Sometimes the columns just write themselves, like this one, which was born at 2 a.m. in an exam room of the emergency veterinary clinic, while I waited for the staff to return with good news and my sweet old dog, Andy.

I got both soon enough.

Andy's problems had started some 90 minutes earlier, when he woke me up with the sound of his vomiting. Dogs barf (lots), so the first couple of hurls didn't concern me. But after 20 minutes went by and Andy was still at it, I became very worried. Pancreatitis, perhaps? I knew how deadly that could be, especially with a 14-year-old dog. Could it be what the veterinarians call "garbage-pail gastritis" -- a bad tummy ache? We were soon on our way to find out.

His blood work turned out fine, so the veterinarian gave the old boy some fluids --- dehydration is always a concern -- and sent us on our way. She figured he probably ate something he shouldn't have, and a couple of days on a bland diet would set him right. I happily paid the bill and drove Andy home. Maybe I'd overreacted, but I always figure I'd rather pay to know my dog's OK than to find out later that he wasn't.

It's often hard to decide what's worth worrying about and what can wait until you can get your pet in during regular -- and less expensive -- hospital hours. I've spent enough time in emergency clinics to know that sometimes people waste their money through lack of knowledge, bringing pets in for such things as worms. (One woman was convinced the worm was a piece of her cat's intestines.) Other folks take too lightly such things as vomiting, which can be a sign of something deadly serious.

Anything is worth a call to the veterinarian if you're not sure, but some things definitely require urgent attention. Among them:

-- Seizure, fainting or collapse;

-- Eye injury, no matter how mild;

-- Vomiting or diarrhea, anything more than two or three times within an hour or so;

-- Allergic reaction, such as swelling around the face or hives;

-- Any suspected poisoning, including antifreeze, snail or rodent bait, or human medication;

-- Snakebite;

-- Thermal stress, a pet that has been too cold or too hot;

-- Any wound that's open and bleeding, or any animal bite;

-- Traumatic injury, such as being hit by a car;

-- Breathing problems, including chronic coughing or near drowning;

-- Straining to urinate or defecate;

Sometimes an animal may seem to be fine, such as after being hit by a car. But the story inside may be quite different, with internal injuries that need immediate veterinary attention. Any delay can cost your pet his life.

Most everything else can wait until morning, but here I must add a plea on your pet's behalf: Just because something CAN wait, doesn't mean it SHOULD wait. If your pet's in pain, take him in. You know he'd do the same for you. And remember: When in doubt, call, no matter the time of day or night.

A final note on veterinary emergencies: Do you know where to go if you have one? Check with your veterinarian to see if the hospital is open 24 hours a day, or if staff is always on call in case of an emergency. If your veterinarian does not offer after-hours care, the hospital usually works with one that does. Learn the location of the nearest emergency-care center, and put the phone number in a place where you can find it. The last thing you need to be doing with a sick pet at 2 a.m. is trying to find the phone book.

PETS ON THE WEB

The Humane Society of the United States is behind the slick Animal Channel Web site (www.animalchannel.net), and it's as good a collection of animal news as you'll find anywhere. The site is also big on interactivity, with polls and discussion areas, as well as audio and video features that you can play on your computer with Real Audio software. The video stories range from the serious (the grim lives of dogs on Native American reservations) to the upbeat (a feature on driving across country with three dogs). A lot of this site will be difficult for people who don't have the fastest of Internet connections, but even without the audio and video, it's a stop on the Web that should be visited again and again.

