Almost every week I write quite seriously about pets, about caring for them properly, protecting them from harm and solving the problems that drive animal lovers crazy. While there's no doubt people need that information, it's also important to remind ourselves of the joys we get from sharing our lives with animals. Pets give those of us who are otherwise responsible grown-ups a chance to be unabashedly silly, knowing that no matter what we say or do in front of our animals, our secrets will stay safe with our accepting, nonjudgmental companions.

Which brings me to ... pet songs.

Each of my pets has his or her own "theme song," silly ditties that I would be reluctant to sing in any kind of public forum. But I love to sing them in private, and each of my pets recognizes a song as his or her own, enjoying the special attention even as I'm surely torturing their well-developed sense of hearing with my dreadful voice.

This subject comes to mind because after years of living with the same pets, I'm now in a state of transition, with one song I don't sing anymore and one I'm still working on. Within the last few months my 16-year-old sheltie, Andy, passed away, and a cavalier King Charles spaniel puppy named Chase joined retrievers Benjamin and Heather as part of my family.

I guess the songs started with Andy, because I don't remember having any before his, although I've always been one of those people who love to sing when I'm sure no one can hear me.

Set to the tune of "You Are My Sunshine," Andy's song went: "You are my Andy, my darling Andy. You make me happy, because you're gray." He always cracked his mouth in a doggie smile when he heard it, backing up so I could scratch that spot just above his tail while I sang. (Recalling the ending's a bit melancholy now that he's gone, though: "... please don't take my Andy away.")

That song may have been the best I had in me, because Ben's tune isn't nearly as sweet or remotely as clever (although he loves his music, too). Set to the tune of the Monty Python "Spam" song, Ben's song repeats his name over and over, punctuated by the word "wonderful" here and there for emphasis. Heather's song is just as goofy.

Since I don't sit down and write these songs -- they just sort of evolve -- it's not predictable how they'll end up. Which is why the new puppy's song, for now, is downright insulting. Set to the tune of the rock chestnut "Cat Scratch Fever," Chase's song begins, "Nitwit puppy (nah nah nah) ... "

Andy was once a nitwit puppy, too, who turned into one of the most beautiful, well-mannered and good-natured of dogs. I'm hoping the same will be true of the goofy and awkward Chase, who at almost 8 months can be so annoying that the other dogs sometimes look at me accusingly for bringing such a pest into their lives.

But I have faith that there's plenty of potential in the nitwit puppy, which is why I've been turning over in my head the possibilities for his permanent theme song. "You Are My Sunshine" has been retired like the number on a star ballplayer's jersey, but I know there's good song out there for the good dog Chase will become.

Silly? Sure, but it makes me happy. And in such serious times as those we live in now, I am grateful to my pets for any reason to be so pointlessly lighthearted. Just as long as no one else can hear me.

THE SCOOP

Veterinary school is a kind of smorgasbord, where students take a little from a lot of different offerings, but don't usually get a lot of any one thing. So, when it comes to birds it's usually better to find a veterinarian who has dedicated extra time and energy to keeping abreast of developments in the fairly specialized and fast-changing field of avian medicine.

Veterinarians who are interested in focusing on birds may be certified as specialists by the American Board of Veterinary Practitioners; more likely, they've just gained their skills and knowledge without formal certification. It pays to ask around: Bird shops, bird breeders and members of bird clubs can usually provide you with a referral to a veterinarian who focuses on avian care, as can the veterinarian who cares for your dog or cat. Listings can also be found on the Association of Avian Veterinarians Web site (www.aav.org).

