Madison Square Garden in New York City is a pretty big place, and it is packed during the Westminster Kennel Club dog show. I was there for the recent event because it's the ultimate dog fix, because I was covering it, and because I wanted to meet up with some of my best friends.

I knew the last task would be the hardest because I had never met them, had only the faintest clue what they looked like, and had no knowledge what they sounded like. How could this be? Friends I'd never met? Easy: We were part of the big community of pet lovers on the Internet.

I belong to a couple of mailing lists, the online equivalent of a discussion group, and I frequent a few online message boards. Over the years you get a feel for the people, and you start to form friendships with those with whom you share some commonalities -- same kind of pet, same kind of attitude toward pets.

In recent years I've met a few such people in person. One couple in particular are now among my very best friends, even though they're 3,000 miles away. I spend a week or two in their home every fall, and I know their kids (two), dogs (four), cats (six) and bird (one) almost as well as I know my own family. Heck, they (BEGIN ITALICS)are(END ITALICS) my family. The same is true of a couple of dog lovers who live much closer to me, a mere four-hour drive away. We were once just words on a computer screen. Now they too are family.

Still, it's one thing to visit someone's home -- you can guess it's them when they answer the door -- and quite another to find someone in a crowd as vast as the one at this dog show. A couple of people found me the first day of the show; I found the rest the second. I never would have spotted the retriever gang I was hoping to find had not one of them been wearing a T-shirt with a likeness of her dog on it -- the same rare breed I have.

"Is that a flat-coated retriever?" I ventured. "Are you Gina?" she said. The answer, in both cases, was "yes." You'd have thought we were a couple of spies talking in secret code -- "The owl hoots at midnight." All that was missing was a secret handshake.

Instead, there were hugs all around and plenty of pictures. We imposed on some jaded New Yorker to take our group picture in front of the wall of show-dog pictures. The woman was amazingly patient, snapping a single picture with at least a half-dozen different cameras. Everyone wanted to remember the moment.

This group of purely electronic acquaintances, mostly golden retriever owners, had decided to come to the show to meet. They weren't people with show dogs, for the most part -- just people brought together by the love of their dogs.

I later caught up with the flat-coat group, in the area where the dogs are displayed when they're not in the ring. Again, it felt like home. One woman I've "known" for about four years now (but never really met until the second day of the dog show) knew me well enough to know what I needed most. "Do you want a dog fix?" she asked. I spent the next few minutes snuggling with one of hers, which made being away from mine a little easier.

The Internet is a mixed blessing, many have argued. For some, it is isolating: Their contact with other people never goes beyond the electronic level. For others, it's dangerous: They fall deeper and deeper into destructive obsessions. But for others -- and I'm certainly one of the fortunate -- the Internet has been a way to connect with people you'd never have met otherwise, people who really ought to be in your life.

That's what I was thinking when the nice New Yorker told us all to smile for the camera. I put my arm around a fellow animal lover and was happy as a golden retriever to be with my friends.

THE SCOOP

New York City was one of the first to put in a pooper-scooper law, and the penalty for ignoring it will cost you dearly: $100 if you're caught. There are a lot of dogs in the city -- all sizes, shapes and mixes imaginable -- but not a lot of dog mess. In fact, I didn't see any during my stay. And that's pretty amazing considering that the few blocks around Madison Square Garden during the Westminster show are teaming with 2,600 of the nation's top show dogs -- a high concentration, even for population-dense New York. There was a whole lot of scooping going on, with the simplest of devices in use: the plastic bag. Forget all the fancy scoops you might see in the catalogs. The pros use a simple sandwich bag for small dogs, and any manner of larger ones for dogs as large as Great Danes. It's easy, it's neat, it's done ... just like that. There's no excuse not to scoop, even if your town won't fine you for leaving a mess behind.

