker

(Do you have a pet question? Send it to petconnection@gmail.com.)

THE BUZZ

Patience eases re-entry

for post-vet-visit cat

-- A trip to the veterinarian can send a cat into a full-blown snit that can last for hours after the return home. The smells of a veterinary setting can even set off other feline family members, who may become aggressive toward the returnee. Let your cat pick the speed at which he settles back into the household after a trip to the veterinarian. When you get home, put the carrier down in a quiet place, open the carrier door and leave him alone. Your cat may stay in the carrier for a while, may head for the nearest bed to hide under, or may step out and be just fine. To help "de-vet" the scent of the returnee so other family cats will settle down, try running a towel over the cat who stayed behind and then swiping it over the returning cat. The use of Feliway, a synthetic pheromone that's like "Kumbaya" in a bottle, may also help ease the transition.

-- At Arlington National Cemetery, horses still play a ceremonial role in honoring the service and sacrifice of those buried there: They're used to pull caissons bearing the flag-draped caskets of service members and veterans to their final resting spots.

-- Parrots are attracted to the sound of their own voice, or at least one that's similar. A study by the University of California, Irvine, found that female budgerigars prefer mates who sound like themselves. Although the parrots have an ability to imitate other voices, which is often used in the mating process where the male learns to sound like the female, the study shows that female parrots are most attracted to the male if he naturally sounds like her at their first meeting, before any imitation is done. The findings also highlighted the greater help males will give to nesting females if her sound is similar to his. -- Dr. Marty Becker, Mikkel Becker and Ed Murrieta

ABOUT PET CONNECTION

Pet Connection is produced by a team of pet-care experts headed by "Good Morning America" and "The Dr. Oz Show" veterinarian Dr. Marty Becker and award-winning journalist Gina Spadafori. The two are also the authors of many best-selling pet-care books. Dr. Becker can also be found at Facebook.com/DrMartyBecker or on Twitter at DrMartyBecker.