One of my friends is really good about taking her cats to the veterinarian when they're sick, but really bad about follow-up care. I explain to her (as does her veterinarian) that medication doesn't work if you don't put it in the cat as directed.

In response, she shrugs. "I do my best," she says, "but cats don't like to be pilled."

And she's right: Of all the pill-taking questions and suggestions I've received over the years, the most consistent complaints have come from cat lovers. Cats don't want to be bamboozled, cajoled or otherwise messed with. Take that pill and ... well, you know. And put the drops, creams and shots there, too.

But you just can't do that. Seeing your veterinarian and then not following through on care instructions is worse than a waste of money: It may be dangerous for your pet.

So what do you do if your cat hates being medicated?

You can try to disguise a pill in a bit of something yummy in hopes that your pet doesn't notice the pill inside. Problem is, this method works a lot better for dogs, who tend to bolt down their food, than for cats, who eat carefully, considering every mouthful. Sneaking a pill past your cat can be difficult.

For medicines that must be given for more than a short period, it's best to learn to pill your cat the way your veterinarian does. The direct method seems harder at first, but it can be easier on both you and your cat once you've mastered it. The trick is to be swift and deliberate: Take a firm but gentle grip on your cat's head from above, pry open his jaw with the index finger of your other hand, and press the pill far enough back on the tongue to trigger swallowing. A tip: Ask your veterinarian to demonstrate and to assist you in learning.

For liquid medication, be sure your veterinarian sends you home with some large syringes without their needles. These are marked on the sides to make measuring easy, and they're easier at getting liquid medicine in the right place (an eyedropper can also work). Raise your cat's muzzle with a firm but gentle hold on the top of the head and lift the lip on one side. Ease the tip to the back of the throat and then release the liquid in a slow, steady motion. Your cat will swallow naturally.

For ear medication, put a large towel across your lap and draw up your pet, relaxing the animal with stroking and with soothing words. After your cat's relaxed, apply the ear drops, massaging the base of the ear gently. For eye medication, gently apply a line of medication from the tube across the length of the eye, being careful not to touch the surface of the eye. Try to hit drops squarely in the center. Close the lid for a couple of seconds to let the medication distribute evenly.

As with anything your pet would rather avoid, be patient, gentle and firm when giving medication -- and follow with praise and treats. If you're having trouble medicating your pet, have your veterinarian walk you through it, or discuss alternatives.

Whatever you do, don't avoid giving your pet the medications he needs to get better. Get them in your cat, at prescribed intervals, for as long as you're instructed to.

A final important note about medications: Don't stop because your cat seems better, unless your veterinarian gives the OK first. Otherwise, you're flirting with a rebound of what made your cat sick in the first place.

If you have a tip for getting medications into your cat, let me know! I'll share them in an upcoming column.

PETS ON THE WEB

The Pet Loss Grief Support Web site (www.petloss.com) isn't the flashiest or slickest site around, but you'll never find one with more heart. The site includes bulletin boards and a chat room where people can share their feelings of grief (and often guilt), and get advice from other pet lovers who are also going through a difficult time. Memorial pages allow people to post their memories and pictures, while every Monday night the site hosts a candle ceremony to honor pets who have died.

Do have tissues at hand before visiting, though, because everything on the site is heartfelt -- and often heartbreaking.

THE SCOOP

Retrieving games are great for getting your dog some exercise and for strengthening the bond between the two of you. But sometimes those rousing games of fetch can end in serious injury if you're not careful about how you play the game.

Never throw things for your pet in a way that makes him leap high in the air or twist to catch it. If you do, your pet might seriously injure his legs or back upon landing, with the kind of damage that often requires expensive and painful surgery to correct.

Instead, throw the ball or other toy so it stays low and in front of your pet, to help him keep his body near the ground, running instead of leaping.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: Would you please change your attitude about declawing? I have a cat I found outside last November. She was about 6 to 8 weeks old, and at times she acted very feral. I thought she scratched my dog's eye, so I decided she needed to be declawed. Now she is friendlier to my dog and to me, more loving and sociable. -- M.B., via e-mail

A: I'm not completely against declawing. As a last-chance cure for behaviors some people find intolerable, the surgery has kept a lot of cats from being dumped.

However, I am very much against the idea that declawing should be an automatic response to the first sign of scratching, or a pre-emptive strike to prevent a behavior problem that may never have occurred on its own.

Did it occur to you that the socializing you did with this kitten was what turned her temperament around, not the declawing? Chances are that your cat became more lovable because she learned to trust you and feel safe in your home, not because you had her toes surgically amputated at the first joint.