PETS ON THE WEB

A must-see stop for dog lovers in New York is the William Secord Gallery, offering the loveliest of dog paintings at prices out of the range of most of us. Secord used to be the curator of the Dog Museum of America, and when that organization moved to St. Louis, he opened a gallery. There's always a stunning show during Westminster, and this year's was no exception, with the work of 19th-century painter Sir Edwin Landseer on display. You don't have to come to Manhattan to see the collections, though. The gallery has put it all on the Web at www.dogpainting.com. Just make sure you're sitting down before you click on the prices.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: I'm very frustrated with my parrot, Charley. He's an Amazon (yellow naped) and a real brat. I scold him all the time and even yell at him sometimes, but he's very poorly mannered. What can I do? -- G.R., via e-mail

A: Have you ever had a teacher or boss who never had anything nice to say about anything you did but came down hard on you if you made a mistake? Did you find that person likable? Do you enjoy being around that person, or were you stressed-out waiting for the boom to fall?

We're not sure why so many people are so quick to criticize and so slow to praise, but we do know this all-too-human tendency can have a negative effect on your bird. Instead of waiting to catch your bird doing something wrong, look for opportunities to praise your pet. A few sweet words, a favorite treat or a neck scratch -- your bird deserves these signs of respect for being the kind of companion you want him to be, however briefly he's managing to pull it off.

Is he playing quietly with a toy? Staying on his play gym? Show him you approve! Spend time with your bird every day, working on good behaviors, playing with toys together, and just plain hanging out. Talk to your bird, snuggle your bird, if he likes that sort of thing (not all do), and take time to figure out your bird's favorite places to be scratched.

If the only time you deal with your bird is to (occasionally) clean up the cage, change the food and water, and yell at him for screaming, you're not holding up your end of the deal. Ideally, your pet bird should be a member of your family. Make him one, and always keep an eye out for opportunities to let your bird know he's appreciated. He'll appreciate you in return!

You might also benefit from a call to an avian behaviorist, who can help show you how to train your bird. An avian veterinarian should be able to refer you to someone.

Q: I watched the Westminster dog show, and I was glad that poodle didn't win. That haircut was ridiculous! Why is that necessary for showing? I feel sorry for the dog. -- P.H., via e-mail

A: You may not have liked that big white poodle, but this Westminster finalist came into the show as the top dog in the sport. As for the haircuts, these dogs are used to it, and after their show careers are over they're usually cut down into something easier to live with. The poodle's show cut has a sensible origin: It was supposed to help the dog while swimming. Hair was removed from where it was thought to be in the way, and was left where it was thought to keep the dog warm -- over the chest and neck, over the ankles and hips.

Things have gotten pretty ridiculous since, I agree, but don't look for any changes soon. Even a good dog couldn't win without that haircut. It's interesting to note that there has been a surge of interest in using the larger poodles for their original purpose -- as smart, responsive and hardworking retrievers. The poodles who work in the field are usually cut short -- not shaved, just trimmed down. They swim just fine, thank you very much.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

The e-mails came within minutes of each other, and I was stunned by how perfectly matched they were. One was cause; the other, effect.

Both wrote about golden retrievers: one, the retriever he hoped to buy; the other, the dog she'd just lost.

"I promised the kids a dog, and we've decided to get a golden," wrote the first. "I was referred by a co-worker to a breeder who had a waiting list of six months. Yes, she seems to know what she's doing. She certifies the parents as having good hips, and she offers health guarantees. The father of the litter she's planning is a champion, and both father and mother have obedience and agility titles. But we don't want to wait that long! We found someone with a litter -- no papers, but purebred. They're ready to go now. We want a pet, not a show dog. Is there any real reason we shouldn't get a puppy from the people who have them now?"

The second person had bought a pup a year ago from a breeder such as the one that the first letter-writer is considering -- a backyard breeder, they're called. The result of the breeding of two pet goldens, neither of which had health clearances, was that the puppy developed hip dysplasia and was soon in near-constant pain from the malformed joints. Finally, the owner had to make the decision to end the young dog's life to spare him the pain. With three small children and tight budget, she couldn't afford the thousands of dollars for the surgery that might have helped the dog. "We are devastated," she wrote. "We now know we should never have bought a puppy from a breeder like this. Please, can you warn others?"