PETS ON THE WEB

The American Ferret Association (www.ferret.org) started as a small club in suburban Maryland dedicated to promoting one of the most popular and least understood pets. It has grown into a national association, expanding its goals to include fighting to eliminate laws that ban the animals, notably in California and New York City. Although nothing fancy, the AFA's Web site offers some basic information and links to find out more about these animals.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: My Border collie mix loves to run with me. She can walk at my pace well, but when we run, she constantly wants to run much faster than I do. How can I fix this? She also has a habit of wanting to visit with other dogs while running, which I'd like to stop. –- P.L., via e-mail

A. I am so glad that you're exercising your dog on a regular basis! So many canine behavior problems have boredom and inactivity at their root. Most dog breeds were developed to be active -- to herd sheep, haul sleds, or hunt in packs or with a human companion. They were meant to work hard, and their bodies and their minds crave the exercise. If they just sit around in the house or yard day after day after day, they have no outlet for their immense energy, except for digging, barking, chewing or other unwanted behavior. Every dog, large or small, young or old, will benefit from a daily walk. Large, active breeds and mixes need even more -- at least a half-hour of heart-thumping activity three to four times a week. This may sound like a lot, but it's nothing compared to the work many dogs were bred to do, in long days that left them exhausted and happy.

You don't need sheep or a sled to exercise your pet. Fetch is a great way to provide exercise, as is running or biking with your pet. Training and competing in sports such as fly ball or agility are also great. And don't forget: If your dog is active, you are, too. Talk about a win-win situation!

All dogs need training, and yours is no exception. Your runs will be easier and more pleasant after you find a trainer to help you teach your dog to be on leash without pulling, and to pay attention to you instead of to other dogs. When properly trained, your dog will match her speed to yours, and will ignore distractions.

With a bright dog such as a Border collie mix, you should be off and running again in no time.

Q: I have a 6-week-old male kitten at home, and at his first veterinary visit the doctor told me that people have associated clumping kitty litters with intestinal problems in their cats (some of which have led to death). Can you please clarify this, or at least give me more information? -– H.W., via e-mail

A: The idea that clumping litter is deadly traces back to an article in a long-defunct holistic cat magazine and is kept alive by the power of the Internet. The article -- I've read it -– guessed that the litter was the cause of the death of the author's kittens. The evidence was purely speculative and anecdotal, and has not been supported by subsequent scientific research. While there's no evidence that clumping litters are bad for cats, many veterinarians (such as yours) adopt a better-safe-than-sorry policy regarding kittens. That's because a playful, curious kitten might be tempted to eat the material, which might indeed cause an intestinal problem. The cautious solution is to use a non-clumping litter for the first couple of months, then switch if you wish to.

A related note: Because these litters may be "dustier" than other types, they may present problems for asthmatic cats. You can minimize this risk by not using a hooded litter box, and by making sure your cat is out of the room when you change the filler.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

Do you have one of those seemingly crazy cats who loves your petting one minute and bites your hand the next? While you can't completely turn a "skitty kitty" into a purring slug cat, you can work to increase your pet's tolerance for petting. As with all behavior problems, it's important to have your veterinarian rule out any health issues before you start retraining.

If your cat's aggression has a health-related component, you need to address that problem first. Before you start training, you must recognize that if your cat bites your hand while you're petting him, you've missed more than a couple of messages from him asking you to stop. The key one: a tail twitch that becomes more agitated, and finally escalates into a noticeable thump or thrash.

You should also be aware that some places on his body are more sensitive than others. For a highly reactive cat, restrict your caresses to behind the ears, under the chin or the base of the tail. A long stroke down the back is too much for some kitties, and you're really taking chances when you decide to tickle your cat's tummy. The cats who enjoy it are greatly outnumbered by the cats who'll quickly tire of a tummy rub and seek to stop it with teeth and claws.

Work to build your cat's tolerance to touch over time. When you pick your cat up for a petting session, don't surprise him. Come up on him slowly and pick him up gently, making sure his whole body is supported with a hand under his chest and one beneath his legs.

Pet him in the safe areas on his body only, watching for the first sign of a tail twitch. When you get that first early-warning sign, stop petting and allow him to calm down or leave if he wants to. Don't let it go so far that he feels the need to jump off you quickly or to bite.