THE SCOOP

It's not very often that I'll run across a pet hazard I haven't warned about before, but I've got a new one, thanks to a recent edition of the magazine Cat Fancy. The danger: Dumpsters. The magazine reports that open Dumpsters -- especially behind restaurants -- are a magnet for wandering cats, who climb in to feast off what has been thrown away. The problem comes when the trash is collected, and the cats are hurled into trucks and are crushed when the compacting mechanism is turned on. The solution is an easy one: Keep the lids down on all Dumpsters. Thanks to Cat Fancy for bringing this hazard to light.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: Our boxer, Elvis, has the awful habit of taking off if he finds himself outside without a leash. This happens more times than I like to think about, since our kids aren't exactly careful about closing doors or gates all the way. Elvis has led me on many chases, including one last week in 100-degree weather that went on for blocks. I finally cornered him, or he'd still be running. He doesn't pay the slightest attention to my calling him; he just wants to run. What can I do? -- D.R., via e-mail

A: Maybe your dog is afraid to come to you. Do you punish your dog when you finally catch him? Punishing your pet is a good way of making sure the next time he gets loose he'll run farther, faster. Being reunited with you should be a positive experience. Never, ever punish a dog for coming to you or for failing to come.

If you're not punishing him, perhaps your dog really doesn't understand what you want. Few people practice the "come" command enough -- or at all. You probably use "sit" a half-dozen times a day, just around the house, but you probably never use "come."

Be fair: Ask yourself if your dog really understands what's expected of him. Most dogs don't. Or maybe your dog doesn't see why he should listen to you. Many dogs learn that what you want is only one of the factors that go into his deciding what he's going to do. A dog who knows what's expected of him and respects you is going to mind you. A dog who thinks you're a dope who couldn't catch a bus is going to treat you like the fool he thinks you are. What a fun game you're playing together!

If the problems are training and respect, you can fix them both together. Train your dog, work with your dog, and the respect will follow. Teach your dog the "come" command in increments, on a standard 6-foot leash, on progressively longer and lighter lines, and with lots of positive reinforcement. Practice, not just in formal sessions but in everyday life.

Make a game of it: Put your dog on "stay" in part of the house and call him to you from around a corner -- or hide! (The kids will love this one.) And sharpen up all your dog's manners, because they help reinforce your role as leader. Get the help of a trainer if you just don't seem to be getting anywhere.

In the meantime, there are a couple of tricks you can use to catch him. Try to sweet-talk him in with a kneeling, open-arms stance; or run away from him, enticing him to follow -- the chase instinct is very strong in most dogs. Another strategy is to use a command he knows well, like "sit." Once he's planted, you can take him by the collar, with lots of praise.

Another tip: Take the car. The dog who loves car rides -- and that's most of them -- will often jump right in if you get close and open the car door.

Q: I know some big parrots can live 70 years or more. What about the little guys? -- G.W., via e-mail

A: Even little guys can be with you for a long time, with proper care and nutrition. Budgies can make it into their teens and beyond, as can lovebirds, parrotlets and cockatiels. Medium-sized parrots, such as Senegals and conures, can be expected to be around 20 to 40 years.

It needs to be noted, however, that for most birds there's a huge gap between the life span they're capable of enjoying and the years they actually have on this Earth. A lot of the difference is in nutrition. Parrots who are fed an all-seed diet are eating the equivalent of junk food, and that's going to catch up with them before too long. A better plan: a core diet of pellets, supplemented by fruits and vegetables.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

One of my readers picked up the ashes of her old Labrador the other day, the burnished wooden box the only physical remainder of the dog who had been part of her life for nearly 13 years. She had taken care of him for all that time, but only in the latter half of his life had she come to cherish his companionship.

His death was a double whammy: With him, he took the last reminder of the life she once led. He had been a family dog, a pup bought for the children -- her husband's idea, not hers, she said -- but at the end of his life, she and the dog were the only residents of the big suburban ranch house. Her children were grown and gone, and she and her husband had split. The house now seemed intolerably large, she said, and she figured she'd sell it.

In a smaller place, she'll get a smaller dog -- someday. But for now, there is the matter of the box. "It doesn't seem right to put it in a closet," she wrote. "He was a special dog, and he meant a lot to me. I want to do something more."