My advice to cat lovers: Don't assume scratching is going to be a problem, and if it becomes one, try training before surgery. If you provide your cat with places to scratch and train the animal to avoid furniture (such as by attaching double-sided tape), you may well be able to live quite happily with your cat, claws and all. As for the occasional swipe of the paw -- it's just part of living with a cat and rarely causes serious damage.

Q: On weekends, my husband and I love to get up early and take our Labrador on hikes. On more than one occasion, Sam has sniffed out and decided to roll in another animal's feces, such as horse or deer. He always seems extremely proud of himself after doing it, too. Why does he do this? Is there a way to stop it? -- B.H., via e-mail

A: For a few years, I had to avoid going to the river trail by my home when fish where spawning, because one of my dogs took such delight in rolling in the most rotting fish carcass he could find. And then there was the time at the ocean when the same dog happily found and threw himself into the bloated remains of a seal who had been dead for a very long time -- ugh!

Some behaviorists believe wolves and dogs instinctively want to smell like something they're not for camouflage purposes, to help them sneak up on prey. While that's a fine theory, the happy look on my own stinky dogs' faces over the years makes me think dogs just like rotten smells, want to wear them and enjoy sharing the stench with those they love.

What can you do? I'd suggest seeing a trainer who can help you strengthen your off-leash control over your dog, so he comes when you call him no matter the temptation. Ask the trainer about teaching the "don't touch" or "leave it" command as well.

Realistically, though, your dog may find rolling in feces or worse so delightful that the only way to stop this disgusting fun is to keep him on leash. Failing that, keep old sheets on the car seats and plenty of dog shampoo at home.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

One of my friends is really good about taking her cats to the veterinarian when they're sick, but really bad about follow-up care. I explain to her (as does her veterinarian) that medication doesn't work if you don't put it in the cat as directed.

In response, she shrugs. "I do my best," she says, "but cats don't like to be pilled."

And she's right: Of all the pill-taking questions and suggestions I've received over the years, the most consistent complaints have come from cat lovers. Cats don't want to be bamboozled, cajoled or otherwise messed with. Take that pill and ... well, you know. And put the drops, creams and shots there, too.

But you just can't do that. Seeing your veterinarian and then not following through on care instructions is worse than a waste of money: It may be dangerous for your pet.

So what do you do if your cat hates being medicated?

You can try to disguise a pill in a bit of something yummy in hopes that your pet doesn't notice the pill inside. Problem is, this method works a lot better for dogs, who tend to bolt down their food, than for cats, who eat carefully, considering every mouthful. Sneaking a pill past your cat can be difficult.

For medicines that must be given for more than a short period, it's best to learn to pill your cat the way your veterinarian does. The direct method seems harder at first, but it can be easier on both you and your cat once you've mastered it. The trick is to be swift and deliberate: Take a firm but gentle grip on your cat's head from above, pry open his jaw with the index finger of your other hand, and press the pill far enough back on the tongue to trigger swallowing. A tip: Ask your veterinarian to demonstrate and to assist you in learning.

For liquid medication, be sure your veterinarian sends you home with some large syringes without their needles. These are marked on the sides to make measuring easy, and they're easier at getting liquid medicine in the right place (an eyedropper can also work). Raise your cat's muzzle with a firm but gentle hold on the top of the head and lift the lip on one side. Ease the tip to the back of the throat and then release the liquid in a slow, steady motion. Your cat will swallow naturally.

For ear medication, put a large towel across your lap and draw up your pet, relaxing the animal with stroking and with soothing words. After your cat's relaxed, apply the ear drops, massaging the base of the ear gently. For eye medication, gently apply a line of medication from the tube across the length of the eye, being careful not to touch the surface of the eye. Try to hit drops squarely in the center. Close the lid for a couple of seconds to let the medication distribute evenly.

As with anything your pet would rather avoid, be patient, gentle and firm when giving medication -- and follow with praise and treats. If you're having trouble medicating your pet, have your veterinarian walk you through it, or discuss alternatives.

Whatever you do, don't avoid giving your pet the medications he needs to get better. Get them in your cat, at prescribed intervals, for as long as you're instructed to.

A final important note about medications: Don't stop because your cat seems better, unless your veterinarian gives the OK first. Otherwise, you're flirting with a rebound of what made your cat sick in the first place.

If you have a tip for getting medications into your cat, let me know! I'll share them in an upcoming column.

PETS ON THE WEB

The Pet Loss Grief Support Web site (www.petloss.com) isn't the flashiest or slickest site around, but you'll never find one with more heart. The site includes bulletin boards and a chat room where people can share their feelings of grief (and often guilt), and get advice from other pet lovers who are also going through a difficult time. Memorial pages allow people to post their memories and pictures, while every Monday night the site hosts a candle ceremony to honor pets who have died.

Do have tissues at hand before visiting, though, because everything on the site is heartfelt -- and often heartbreaking.