The key is to work up to the outskirts of tolerance and stop there, so your cat will learn to trust you in longer sessions. Never hit a cat for biting. If you miss the signs and end up in your cat's non-affectionate embrace, just freeze. Providing no resistance will help calm your cat so he will just let go. If you fight back or physically punish your cat, you are more likely to get bitten or scratched -- he'll feel compelled by instinct and fear to escalate the violence. You'll also undo your good training efforts, and may hurt your relationship with your pet in the long run.

You cat is acting in the only way he knows how. It's up to you to teach him how pleasant petting can be. As any cat lover will tell you, teaching your cat to tolerate petting is well worth the effort -- for the both of you.

What makes one cat more liable to bite than another? The degree of sensitivity has both genetic and social factors. Some cats are born edgy, while others are made that way because of a lack of socialization or proper

training in their kittenhoods. (Never let a kitten come to believe fingers are for chewing on, even in play. Redirect your kitten's playful energy to toys instead.)

Activity levels also play a part in how much petting a cat will tolerate. Heavier, larger cat breeds or mixes are usually more satisfied to be easy-going lap kitties than are the lighter, more willowy ones who like to stay on the move. But with patience, any cat can learn to appreciate petting from the people in his life.

PETS ON THE WEB

Macaws are among our most popular companion birds, beautiful, intelligent and affectionate. From the massive hyacinth macaw -- the largest parrot kept as a pet -- to the more manageable sizes of the "mini" macaws, these birds have plenty of fans worldwide, many of whom no doubt visit Those Majestic Macaws (www.exoticbird.com), a Web site packed with a variety of useful and entertaining information, as well as lots of great avian links. You'll find information on the various species, on macaw-related e-mail lists, breeder referrals, parrot jokes, and recipes for healthy treats and meals for your pet bird. Although I'd like to see a little more information from avian veterinarians -- too much of the health information is from breeders and fanciers, not medical professionals -- the site still has plenty to offer.

THE SCOOP

How old is your cat in "human terms"? Here's a rough way to figure it out: Count the first year of a cat's life as being comparable to the time a human reaches the early stages of adulthood -- the age of 15 or so. The second year of a cat's life picks up some of that maturity and takes a cat to the first stages of full adulthood in humans -- a 2-year-old cat is roughly equivalent to a person in their mid-20s. From there, a "five equals one" rule works pretty well. A cat of 3 is still young, comparable to a person of 29. A 6-year-old cat, similar to a 41-year-old person, is in the throes of middle age; a 12-year-old cat, similar to a 65-year-old person, has earned the right to slow down a little. A cat who lives to be 20 is the feline equivalent of nearly 100 in terms of human lifespan.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: A couple of years ago you shared a recipe for a cake that looks like a cat's litter box. I thought it might be fun to make for my son's Cub Scout troop. You know how boys love to be grossed out! Will you please share the recipe again? -- L. Z., via e-mail

A: You're right about little boys -- most of them love this cake! Adults, on the other hand, often find the very thought of it so disgusting that I once had an editor argue that the recipe wasn't fit for printing in a family newspaper. I think it was the Tootsie Rolls that did her in.

The recipe comes from the files of the Veterinary Information Network (www.vin.com), an online service for veterinary professionals. More than a few veterinarians have used the recipe for open houses in their clinics or hospitals. The most important part of following the recipe? Be sure to use a brand-new litter box and scoop.

LITTER BOX CAKE

1 pkg. spice cake mix

1 pkg. white cake mix

1 pkg. white sandwich cookies

Green food coloring

12 small Tootsie Rolls

1 box vanilla pudding mix (not instant)

1 brand new, freshly washed litter box

1 brand new, freshly washed litter box scoop

Prepare the cake mixes and bake according to their directions. Prepare the pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble. Use a blender on a low setting to crumble the white sandwich cookies in small batches; they tend to stick, so scrape often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup of cookie crumbs, add a few drops of green food coloring and mix by using a fork.