What can you do to remember a special pet? The answers are as varied as every person who has gone through such a loss. Some people figure when a pet is gone, that's it, and they don't do anything to remember them, save shed a few tears. I must admit to being in that camp: I've never stopped missing the pets I've lost, but I've never brought home ashes, arranged for a burial plot, or even so much as planted a rose bush in a pet's memory.

Some people have commissioned paintings, or donated millions to build new shelters in their community, or to fund efforts to fight pet overpopulation. Maddie's Fund, a Alameda, Calif.-based foundation that's making a big difference reducing the number of surplus animals, is named for a schnauzer once owned by software magnates Cheryl and Dave Duffield, whose millions fund the foundation in the dog's memory. In a considerably smaller way, others follow the Duffields' example, making a donation to a humane group or other animal-related charity.

Others have made photo albums or, in a high-tech twist, built or contributed to memorial Web pages. The back pages of pet-related publications carry ads offering urns, or small grave markers, and some people have chosen those. My friend Peg in Georgia had two goldens who were devoted to each other. Sadie died, but Sundance hung on for a few years more. When he died, Peg put their ashes next to each other on the mantel, so they could be together again.

Does all this sound silly? Not to anyone who has ever loved a pet. And we are in good company: Writers no less significant than Lord Byron and Eugene O'Neill have written on the sorrow over losing a pet, and the grave of writer Albert Payson Terhune's collie, Lad, still attracts visitors to the dog's New Jersey resting place more than 80 years after Lad's death. (The epitaph reads "Lad: Thoroughbred in Body and Soul, 1902-1918.")

I know the reader who is now contemplating that box of ashes will find an answer in her heart to the question of how best to remember her Labrador.

And now, readers, I want to know what you have done when faced with a similar situation. How have you honored the memory of a special pet? Drop me a note or e-mail at the address at the bottom of the column. I'll share responses in a future piece.

PETS ON THE WEB

The hip literary magazine The Bark, which offers the best writing on dogs within its pages, began life as a newsletter promoting off-leash recreation areas. The magazine's staff still actively supports safe places for dogs to run, and they've put a two-part overview of the issue on their Web site.

The first part examines the history and reasons behind legalized off-leash areas, and the second presents a step-by-step blueprint for those trying to get these important recreational sites put in place in their communities. The second part also offers links to other sites in support of dog parks.

The Bark's main Web page (www.TheBark.com) is undergoing a renovation, but you can access the dog park articles at www.thebark.com/new/dogpark1.html (click on the link at the top of the first article to get to the second). The pair is an outstanding resource, not only in helping to get local government to support off-leash areas, but in countering the arguments of any off-leash naysayers.

THE SCOOP

The spike-shaped burrs known as foxtails are more than an annoyance; they can cause infections if they work their way into a dog's body -- typically through the nose or ears, although the pointy devils have also wormed their way into eye sockets and between the pads on paws.

Foxtails move in one direction only -- forward -- and they utilize the vibration caused by the animal's movement to keep corkscrewing forward. Once they're inside, you'll need a veterinarian's help to pull them out and fight the infection.

The best preventive care is to check your dog constantly (but especially after a visit to a field or park) and remove foxtails the moment you see them. This can usually be accomplished with a comb or brush, but if you've left the foxtail long enough to really work its way into the fur, spritz a little non-stick cooking spray (such as Pam) onto the area to help you work the burr free.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: What's the best way to get rid of mites on my parakeet? Can I just hang one of those mite protectors in his cage? Will that kill them? -- J.W, via e-mail

A: Skip the mite protector; it could do more harm than good. Worms, mites, lice -- how much should you be worrying about the effect of parasites on your pet bird? The answer: not too much, overall. Not only are parasites a lot less common a problem than most people think, the actions some bird-lovers take to get rid of pests that don't exist in their birds in the first place can put their pets at grave risk.

As long as your healthy bird isn't exposed to other birds whose health is unknown, he realistically shouldn't be picking up parasites. Mites, lice and worms don't just materialize out of thin air!

