"Taz," I said to the visiting boxer. "C'mere, you."

He didn't move. I tried again with the same result, then raised a quizzical eyebrow at my brother. "What's up with your dog?" I said.

Joe smiled. "Hey, Doofus Dope-Boy," he crooned. The dog lifted his head at last and clicked across the hardwood floor for a pat. "See? You just need to call him by the name he knows best."

I should have known the dog had a goofy nickname. My brother, the nickname maniac, never calls anyone by his given name.

It's not just my brother, though. What pet doesn't have a nickname? Animals are great when it comes to such silliness. They don't care what you call them, just as long as you're talking to them. Not like the son who suddenly doesn't want to be kissed in front of his friends and be called "my baby," or the daughter who now insists on having her full name used -- no more of this "princess" stuff.

Not that parents give up so easily. I have a friend whose father still calls her "Poo," not as in Winnie-the-Pooh, but as in the stuff she used to have in her diapers. She's 34 years old, and she'd like to kill him every time he says it, which is, of course, exactly why he'll never stop.

When she gets home from spending time with her father, her cat is there to listen to her complaints. The cat's name is Pfeiffer, but she calls him "Litter-Butt." He doesn't mind at all.

Animals may not resent nicknames, but be careful what you say around their human relations. Back home, my neighbor Robin has a lovely miniature poodle named Whitney, who is certainly a candidate for the most spoiled dog in America. (And yes, I know the competition would be keen.)

Robin calls her dog "Baby Sweetness" or "Poodle Perfection." When I want to annoy Robin, I call the dog "Witless," "Nitwit" or "Half-Wit." It's always a guarantee of keeping some interesting strain in neighborhood relations, even though Robin knows I'm just teasing.

She retaliates by calling my two flat-coated retrievers "Flat-Heads," which, if you've ever been around the older one, is more truth in advertising than insult. The dog is sweet as he can be, but he's not all that bright.

Benjamin doesn't mind the insult, and I don't either. I've called all my pets nicknames far more insulting, some not repeatable in polite company. Usually, though, their nicknames are terms of endearment. Benjamin knows he's in my good graces when I call him "Jam-Jam," and Heather knows being called "Heathen" is the sure sign my lap is hers for the taking. Even the dignified senior dog Andy has nicknames, although he's too deaf to pay them much mind these days. In keeping with our current surroundings in the Deep South, I've taken to calling him "Bubba." It works much better from his point of view if I offer pets or cookies when I say it, so I do.

I wonder, though, if all that purring and wagging of tails isn't just a cover for a little joke on our behalf? Imagine what kind of nicknames our pets could come up with for us. Would Heather make fun of the time I spend on the phone and computer? Would Andy tease me over my lack of cooking skills? Would Benjamin call me a name meant to rib me about my pathetic sense of smell? (When compared to his, that is.) It's another reason why one of the best things about pets is that they know, but they do not tell.

PETS ON THE WEB

Wondering where you can find supplies for your dog through the mail or on the Internet? Check out the catalog page (http://home.att.net/(tilde)hattrick-dals/Catalogs.html) assembled by the folks at the Hat Trick Dalmatian kennels. You'll find a listing of more than three-dozen catalog companies selling everything from general pet products to specialized dog-sports gear and alternative-medicine products. Be sure to check out the Puttin' on the Dog link, which goes to a catalog (www.puttinonthedog.com) of hundreds of nonessential but just plain fun items, from T-shirts to hand-painted wastebaskets, celebrating dozens of different dog breeds.

THE SCOOP

The average weight for a healthy adult cat is between 8 and 10 pounds, although among purebreds, what's normal can vary dramatically by breed. The Singapura, a rare breed whose lines trace to the feral cats of Singapore, is perhaps the smallest breed of cat, with some animals weighing in at less than half the weight of an average cat. The Siberian, another very rare breed, is said to be the biggest cat, with some animals topping the 20-pound mark. Other breeds that aren't quite as large but still qualify for big-cat status include the Ragdoll, Turkish Van, Maine Coon, Norwegian Forest and British Shorthair.

