Late last year, in the midst of a relationship that was starting to feel like something permanent, I made a rather bold decision: I bought a new bed.

Not just any bed, mind you, but the biggest bed I could find. When I was informed by the saleswoman that it would take three months to be manufactured and delivered, I chidingly asked the man in my life if he would be there when the bed arrived.

"Oh sure," he said. "And if I'm not, you have plenty of pets to take up all that space. They'll love it."

Which is, of course, exactly what came to pass. The bed came, the man left, and the animals are still here, same as always.

I'm not sure what that says about the relative constancy of romantic relationships and pets, but I have to give the man credit for being right. The animals do indeed love the big new bed. And I'm glad to share it with them.

Every now and then I hear from someone who wants me to write about how awful it is to have dogs or cats on the bed. I've had grandparents who want to convince their sons or daughters that a pet on the bed is unhealthy for children, and new sweethearts who disagree about where a pet should sleep.

"To have pets in the house is bad enough," wrote one frustrated women, who clearly had much larger issues with her daughter than the younger woman's pets. "But to have them on the bed? That's dirty and disgusting!"

Such folks won't find much agreement from me. I like having pets on the bed. In the wintertime, they're like heating pads that you don't have to plug in or recharge -- and they'll readjust automatically every time you move. This surely won't mollify anyone who believes pets are disgusting, but I've always kept things clean by putting a washable cover on top of the bedding to catch all the dirt and stray hair.

Still, there are good reasons to keep your pets off the bed and maybe even out of the bedroom, among them behavioral problems and allergies.

For dogs who have dominance issues, allowing access to the bed isn't recommended, since it gives the animal the idea that he or she has status equal to or better than the human family members. For these dogs, sleeping elsewhere will likely be part of a retraining program to modify the animal's exalted opinion of his own value. (As with all dominance issues, please work with a veterinary behaviorist or trainer with experience in aggression to modify the dangerous behavior of such a pet.)

For people with allergies, turning the bedroom into a pet-free zone is common medical advice that ought to be followed. Maintaining a pet-free bedroom is part of an overall strategy to minimize the impact of pet dander. It will allow them to sleep without sneezing or wheezing, and awake rested without allergy symptoms or headaches. For those with allergies, keeping pets out of the bedroom gives them enough "breathing room" to make it possible to keep both their pets and their overall good health.

And what about those couples who don't have pet-behavior problems or allergies, but still argue over letting their pets on the bed? That's the sort of thing you have to work out for yourself, since I have enough work giving pet advice without venturing into relationship counseling.

If you're lucky, though, you'll be able to find a bed big enough for everyone to be happy in.

THE SCOOP

Every year many shelters temporarily halt the adoption of black cats in the days leading up to Halloween. In theory, it's to keep those who practice "satanic rituals" -- or kids who pretend to -- from getting animals to torture.

But at least one expert says taking such cautions is pointless. It's an imagined problem, part of a handful of myths in the sheltering community that have been passed around as common knowledge for years. Writing in the ASPCA's Animal Watch magazine, Stephen L. Zawistowski, senior vice president of animal science for the New York-based group, argues that perpetuating such myths keeps shelters from understanding the true nature of cruelty and overpopulation. And that, he says, keeps them from focusing on what works and what doesn't when it comes to helping animals.

PETS ON THE WEB

Rural Area Veterinary Services (www.vet.utk.edu/ravs/) is a little-known program affiliated with the Humane Society of the United States that functions as a sort of "Doctors Without Borders" for the animals of the world. The RAVS volunteers travel to poverty-stricken parts of the world (including many in the United States) and help people by caring for their animals. The volunteer veterinarians, technicians and students provide a real service, bringing the basic care so many of us take for granted to people who often don't know about it and probably couldn't afford it if they did. RAVS is always in need of donations, by the way.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: Would you please offer a different point of view on cats leaving paw prints on cars and your advice to buy car covers? I've used a cover on my car for years and, yes, it does keep the cat paw prints off, but I go through approximately one car cover a year (and these are better-quality custom covers, not cheap ones) thanks to the cat across the street.

He spends his time alternately spraying my cover or shredding it with his claws. When he walks on my car he doesn't leave paw prints but does scratch the paint, digging his claws through the cover. -- K.J., via e-mail

A: I said I'd get mail on the subject, and I certainly did, not only from people who wanted to keep feline paw prints off their cars, but also from those who wanted to keep the cat spray off their porches and cat mess out of their flowerbeds. Most of these people aren't cat haters -- although a minority are -- but instead folks who don't want to clean up after pets belonging to the neighbors.

On the other hand, I heard from people who believe that dealing with roaming cats is just another part of life. "The next thing you know," wrote one person, "these people will be complaining that about the rain on their car."