"Deworming" your bird, or using sprays or other pest-control products, can be bad news for your bird. Birds are especially sensitive to inhaled toxins, from bug sprays to cleaning products to the fumes from overheated non-stick cookware. The best strategy is to avoid any harsh fumes around your bird, including those from the popular mite pendants.

If you believe your bird has parasites, see your veterinarian for proper diagnosis and safe treatment, as well as advice on how to prevent reinfestations. There are different types of lice, different types of mites and different types of intestinal parasites -- and there are different types of treatments for all of these problems. A veterinarian with experience in avian medicine will help you do what's best for your bird.

Q: My parents just got me a hamster, and I really like him. I'm wondering how long I can expect to have him. And one more question: Why does he always want to play at night? -- G.A., via e-mail

A: With good care, your pet should be with you for about three years.

Hamsters are active at night because they're supposed to be: Many rodents do their sleeping in hidden places by day and venture out at night when they're less likely to be spotted by a predator.

Basic hamster care includes using safe bedding material (no pine or cedar shavings), keeping the cage clean, and having fresh food and water constantly available. (Press the ball on the water bottle to ensure water is flowing freely.) Hamsters will do fine on commercial food supplemented by a small but constant amount of fresh, clean fruits and vegetables. A wheel for exercise is also important; after all, hamsters weren't meant to spend their lives in small cages, and they need to stretch their legs to stay healthy.

Hamsters are born escape artists, so always be sure to check and double-check the latch on your cage after you've been playing with your pet.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

So often I seem to be writing about the value of patience when it comes to getting a pet to do something he'd rather not. Time can work wonders, but sometimes those wonders take a lot of time indeed.

In the case of my big retriever, Benjamin, I can now report success with his nail-trimming. My most tender-footed pup now accepts nail trims as inevitable and doesn't fight me toe-by-toe. The timetable for such success? A mere five years. How time flies when you're not having fun struggling to keep nails trimmed on 80 pounds of highly reluctant dog!

Shortening nails can turn into a hard-fought war with bloody casualties on both sides. Because of that, many people leave the task of trimming nails to their groomer or veterinarian. But unless you're seeing these professionals a lot more than most people, your pet's nails aren't being trimmed often enough. Long nails can make walking uncomfortable and can even cause lameness, which is why trimming nails short -- they should be just off the ground when your pet is standing -- and then trimming them just a pinch every week is a better way to go.

The problem with nails is that each has a blood vessel inside. The trick is to trim to just beyond the end of this vein; if you nick it, the nail will bleed, and your dog will yelp. Everyone hits this vein on occasion, even veterinarians, which is why you should be sure to have blood-stopping powder on hand, such as Kwik Stop, before you start trimming.

If your dog has light-colored toenails, the blood vessel is the pink area. Black nails are harder to figure out, but you should be able to see the vein by shining a flashlight behind the nail. If you can't tell, just clip back a little at a time. If you draw blood, take a pinch of the powder and press it against the exposed bottom of the nail for a few seconds to stop the bleeding.

If your dog's nails are so long that they're forcing her foot out of position, you can take them back to where they should be in two ways. The first is to cut a little off them every few days: The quick recedes before you as you go. The second way is to have your veterinarian take them all the way back when your dog is under anesthesia, such as for a dental cleaning and scaling. After the nails are the proper length, both in the front and back, keeping them that way is easy with a weekly trim.

If your dog is resistant to having her nails trimmed, work up to the task slowly by touching her feet, then her toes, then the nails, all while praising her and giving her a treat for holding still. When she is used to having her feet handled, put the trimmer against the nail and praise and treat more still. Then trim a little off, and so on. Praise and more praise! Treats and more treats! Don't insist on getting all the nails done. Do one a night, and put the nippers away while both you and the dog are feeling positive about the experience.

The process of teaching a dog to tolerate nail trims can be a long one (and Benjamin is truly a worst-case scenario). If you're patient, consistent and persistent, you'll get there.