Weigh your cat by holding him as you get on a scale, then weigh yourself and subtract that weight from the first reading. The difference between the two figures is the weight of your cat. It's a good idea to weigh your cat on a monthly basis. Half a pound up or down is no reason for concern, but anything more than that should be investigated by your veterinarian, especially if the change is sudden.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: My boyfriend has an Eclectus parrot. I keep telling him he needs to clean the cage more often. He does a minimal cleaning once a month and a major cleaning once every several months.

When free to roam, the bird makes his way beneath the cage and scavenges the waste tray. My boyfriend says that birds are scavengers, so the bird will be fine. My boyfriend is a veterinary technician, so when it comes to animals he usually has more knowledge than I do.

Please advise if I'm worrying too much. or how I can convince my boyfriend to clean the cage better. -- M.S., via e-mail

A: You're absolutely right. The bird isn't getting proper care. Minimal cleaning once a month? I wonder how your boyfriend would like to be cooped up with his own waste for that long a period!

Cleaning isn't just about neatness -- it's about health. Clean, fresh food and water are essential to a bird's health, and so are clean surroundings. Filth such as you describe is an open invitation to bacteria, fungus and molds, all of which can lead to disease.

Cages need attention on a daily basis. Cage liners (newspaper is fine for this) should be replaced as they become soiled. Food and water dishes should start every day clean, and be cleaned again when pooped in throughout the day.

Spot-cleaning should also include taking a hand-held vacuum to any debris around the cage, and pulling out soiled perches and toys for cleaning as necessary.

Every week or so, the whole setup needs a thorough cleaning -- walls, floor, cage and all its contents. Take the cage outside, scrub with soap and water, and then rinse with clear water and let air-dry. Dishes, and some perches and toys, will fit in the dishwasher for cleaning and sterilization. Everything that doesn't fit in there should be soaked in a solution of a half-cup of bleach to a gallon of water, then rinsed and allowed to air-dry.

Parrots are not scavengers in the sense of eating old or rotting food. In the wild, they eat everything fresh, drop what they don't want, poop prodigiously and then move on to a clean environment. They do not scavenge in their own waste for food.

Your boyfriend is lucky his parrot hasn't gotten sick yet. Hand him this column and tell him to clean up his act, for the health of his pet.

Q: Would you mind another suggestion for your list of how to get a cat to use a cat door? You can replace the stiff rubber or plastic flaps with fabric. I favor heavy terry cloth, canvas or denim. Cats much prefer the softer "curtain" effect, and these heavy fabrics are almost as effective as rubber or plastic at blocking out the elements. They can be taken off and cleaned or replaced when dirty or worn. You can use them as an interim step before replacing the rubber or plastic, or just make the change permanent. -- Christie Keith, Director, Pet Care Forum (www.vin.com/PetCare)

A: Thanks, Christie. And for those of you who are keeping your cats as indoor-only pets, remember that cat doors aren't just a gateway to the outdoors. They can be used to give a cat access to a screened-in porch. They can also help keep dogs from litter-munching by allowing cats into the room where the box is through a hole that's too small for the dog to squeeze through.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

The knock on cats by people who don't like them is that they're unpredictable. One of the traits often mentioned in support of this nonsense is how a cat will go from calmly being petted to attacking the hand that's caressing him -- and without any warning, it seems.

Sorry, but it just doesn't happen that way.

While many people will miss the signs of a change in attitude, if you know what you're looking for, a cat's body language will speak loudly and clearly as to what's going on in the animal's mind, especially when it comes to those seemingly out-of-the-blue attacks.

It's important to remember that cats are very sensitive to touch. The degree of sensitivity has both genetic and social factors. Some cats are born jumpy, while others are made that way because of a lack of socialization or proper training in their kittenhoods. (Never let a kitten come to believe fingers are for chewing on, even in play. Redirect your kitten's playful energy to toys instead.)

Activity levels also play a part in how much petting a cat will tolerate. Heavier, larger cat breeds are usually more satisfied to be sluggish lap kitties than are the lighter, more willowy ones who like to stay on the move.