I'm just smart enough to realize I can't resolve this dispute. I've long been in favor of people keeping their cats from roaming -- it's much safer for the cats -- but I cannot advocate killing free-roaming cats, which is more than likely what happens when a cat is trapped and dropped off at the pound.

Has there been progress on this issue? I think so. When I started writing this column, almost no one besides show breeders kept their cats inside, and few animal groups advocated it. Now, many cats stay happily inside, and groups such as the Humane Society of the United States have launched campaigns to educate pet lovers on the benefits.

According to the HSUS:

-- The average lifespan of free-roaming cat is 3 years, compared to 15-18 years for an indoor cat

-- Fewer than 5 percent of "found" cats who are turned in to shelters are ever reclaimed by their families. (Since adult cats have the lowest rate of adoption of all animals, this means that many of these pets are killed when not claimed or adopted.)

You can find out more about the HSUS "Safe Cats Campaign" on its Web site, at www.hsus.org/ace/13960.

Q: Please solve an argument I'm having with my mother. How often should a dog be bathed? She says it's bad for them to be bathed more than once every six years. -- T.V., via e-mail

A: The simple answer: Dogs should be bathed as often as they need it. The old idea of bathing once or twice a year probably traced back to the time when most dogs were kept outside. You wouldn't want to live with a house pet who saw the bathtub that infrequently.

Most healthy dogs can be bathed as often as once a week, especially if you use a conditioning shampoo. Regular bathing with daily brushing will make your dog a pleasure to have in your home.

For dogs with skin problems, please consult your veterinarian about bathing frequency and which products to use.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com. You can also read her frequently updated Web log or view her column archives at www.spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

Most sunny weekends I can be sure that at some point I'll hear a gentle knock on my front door. I know who it is, so I quickly put the three big dogs out the back door so as not to scare my little visitor, grab a leash for the small dog, and open the front door to see a darling 6-year-old girl.

"Can Chase come play with me?" she says, in a shy whisper.

Chase, the toy spaniel, is already wriggling in anticipation. He and the little neighbor girl have been friends since we moved in to this house at the beginning of the year.

Their friendship was formed when winter winds blew down a portion of the fence between her house and mine. I hurriedly put a piece of wire mesh in the opening to keep my dogs from exploring the yard next door, but I soon discovered that my little dog and the little girl were spending a lot of time at that spot. Her hand was just small enough to fit through the mesh and pet the dog.

When her father fixed the fence, he left one board out and I left the mesh in place. We just couldn't bear to break up the fence-line friendship.

The love these two have for each other represents the very best of the relationships children can have with dogs. To see the worst, you need to look no further than the news reports for a recent account of a dog attack.

Most dog bites, like many other accidents, occur at home, and can be prevented with some common sense (a topic I covered in last week's column, available in my archives at www.spadafori.com). But even though most bites will be at the jaws of a dog the victim knows, there's no doubt that unknown dogs present a danger, especially to children.

Which is why, with school having started, I like to remind parents that they need to teach their children how to handle dogs that their sons and daughters may happen across.

Here's what every child needs to know:

-- Never approach a loose dog, even if he seems friendly. Dogs confined in yards, and especially those on chains, should also be avoided. If a dog is with her owner, children should always ask permission before petting it and then begin by offering the back of the hand for a sniff. Teach your children to pat the dog on the neck or chest instead of the top of the head, and to avoid fast or jerky movements.

-- "Be a tree" when a loose dog approaches, standing straight with feet together, fists under the neck and elbows into the chest. Teach children not to make eye contact. Running is a normal response to danger, but it's the worst possible thing to do around a dog, because it triggers the animal's instinct to chase and bite. Many dogs when faced with a child in "tree" position will just sniff and leave. Teach your children to stay still until the animal walks away, and then to back away slowly out of the area.

-- "Feed" the dog a jacket or backpack if attacked, or use a bike to block the dog. These strategies may keep an attacking dog's teeth from connecting.

-- "Be a log" if knocked down: face down, legs together, curled into a ball with fists covering the back of the neck and forearms over the ears. This position protects vital areas and can keep an attack from turning fatal.

It's not enough to talk to your children about these protective measures -- role-play them until they are ingrained.

I don't want to make children afraid of dogs, because I know well -- and see it most every weekend at my own front door -- how wonderful dogs can be for children. But I do know that dangerous dogs are a reality in many neighborhoods, and that a child who knows how to behave when threatened may be spared a brutal or even fatal attack.

THE SCOOP

Stainless-steel bowls offer lifelong quality: They're durable and chew-proof, and they sterilize wonderfully in the dishwasher. "Crock"-style bowls of colorful high-impact plastic are another good choice. Both stainless-steel and high-impact plastic bowls come in sizes made for pets, from the smallest mice to the largest dogs. They're a great investment for the life of your pet and beyond: I have bowls that are still looking great after more than 25 years of service.