After the cakes cool to room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. Gently combine. Line a new, freshly cleaned litter box with plastic wrap. Put the mixture into the box. Put three unwrapped Tootsie Rolls in a microwave-safe dish and heat until they're soft and pliable. Shape the ends so that they're no longer blunt, curving them slightly. Repeat with three more Tootsie Rolls and bury them in the mixture.

Sprinkle the other half of the cookie crumbs over the top of the mixture. Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly over the top so they look like the chlorophyll in some cat-box fillers. Heat the remaining Tootsie Rolls, three at a time, in the microwave until they're almost melted. Taper the ends as before, then plop them on top of the cake and sprinkle with cookie crumbs. Serve with a brand new, freshly washed cat-box scoop.

Q: Our dog's nose is occasionally dry and warm, which I always thought was a sign of illness. He doesn't seem sick, though. Should we be worried? -- R.T., via e-mail

A: Assuming your dog gets a regular check-up and seems fine otherwise, then it's nothing to worry about. If there are symptoms besides "dry nose," though, check with your veterinarian.

A dry nose is not indicative of a fever, despite a widely held belief to the contrary. To determine if your dog's running a fever, insert a thermometer with a little lubricating jelly gently into his fanny. A healthy dog should have a temperature of about 102.5, give or take a degree.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

The e-mail was one of those funny things that arrive unexpected, the joke that you and millions of other people get at roughly the same time, usually in multiple copies.

This one, "for baby boomers," made light of how safety-oriented we are today, how our kids play practically bubble wrapped with protective gear, as opposed to the boomer kids about whom no one worried as long as they were home before dark. I smiled in recognition, remembering the days before children had schedules more complicated than a doctor's, and parents had worries more pressing than the president's.

Until I got to the final line of this celebration of "the good old days": "Our dogs ran loose, and never went to the vet."

Sorry, but there the nostalgia stops being so fun. I remember those days with less fondness. I remember roaming family dogs who died of distemper, being hit by cars or getting lost. I remember fleas running rampant, and the way dogs smelled from untreated skin conditions and rotting teeth. I remember how training a pet used to mean punishing the animal, instead of teaching and rewarding good behavior.

Sorry, but I like leash laws for dogs. I prefer to see animals trained cooperatively, instead of through force and fear. And I much appreciated having a dog who recently lived to be almost 16, happy and healthy until the day before he died, and for that I thank our veterinarians and all the improvements in care that have become common in the last couple of decades.

The good old days? For our pets, they're now. With that in mind, I offer some "bubble-wrap" advice for Halloween, one of those holidays that seems tailor-made for getting unprotected pets in trouble.

The two biggest problems with this ghoulish holiday are frightened pets and poisoned pets -- and animal emergency clinics traditionally see plenty of both. With the increase in activity, cats and dogs get nervous, and some will take off if they can. That means an increase in animals hit by cars.

Animals may also be a cause of injury: All those costumed young visitors can trigger territorial instincts or fear-responses in some dogs, who may then become a bite risk. The best solution for most pets is to confine them for the evening in a crate or a quiet room far from the front door or any holiday festivities.

Many animal-welfare groups warn that black cats are at special risk around Halloween, claiming that cultists pick up the animals for ritual torture. Such concerns have led many shelters to halt the adoption of black cats in the days before Halloween. These cruelties are poorly documented, so it's difficult to say how often they actually occur, if at all. Your black cat is more likely to be killed by a car than a cultist, but the threat of either is more than reason enough to keep him inside.

If you keep your pets confined safely inside the house, you will eliminate one source of risk. Keeping them away from the goodies will take care of the other.

Candy is a problem more for dogs than for cats, because cats are generally picky about what they eat. Not so for most dogs, who'll wolf down candy wrappers and all if given the opportunity, giving many a serious case of what veterinarians call "garbage gut."

Any candy can trigger a bout of potentially serious intestinal upset, but chocolate can do much worse. The small dog who gets a large amount of chocolate could end up dead without prompt veterinary intervention.