While you likely can't turn a skitty kitty into a total lap potato, you can work to increase your pet's tolerance for petting by paying close attention to his body language as you slowly increase the time he spends in your lap.

You must first recognize that if your cat bites your hand while you're petting him, you've missed more than a couple of messages from him asking you to stop. The key one: a tail twitch that becomes more agitated, and finally escalates into a noticeable thump or thrash.

You should also be aware that some places are more sensitive than others. For a highly reactive cat, restrict your caresses to behind the ears, under the chin or the base of the tail. A long stroke down the back is too much for some kitties, and you're really taking chances when you decide to tickle your cat's tummy. The cats who enjoy it are well-outnumbered by the cats who'll quickly tire of a tummy rub and seek to stop it with teeth and claws.

Work to build your cat's tolerance to touch over time. When you pick your cat up for a petting session, don't surprise him. Come up on him slowly and pick him up gently, making sure his whole body is supported with a hand under his chest and one beneath his legs.

Pet him in the safe areas on his body only, watching for the first sign of a tail twitch. When you get that early warning sign, put your cat down immediately but gently. Don't let it go so far that he feels the need to jump off you or to bite. The key is to work up to the outskirts of tolerance and stop there, so your cat will learn to trust you in longer sessions.

Never hit a cat for biting. If you miss the signs and end up in your cat's nonaffectionate embrace, just freeze. Providing no resistance will help calm your cat so he will just let go. If you fight back or physically punish your cat, you are more likely to get bitten or scratched in the short run, and damage your relationship with your pet in the long run.

You cat is acting in the only way he knows how. It's up to you to teach him how pleasant petting can be. As any cat lover will tell you, teaching your cat to tolerate petting is well worth the effort -- for the both of you.

PETS ON THE WEB

Patti Moran almost single-handedly created the pet-sitting industry, founding an association and setting standards for others to meet. Her own pet-sitting business grew from two employees to more than 40, and she documented her success in a popular book, "Pet Sitting for Profit" (Hungry Minds Inc., $17.95). The association she founded, Pet Sitters International (www.petsit.com), offers help on its Web site to both those who want to start a business and those who want to find someone good to look after their pets. The organization also promotes a "Take Your Dog to Work Day," which this year will be held on June 22.

THE SCOOP

Characterized by the side-to-side sliding of one jaw over the other, the sound a parrot makes when grinding its bill may be annoying to you, but it should be music to your ears. That's because usually grinding attests to a satisfied and secure bird. You're most likely to hear grinding after your pet has a big meal (in which case, the expression is comparable to the belt-loosening utterances some humans let fly in similar circumstances). Some parrots also making grinding noises when they're drifting off to sleep.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: Please share these tips with your readers in reference to cleaning up pet urine.

When fresh urine comes out of the body, it is relatively clean, with little bacteria in the acid state. As the urine dries, it turns into alkaline salts, in which bacteria flourish and give off an odor. You should first treat an old urine stain with an acid solution (such as vinegar and water), which would offset the alkaline and bring the stain to a neutral pH. You should then apply an enzyme treatment to destroy the bacteria and eliminate the smell.

Since fresh urine is acid, adding vinegar doesn't help: It actually sets the stain in an acid state. In essence, you have given the urine more power to turn into alkaline state and smell. Once in alkaline state, the stain will attract moisture out of the air, activating salts and bacteria and smelling again and again.

Never add vinegar to a fresh urine spill. Instead, blot with warm water and a towel several times. Follow with a mild dish detergent, one teaspoon per quart of water, and continue to rinse and dry. Finally, add an enzyme treatment to eat any bacteria that may be present.

Enzyme treatments are manufactured under many different names and are available in pet-supply stores and catalogs.

I hope this information helps. I too have pets and go though the same problems as everyone else. -- Vince Elko, Rocky Carpet Cleaners, Folsom, Calif.

A: Thanks for the tips. It seems as if urine problems are something that we pet lovers never completely escape. After years of living with perfectly house-trained dogs, I now find myself cleaning up small urine spills on a regular basis. Occasional leaking goes with the territory when you have a dog who's quickly approaching the age of 15.