PETS ON THE WEB

As I mentioned recently, my friend Christie Keith has launched a joke campaign (www.caberfeidh.com/Skye.htm) to put her dog Skye in the California governor's mansion, with my dog Heather as his running mate. Because of the "campaign," I heard from a wonderful site -- Petradio.com, which has added an endorsement to the Skye campaign.

Petradio.com is an Internet "radio station," with features, product reviews, commentaries and special offerings for children, all played through the audio program on your home computer. The pieces are interesting, entertaining and largely professional in their execution.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: I have recently adopted a calico kitty. He's full of life and keeps me on my toes. When I adopted him, the rescue group suggested I have him neutered at 14 weeks, but my veterinarian would prefer to wait until 6 months. That's a big difference! What is the right age for neutering? -- T.B., via e-mail

A: Kittens and puppies can be safely altered from the age of 8 weeks on. In fact, this procedure is now fairly routine at such early ages. Many sheltering organizations will not let a kitten or puppy leave before the animal has been altered, often by an in-house veterinarian.

The drive toward early spaying and neutering came from the sheltering community, which was searching for a way to prevent the revolving-door syndrome that resulted when people who adopted kittens never got around to getting them neutered. Since many shelter kittens are the result of "oops" litters, early spay-neuter has proven to be a big part of the answer to this particular piece of the pet overpopulation problem.

Some veterinarians aren't comfortable operating on the youngest animals, however, and choose to wait until kittens and puppies are older.

If you like your veterinarian and respect his or her advice, there's little harm in waiting a couple of months. Especially with your cat, because if you do have a real male calico, you have a rare genetic abnormality who's most likely sterile anyway.

Surprised? It's true. Male calicos are what's known as "Klinefelter" males, possessed of not only the XY chromosomes of a normal boy cat but also an extra X. Since you need two X chromosomes to get a calico, you need the XXY combination to get a male calico. It doesn't happen very often -- about 1 in 3,000 calicos are male.

"Rare" in this case does not mean "valuable" in a monetary sense, by the way. Do get your pet neutered -- even if he doesn't need it for fertility, he'll be a better behaved pet after surgery -- and enjoy him for the special fellow he is.

Q: Would you please pass on another tip for giving pills to cats? I advise most of my clients to crush the pill into a powder, mix with a small amount of honey, jam, peanut butter or other sticky substance and blob the mixture onto the cat's nose.

Most cats don't mind you doing this, as you don't have to open their mouths, and it doesn't matter how horrible the taste of the medication is because they will groom it off to get themselves clean again. -- E.F. via e-mail

A: It seems there are as many ways to pill a cat as there are cats! Of all the suggestions I've received on this topic over the years, there's still one that stands out for ingenuity -- "hanging" a cat by his claws from a screen door.

I'm not sure how many cats would appreciate such treatment, but the person who told me about it swore his cat didn't mind. When held up to the screen, the cat naturally put claws out and into the screen material. Immobilized, the animal was easier to get a pill into -- or so said the reader.

Seems this way of administering medication would be hard on both the cat and the screen, but since it worked for one cat and his keeper, I guess it's worth passing that tip along with the rest.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com. You can also read her frequently updated Web log or view her column archives at www.spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

In 40-plus years of sharing my life with pets, I've been bitten twice, both times by my own dogs. In each case the perpetrator was attempting to settle a dispute with another canine family member when a sharp tooth nicked my flesh as I tried to end the argument.

Once on my ankle, once on my wrist, a dozen years apart and painful enough that even though both dogs have long departed at advanced ages having never bitten again, I still remember the shock I felt in realizing that one of my own darling pets had for a moment turned from loving companion to wild beast. They turned just as quickly back, with the dogs reacting in both cases to my cry of pain with wagging tails and concerned looks. I believe they were as horrified as I was over what had happened.

The point is that even the sweetest dog can cause injury, and that we are more likely to be bitten by a dog we know than by a free-roaming neighborhood beast we imagine presents a bigger danger.

In serious household-bite incidents, the dogs involved usually aren't as well-cared-for and loved as my two dogs were. Instead, they're likely to be oft-ignored pets restricted to a part of the yard or to a length of chain. Typically, attacking dogs are young males, unsocialized and unneutered, and the victim is a child who has wandered into what the dog sees as his territory.

These accidents can almost always be prevented by eliminating the dangerous potential. Socialization, training and neutering are essential for family pets, and it's also a good idea to make the animal a part of your family. A family pet should not be restricted to a small run or chain. They need plenty of play time, training and loving attention. Taking these steps at puppyhood (and on) should prevent aggressive behavior, but if they don't, the dog should be evaluated by a veterinary behaviorist or trainer with experience in canine aggression, and any retraining plan should be followed to the letter.