THE SCOOP

Retrieving games are great for getting your dog some exercise and for strengthening the bond between the two of you. But sometimes those rousing games of fetch can end in serious injury if you're not careful about how you play the game.

Never throw things for your pet in a way that makes him leap high in the air or twist to catch it. If you do, your pet might seriously injure his legs or back upon landing, with the kind of damage that often requires expensive and painful surgery to correct.

Instead, throw the ball or other toy so it stays low and in front of your pet, to help him keep his body near the ground, running instead of leaping.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: Would you please change your attitude about declawing? I have a cat I found outside last November. She was about 6 to 8 weeks old, and at times she acted very feral. I thought she scratched my dog's eye, so I decided she needed to be declawed. Now she is friendlier to my dog and to me, more loving and sociable. -- M.B., via e-mail

A: I'm not completely against declawing. As a last-chance cure for behaviors some people find intolerable, the surgery has kept a lot of cats from being dumped.

However, I am very much against the idea that declawing should be an automatic response to the first sign of scratching, or a pre-emptive strike to prevent a behavior problem that may never have occurred on its own.

Did it occur to you that the socializing you did with this kitten was what turned her temperament around, not the declawing? Chances are that your cat became more lovable because she learned to trust you and feel safe in your home, not because you had her toes surgically amputated at the first joint.

My advice to cat lovers: Don't assume scratching is going to be a problem, and if it becomes one, try training before surgery. If you provide your cat with places to scratch and train the animal to avoid furniture (such as by attaching double-sided tape), you may well be able to live quite happily with your cat, claws and all. As for the occasional swipe of the paw -- it's just part of living with a cat and rarely causes serious damage.

Q: On weekends, my husband and I love to get up early and take our Labrador on hikes. On more than one occasion, Sam has sniffed out and decided to roll in another animal's feces, such as horse or deer. He always seems extremely proud of himself after doing it, too. Why does he do this? Is there a way to stop it? -- B.H., via e-mail

A: For a few years, I had to avoid going to the river trail by my home when fish where spawning, because one of my dogs took such delight in rolling in the most rotting fish carcass he could find. And then there was the time at the ocean when the same dog happily found and threw himself into the bloated remains of a seal who had been dead for a very long time -- ugh!

Some behaviorists believe wolves and dogs instinctively want to smell like something they're not for camouflage purposes, to help them sneak up on prey. While that's a fine theory, the happy look on my own stinky dogs' faces over the years makes me think dogs just like rotten smells, want to wear them and enjoy sharing the stench with those they love.

What can you do? I'd suggest seeing a trainer who can help you strengthen your off-leash control over your dog, so he comes when you call him no matter the temptation. Ask the trainer about teaching the "don't touch" or "leave it" command as well.

Realistically, though, your dog may find rolling in feces or worse so delightful that the only way to stop this disgusting fun is to keep him on leash. Failing that, keep old sheets on the car seats and plenty of dog shampoo at home.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

If you have a dog who urinates when you scold him or greet him, chances are you are not dealing with a house-training problem. Rather, your dog is exhibiting a behavior the experts call "submissive urination" -- and you'll need a positive, no-punishment approach to get your pup to dry up.

It helps to know what sets this behavior apart from poor house-training. That means learning a little about canine body language, the way dogs and wolves communicate with one another.

Although dogs are domesticated, they still have a lot in common with their wild relatives. Dogs adjust to being members of our families so well because, like us, they have evolved to feel comfortable within a social structure. For dogs and wolves, the family is the pack, and to live harmoniously within it, they need to share a common language that allows some pack members to establish higher rank than others. If fighting settled all disputes, the pack members would soon be so chewed up they wouldn't be able to hunt. So instead, dogs and wolves use ritual behaviors to establish and reinforce pack order.

Submissive urination is one of those behaviors. A lower-status animal will crouch in the presence of more dominant pack members and release a little urine to signal that he accepts his place. He may even roll over on his back and then release urine. The behavior that so annoys humans is perfectly acceptable -- and understandable -- among dogs and wolves.

Among pet dogs, the behavior is more common in puppies and youngsters, and in some breeds or mixes known for their gentle, shy or anxious natures. Dogs who have been abused may also urinate submissively. In these dogs, the message they're trying to convey is heartbreaking: Please don't hurt me anymore! While some dogs urinate when confronted by anyone, even in a friendly manner, others react submissively only when scolded, or when approached by what they see as a particularly intimidating person, such as a man who's very tall or has a deep, booming voice.

Before starting to work on correcting submissive urination, have your pet checked out by your veterinarian to make sure there's no medical difficulty either at the root of the behavior or contributing to the problem. Some medical conditions may make urine-control difficult, and if that's the case, your pet will need to be made healthy before training can be expected to have much of an effect.