While you're trimming, don't forget the dewclaws, those extra toes you can find up on the inside of the leg. Not all dogs have them, but for those who do, neglected nails can be a problem. They catch on things such as upholstery and can tear the toe partly off the leg, which is one reason why many breeders have them removed at birth. Keeping the nail on the dewclaw short is important, too.

THE SCOOP

An alternative to nail-trimming is nail-grinding. You can buy a canine nail grinder, or just use a lightweight rotary grinding tool, such as the Dremmel. Some dogs very much prefer having their nails ground instead of clipped, perhaps because with a grinder it's easy to stop before you hit the quick. The most important thing to remember when grinding is that nails can get very hot while you're working on them. Don't grind continuously. Touch the grinder to the nail in very, very short bursts -- a second or two, at most -- to keep the heat from building up.

PETS ON THE WEB

How to Love Your Dog (www.geocities.com/(tilde)kidsanddogs) advertises itself as "A Kid's Guide to Dog Care," and you'll certainly be able to turn your kid loose here and feel good about the experience. The site offers oodles of fascinating information on dogs, along with kid-friendly tips on training and care, riddles, quizzes and games. I love the areas where the kids themselves contribute to the content.

The sections on what dogs cost and what dogs need will help children understand those circumstances when getting a dog just isn't possible. For those children who can't have dogs, a list of suggestions are included to ease the longing, from getting an alternative pet to walking a neighbor's dog. The creator, Janet Wall, also maintains a mailing list for parents and teachers who'd like to be kept informed when new content goes on the site.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: When my neighbor moved, she gave me her white cockatiel. Blanca is a nice bird (very tame), and we're getting along fine. Following your advice, I'm even trying to convert her from an all-seed diet to pellets, along with sharing my food with her. It's slow going, but we're getting there. One thing that came with Blanca has me wondering, though. My neighbor gave Blanca an antibiotic that she bought at a pet store whenever she thought her bird was sick. I guess it worked OK, but I noticed that the label says the medication is for fish. I wonder how safe it is. -- B.K., via e-mail

A: Antibiotics are one of the outstanding contributions of modern medicine, and they have saved countless lives. But we have become so comfortable with these medicines and their frequent usage that we sometimes forget they are powerful drugs that should be used with care.

And yet many pet owners respond to any sign of illness by dosing -- and often overdosing -- their pets with a couple of antibiotics commonly available at pet-supply stores (and often labeled for other pets, such as the one meant for fish). This sort of treatment for a sick bird is a spectacularly bad idea, for a couple of reasons.

First, if your bird has a viral or fungal infection, an antibiotic will not help. And in the case of a fungal infection, it may even worsen your bird's condition.

Second, not all antibiotics are the same. They each have their target bacteria, and may little affect the bacteria that they're not designed to combat, as well as bacteria that are resistant to their effects.

Finally, regular use of antibiotics may affect both your bird's immune system and the bacteria trying to beat it, leading to the development of antibiotic-resistant strains of bacteria that will be hard to stamp out even with the "right" medication.

When you buy an antibiotic at a pet-supply store, you are often wasting your money. And you're certainly losing time -- time that should be spent taking your bird to your veterinarian for an accurate diagnosis and targeted treatment.

I recommend that you take Blanca to see a veterinarian familiar with birds to assess her overall health and make sure she's getting the best possible care in your home. Your neighbor's reliance on an all-seed diet and over-the-counter medications means Blanca didn't get off to the best start in life. It's up to you to help her onto the right track.

Q: What's the largest breed of cat? -- H.R., via e-mail

A: It's a very rare breed in this country, but the Siberian cat may be the largest, with males approaching 30 pounds -- and looking even bigger, with a lush coat of long, thick fur. More common, the Maine coon cat is a pretty hefty contender, with males getting close to 20 pounds. The normal weight range for most cats runs 8 to 10 pounds, by the way.

The smallest breed of cat, incidentally, is the Singapura, which looks rather like a small Abyssinian. Females run as small as 4 pounds, and males aren't much bigger, at 6.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600