Someday I'm going to build my dream house, and one of the most pet-friendly features will be the floors. I see them as completely waterproof and scratchproof, and I see a big drain in the middle. Every day I'll just take a big hose and rinse everything away -- paw prints, pet hair and the occasional accident alike.

Please don't tell me this is impossible. Leave me to my dreams!

Q: Would it be a good idea to get two puppies at once? I'm in and out a lot and worry about leaving a puppy alone. Would getting two at once help to ease the loneliness, or would it create problems of which I am unaware? I have had only one dog previously, and I lost her at age 14 a decade ago. -- L.E., via e-mail

A: Most people haven't the time to raise one puppy right, and trying to raise two at once can be setup for disaster.

Two puppies who are raised together will often bond more tightly with each other than with the human members of the house, especially if the pups are from the same litter. Experienced show breeders, who often "grow out" a pair of promising puppies, often get around this problem by sending one of the youngsters to be raised by another breeder.

House-training can be a challenge with two puppies, because one may not get the concept as quickly as the other. Fresh messes from the one who's not getting it may prompt backsliding in the other pup. Obedience training and all-important socialization can also be hard, since you have to find the time to work with each puppy individually.

If you wish to have two dogs more or less "instantly," I'd recommend adopting an adult dog and then a puppy. Give the adult dog a couple of months to settle before bringing in the pup. You'll still need to take time to work with both individually, but if you choose properly, the adult dog should slide easily into your life, giving you ample time to work with the puppy.

You should also consider adopting two adult dogs. Puppies are wonderful, but there's a lot to be said about skipping those crazy first months of their lives. For many families, an adult dog is flat-out a better match.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

In my messy minivan, you'll find most of the tools of a dedicated pet-rescuer. Dishes. Bottled water. Canned cat food. Old towels. One of those cheap collar-leash combos you can find at any veterinary clinic.

Not that I really care what people think, but I've always assumed the impromptu animal-rescue work I do would be universally considered worthwhile, even virtuous. Not so! I recently discovered there are people who think it's nothing short of crazy. And one of those people is now an ex-almost-friend of mine.

Is it possible for pet lovers to be friends with those who don't care about animals? Probably not, I've always figured, considering the fact that no one in my own personal inner circle is without furred or feathered family members. And they're not casual animal lovers either. Their pets go on vacations, have greeting cards sent in their names, and are not to be forgotten on birthdays and holidays. We don't care if others think we're nuts: Our pets are family to us, and that's all that matters.

Still, I was optimistic that a developing friendship with a person who had no pets was going to be fine. After all, I'd had Benjamin with me when we met, sitting in a warm patch of sunlight outside a coffee house. She had said he was a handsome dog and petted him without reaching for a packet of hand sanitizer. Ben isn't exactly a good judge of character -- he likes everyone -- but he offered her his paw with dignity and held her gaze while she admired him. A good start, I figured.

We met for coffee a couple of times more and finally decided to grab some dinner together, planning to meet some of her friends at a restaurant. I picked her up, and we hadn't gone but a mile or two when I saw a young shepherd mix pacing in fear at the side of a busy boulevard.

I pulled over and reached for a leash. "What are you doing?" she said.

"Getting that dog," I replied, opening the car door while she complained that we'd be late for dinner. As I inched soothingly toward the half-grown pup, I could hear the radio volume increase behind me and then the driver's side door slam. She wasn't going to help, that was for sure.

The dog came to me willingly, wagging his tail and jumping into the back of the van as if he'd done it many times before. I told my dining companion to call her friends on the cell phone. We wouldn't be making it to dinner after all.

She was dumbfounded by this turn of events. After some give-and-take, we agreed instead that I'd drop her at her home and she'd go on without me. Her last words: "I knew you were into animals, but this is ridiculous."

And they were last words to me, indeed. She has no room in her life for an animal nut, and I have none for someone who considers dinner plans more important than an animal's life. We probably both spent the next few days complaining about each other's behavior to our real friends, the sympathetic ones who share our respective points of view.