Never punish a dog for submissive urination, not only because it's ineffective, but also because it can make the problem worse. Instead, resolve to keep interactions low-key and upbeat, and gently reward your pet for proper greeting behavior -- docile and dry.

When greeting your pup, work to be less dominant. Keep your voice low and quiet, don't make direct eye contact, and come down to your dog's level to lessen your height. Crouch rather than bend at the knees so you don't loom over your dog.

Obedience training is a good confidence builder. So teach your dog to sit and shake hands, and ask for and reward those behaviors when you greet your pet. Since some dogs find a pat on the head intimidating, reward your dog by petting him under the chin, or by scratching him on the chest.

Make sure all family members handle the dog properly, and ask visitors to do the same.

For many young dogs, the problem will resolve itself as they mature, although you can speed things up by working to build your pet's confidence and trust. For other dogs, especially those who've been abused, training may be a frustrating and long-term process.

Correcting submissive behavior might take some time. But with patience, consistency and kindness, you can usually resolve the behavior -- and gain a happier, more confident pet in the bargain.

PETS ON THE WEB

No two cats are alike, but they do seem to fall into a few personality categories. Some are mellow, some always on the go. Some are outgoing, while others spend most of their lives in hiding. A recognition of these differences is one of the best things about www.CatToys.com, which offers suggestions for playthings based on the personality of each individual cat. Best of all: The site offers a discount on the entire order to those shoppers who opt to donate a toy or two to a non-profit shelter or rescue organization.

THE SCOOP

The wide range in size of pet birds suggests that keeping some species together is just asking for trouble. If forced to choose just one bird that doesn't mingle well, avian experts will usually point to the grey-cheeked parakeet. The little bird with a big attitude is usually a sweetie with people but is always ready to rumble with other parrots. These cheeky little guys won't shy from picking a fight with a much larger bird -- which almost certainly leads to injury.

Pay attention to the sizes and the personalities of your birds, and be aware that while some might co-exist peacefully, others might need to be housed not just in different cages but in different rooms. Especially if one of your pets is the pugnacious grey-cheeked parakeet.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: I recently took my cat to get neutered. When the veterinarian noticed my cat was a male calico, he said, "Do you realize that you are sitting on a $50,000 cat?" Now I am curious. What should I do? Who should I contact? -- C.H., via e-mail

A: Gee, don't look at me. I certainly wouldn't give you $50,000 for your pet. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but despite your veterinarian's enthusiasm, I'm afraid there isn't any value to a male calico beyond that of a cherished pet.

How a male cat ends up as a calico is an interesting lesson in genetics. The gene that governs how the orange color in cats will be displayed is on the X, or female, chromosome.

Any cat, male or female, can be orange, but in males that color usually is expressed one way: in the tabby pattern, sometimes called a "ginger tom."

Females can be orange tabbies, tortoiseshells or calicoes. The last two are genetically similar, except that the classic calico has distinct patches of color (white, black and orange) while in the tortoiseshell the same colors are swirled together.

For a cat to be a calico or tortoiseshell, two X-chromosomes must be present, and that means in the vast majority of cases a calico cat will be female. When the calico pattern exists in a male, it's because the cat has three sex chromosomes, two X, one Y -- a genetic rarity. If both of those X-chromosomes carry the genetic instructions for calico or tortoiseshell markings, you're looking at one rare cat.

Approximately one calico in every 3,000 is male.

Q: I read your article about the dog scratching and the assumption that it was fleas. Our Australian terrier had the same problem, and we could not stop her scratching despite numerous flea medications. We took her to the veterinarian, who did a blood test. It turned out that the dog had a thyroid problem. Would you please share this information with the owner of the scratching dog? -- D.D., via e-mail

Q: For the person with a scratching dog, would you please let her know that the problem might be allergies? We had the same problem with our dog, and sure enough she is allergic to the same types of things that bother spring hay fever sufferers. -- S.M., via e-mail

A: You're both right. Skin problems are so pervasive in pets -- dogs especially -- that dermatologists are among the busiest of veterinary specialists. In my own defense, however, I must point out that I did caution the letter-writer that getting to the bottom of the problem might well require a trip to the veterinarian or even a referral to a specialist.

Still, I've been amazed over the years at how invisible fleas can be to some pet lovers. Using the fur-ruffling test, where I rake my fingers through the coat against the grain, I've seen the signs of infestation on many a "flea-free" dog.

Regardless, the point I should have made is that if a dog can't stop scratching, a veterinarian's help is needed. You can waste a lot of time and money guessing at a problem and throwing home or over-the-counter remedies at it -- all while your dog continues to suffer.

Bottom line: Nothing beats a spot-on diagnosis and proper course of treatment from a good veterinarian.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600