Some people put costumes on their dogs – and I'm often among them –- and that's safe if you use common sense. You can find ready-made costumes in most pet stores, in almost as much variety as you'll find for children.

Homemade costumes can be fun, too, and you'll find a surprising number of pet-costume events where you and your dog can show off your handiwork. The standby costume for my black retrievers has always been to put round white stickers on them, creating "reverse Dalmatians." Such a costume meets the common-sense standard: It's comfortable and nonrestrictive, and it doesn't involve anything that could be hazardous.

Any celebration can be made pet-safe with just a few basic precautions. Be sure to take them, because veterinarians would rather hand out candy to children than medicine to pets on Halloween.

PETS ON THE WEB

I recently wrote a couple of columns about keeping the house neat if you have pets, complete with lots of great suggestions from readers. But what about keeping your car free of animal-related dirt (and worse)? National Public Radio's "Car Talk" hosts Tom and Ray Magliozzi have collected some listener suggestions on this very subject and have put them on their Web site (http://cartalk.cars.com/info/fido/car-safe.html). There's information on getting fur off car seats as well as eliminating odors. At the bottom of the page are links to other canine car topics, such as avoiding motion sickness.

THE SCOOP

Some cats have a real problem staying hydrated, especially as they age. You can encourage the consumption of more fluids by offering canned food, which has a higher water content than does kibble. Keeping the water bowl clean and the contents fresh is also important because cats, more than dogs, are very finicky about what they eat and drink. You might also consider the purchase of a pet water fountain, such as the Fresh Flow version made by the pet-products company Petmate. The fountain keeps water fresh by circulating it constantly through a filter, providing cats with an appealing drinking source that might encourage them to lap up more of what they need.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: We recently noticed to our dismay that some of the plastic ID tags on our pets were very worn after three or four years, and half the information on them would not have been legible in case of emergency. These need to be checked regularly, and reordered when necessary. Also, we have noticed that the rabies tags from our vet have very sharp edges. Some of our dogs have had had small wounds in their necks from those tags. Perhaps you know someone who would have enough influence to make a change in the design? -- R.L. & C.L., via e-mail

A: It's easier just to leave those rabies tags off. If you have an ID and a municipal license on your pet, you've covered both lost-pet retrieval and rabies awareness needs (since a rabies vaccine is required to get the license).

Pet-recovery expert Liz Blackman, president of the lost-pet tracking service 1-800-Help4Pets, says the key to choosing a tag is how easy it is to read the information it holds. "I discourage the cute tags in favor of visibility and durability," she said. "You want people to be able to read it without taking off the collar or handling the pet much." She added that in her experience, plastic tags are more durable than metal ones when it comes to staying legible longer.

Blackman's service went through several prototypes before choosing a flexible plastic tag that can be easily read day or night, with bright, bold lettering that you don't need to squint to read. 1-800-Help4Pets is a service I have used for years and wholeheartedly endorse. For $20 a year, you get round-the-clock help for your pet if he's found, including the authorization of veterinary care if he's injured. For more information, call 1-800-HELP4PETS for a brochure, or visit www.help4pets.com.

But whatever you do, make sure you keep legible ID tags on your pets' collars. I find the plastic tags need to be replaced every other year, and I keep extras on hand so I don't have to wait to replace a lost, worn or broken one.

"If you need something cute, get a cute collar -- but make sure you get a good tag," says Blackman. "A $100 collar won't save your pet's life, but a $3 tag will."

Q: Someone told me she made a sweater out of her dog's hair, and that just grosses me out. Was she pulling my leg or what? -- S.G., via e-mail

A. Yes, you can make sweaters out of dog fur. If you do a Web search, you'll easily find spinners who'll take the combings from your dog and turn them into beautiful yarn you can use for knitting. It works better with the undercoat of longhaired dogs, but spinners can mix almost any dog fur with the fur of other animals to make yarn.

As for the "gross" factor: What would make dog-hair yarn any more distasteful than yarn from a sheep or goat? It's all nice and clean when it's ready to use.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600