As for the dog, he was quickly reunited with his family because of his ID tag. When they finally stopped looking for him long enough to answer the phone (he'd slipped out just a few hours earlier), the reunion was easy to arrange.

Two days later they brought over a basket of fruit and a gift certificate to a nearby restaurant to thank me for helping their pet.

It's one of my favorite places to eat, and I'm thinking of inviting them along. I bet we could be friends. They'd understand a van full of pet gear. I just know it.

PETS ON THE WEB

If you're missing a pet or have found one, you might want to tap into the resources of the Missing Pet Network (www.missingpet.net), a volunteer effort founded by staffers at the U.S. Department of Agriculture and managed by animal lovers in each state. The site offers information on how best to find a lost pet, as well as help with disaster planning for families with pets.

While the Missing Pet Network is probably the most wide-reaching in scope nationally, many local shelters and other animal groups maintain lost-and-found listings. To find these, use a search engine like Google (www.google.com) and put in some words such as "Lost Pets" and your city and state. A good collection of links to missing pet pages can be found at www.eburg.com/(tilde)dalmatia/splinks.html.

THE SCOOP

What could feel nicer on a cold day than a massage -- for your pet? Not only will a massage make your pet feel good and strengthen the bond between the two of you, but it will also do good things for your own physical well-being. Giving your pet a massage will help to relax you and lower your blood pressure. What a deal! Maryjean Ballner's books will help you learn to give your pet the healing touch: "Cat Massage" and "Dog Massage" are a bargain at $11.95 each, and your pets will thank you for their purchase. You can find out more about the books (as well as a "Cat Massage" videotape) at www.catmassage.com.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: You recently answered a question about the golden retriever who (as dogs always do) snacks on the contents of the litter box. We solved this problem by placing heavy, covered litter boxes, preferably in corners, with the opening toward the wall.

Enough space can be left for a cat to slide through and into the litter box, but not for a dog to be able to forage inside. -- Munira Murrey, via e-mail

A: Your strategy works great for cats that tolerate covered litter boxes. Those with asthma should have open ones, though, so they are less bothered by the concentration of litter dust and other irritations.

Your note reminds me of setup in my friend Jan's house, designed to keep the dog out of the cat food. Her husband got a plastic milk crate, set it on its side and secured it with the opening in a corner. The cats can easily hop over the crate, through the triangle-shaped opening and into the crate where the dishes are. The dog can't fit, though, and is forced to watch the cats eating -- a torment the cats likely enjoy immensely.

When dealing with litter-box snackers, you have to always make sure your cat is comfortable with the arrangements you've made to keep the dog at bay. If you don't, you'll be finding little kitty offerings elsewhere in the house. If the cat's not happy, no one is happy!

Q: When we used to travel with our pets to the homes of our friends and families, we had temporary tags made up to pop on the pets' collars while visiting. If your dog somehow got loose while you're at your parents' house, you'd rather the pet-finder had a local contact. The tags are cheap, and you just store them with the keys to your folks' home until next time. -- P.T., via e-mail

A: Some of the larger pet-supply stores have machines where you can make your own pet tags -- they're fun to use, really.

I like to travel, and I take my pets whenever possible. Years ago a dog-loving friend and co-worker, Judy Jordan, shared her solution for temporary pet IDs: key tags.

She uses those simple round paper ones you can get cheaply at any hardware store. When she's at a campground or in a hotel, she writes the name and phone number of the place on the tag, plus a room or campsite number. They're so easy to find and inexpensive that it's no big deal to make up a new one every day.

I've used this tip for years, although I prefer to use the heavier plastic key tags that you can slip a piece of paper into. It's not as convenient, since you have to cut up some 3-by-5 cards beforehand to have paper for inserting. But my dogs are water dogs, and if there's a puddle to splash through, they'll find it. While the plastic tags aren't waterproof, they're certainly more water-resistant than paper tags.

My pets also always carry the tags of one of those national tracking services as well, with an 800 number good for wherever we roam.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600