Most dogs with aggression problems show warning signs long before they actually try to bite anyone, with territorial displays involving food or toys, or "grumbly" behavior when asked to vacate high-value real estate, such as beds, chairs or couches. Growling, hard stares and stiff-legged posturing should be considered signs that you need professional help in dealing with your dog.

Don't escalate the violence: If you beat a growling dog, you may turn the animal into one who will bite without warning. It's essential that you work with an expert who'll help you take control of your dog through nonviolent training and handling techniques. These will help your dog to understand his place in the family hierarchy and his appropriate response to a challenge.

If you have a dog who has never given you reason to worry and suddenly starts snapping in your direction, make sure you have your veterinarian rule out any medical problems. Chronic ear infections, for example, can be extremely painful, and the dog whose sore ear is handled may lash out in pain. The aches, pains and sensory loss of advancing age can also shorten the fuses of some dogs. In some cases the problems can be treated, while in others you just need to be more careful around an aging curmudgeon who means no harm.

Multiple-dog households present their own challenges, but the No. 1 rule to remember is to never try to break up a fight with your own body. My own two small scars bear witness to the wisdom of this advice.

Next week, I'll address the issue of safety around dogs who are not family members, a subject that's especially important for parents to know and teach their children.

THE SCOOP

Now may be the time to change your antifreeze, but make sure when you're taking care of your vehicle that you're also watching out for pets. Products made from ethylene glycol, a sweet-tasting liquid, can be lethal to your pet in dosages as small as a teaspoon, or less.

Consider a safer alternative, such as products made from propylene glycol. No matter what you use, though, be sure to clean up any spills promptly and thoroughly, and keep stored product in leak-proof containers in a closed cupboard. If your pet laps even the smallest amount, see your veterinarian immediately -- your pet's life depends on your prompt action.

PETS ON THE WEB

While home-prepared dog diets will never give commercial manufacturers much competition, there's no doubt that the trend toward "natural" food for dogs has been growing for years. One such diet is called "BARF," which stand for "Bones and Raw Flesh" or "Biologically Appropriate Raw Food." The diet is controversial and hotly debated, with passionate people on both sides. Is it the best possible way to feed your dog, or a serious health risk for dogs and people? The "BARF for Beginners" Web site (www.njboxers.com/faqs.htm) won't settle the dispute, but it does offer a great deal of information on the diet, the theories behind it and the balancing act involved in preparing meals.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: I'm a "dog person," and I keep two aquariums. In the past, I have had cats, and both were indoors, period. I'm writing to comment on your response to the person who asked how to keep a neighbor's cat off his car.

I think the larger problem is having one person's territory not respected. The first thing that came to my mind was to trap the kitty and give it, with all the attendant information, to the nearest SPCA.

When an owner is charged $20 to pick up the cat, he might think twice about letting it out to sit on another's car. What are your thoughts on this? -- E.T., Baltimore

A: Regular readers know that this column is unrelenting on the topic of responsible pet-keeping, and that includes not bothering your neighbors with your pets. I've long been in favor of keeping cats inside, for their own health and safety as well as in the interests of being a good neighbor.

The person who wrote me about cat prints on his car wasn't a pet-keeper, though, so I had to be practical in my advice. As long as the neighbors let cats roam, putting the car in a garage or putting a cover on it is the only way to keep the vehicle free of paw prints.

I would not advise anyone to trap a neighbor's cat and deliver the animal to the shelter. Chances are good that the cat will never be reunited with the owner. Most people figure a cat will show up in few days, and would never bother to look in the shelters. In the meantime, the clock runs out and the cat is put to death.

I agree that cat prints on a car are annoying, but I do not believe that such a transgression should be a death-penalty offense for a cat. I'm sure I'll get a lot of hate mail for saying so, but I think the world has bigger problems than cat paw prints on a car hood. Get a car cover, or let it go.

Q: Do you think pet groomers should be tipped? -- C.S., via e-mail

A: Yes, I do. Grooming pets is hard work under the best of circumstances -- lots of lifting, plenty of heat and dampness, and constant exposure to scented and pesticide-laced products. And that's just for starters. Groomers also deal with unmannered and badly matted pets, and they occasionally get a bite for their trouble.

A good groomer is worth her weight in gold. Not only will she keep your pet's coat in sweet-smelling good shape, but she'll also notice and point out lumps, bumps, weight gain or loss, parasite problems and more.

Typical tipping range: 10 percent to 20 percent.

I leave my hardest grooming job to my friend Cynthia, a self-proclaimed "Wizard of Dogs" who kept Sheltie Andy sleek and shiny for his entire life and now does a monthly "fluff and fold" on my Sheltie Drew. The others dogs -- two retrievers with medium coats and a toy spaniel I keep cut short -- are easy to keep clean and brushed, so I do the job myself.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com. You can also read her frequently updated Web log or view her column archives at www.spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600