Some days that's all I seem to do, and it doesn't help much. I get dozens of e-mails and letters every week from people who made a big mistake when getting a puppy, and they leave me as perplexed as they do saddened. They've bought puppies carrying the time bomb of genetic disease, or puppies destined for temperament problems because of poor breeding and a lack of proper socialization. In goldens alone, careless or clueless breeders have produced dogs with hip disease, blindness, heart defects, thyroid disease and cancer, as well as hyperactivity and aggression. And goldens aren't alone. Every breed has its own problems that dedicated fanciers are working to eliminate.

How can it be that people still don't know the higher potential for problems when you buy a purebred puppy any other way than directly from a reputable breeder? How can intelligent people who spend hours researching a VCR or vacuum cleaner buy a purebred puppy on a whim? Why do so many people spend more time reading the label on a frozen dinner than they do researching the purchase of an animal who will be a family member for years?

I don't have the answers to these questions. But it's easy to find the answers to the questions you (BEGIN ITALICS)should(END ITALICS) be asking if you're considering a purebred puppy. The best writing on finding a good breeder I've ever seen is in Michele Lowell's book "Your Purebred Puppy: A Buyer's Guide" (Holt, $14). But there is a lot more information out there, as close as the Internet or your local library.

When you do make the right decision about where you buy your puppy, you're helping to end the problems caused by bad breeding. When there are no buyers for purebreds with problems, there'll be no sellers of them. No backyard breeders. No puppy mills. And that will make a big difference, not just to the future of purebred dogs, but also to rescue groups and shelters who'll eventually have to deal with so many unhealthy and unstable purebred dogs. Finally, it will spare a great many families the heartbreak of dealing with a sick dog.

If you must have a purebred puppy -- and no one says the dog you get has to be either purebred or a puppy, I hasten to note -- don't buy from anyone but a reputable breeder. Ask about health clearances. Ask about guarantees. Ask about socialization.

If you don't get the right answers, ask where to find the door out. You want to be dealing with someone else, let me assure you.

PETS ON THE WEB

The American Kennel Club's site (www.akc.org) is a good place to start finding out about how to buy a puppy. The AKC itself reminds people that getting a dog is a buyer-beware proposition, and that AKC papers alone are no guarantee of quality. Follow the links to the national club Web sites for the breed you're considering, as well. Delaware Valley Golden Retriever Rescue has an excellent checklist for evaluating a breeder on its Web site (www.dvgrr.org/puppy.html). After you read that checklist, go back to the home page and find out more about rescue: The right dog for you may be one who's looking for a second chance.

THE SCOOP

Although the beaks of parrots are constantly growing at a rate of 1 to 3 inches per year, depending on the species, a healthy pet does not need to have his beak trimmed. Your bird should keep his beak at the proper length through his normal chewing activities. Contrary to what some bird books still preach, don't accept "beak trims" as a routine health-care measure -- they're not. Overgrowth of the beak is frequently a sign of illness. If you have any concerns about your bird's beak, check in with a veterinarian who specializes in bird care.

Q: Our dog, Webster, has three tags attached to his collar -- name tag, license and vet insurance tag. They are all attached to one hook and then to his buckle collar ring. They are always falling off! We find them in the yard, or the neighbors return them from down the street (they fall off during walks, I guess). How can we keep these tags on securely? -- D.T., via e-mail

A: I've always found the "S" hooks that come with most tags to be completely useless. They're a pain to close properly, always seem to be working themselves open, and catch too easily on whatever a dog brushes up against. And once they're a little open, the tags are gone, as you've noticed.

Get to a hardware store and buy a stainless-steel, split key ring, the kind you have to pry apart to work the keys onto. My local store has a whole rack of them, in sizes ranging from 1/4 inch to 5 inches in diameter. I get the 3/8-inch or 1/2-inch size. These are sturdy and offer nothing to hang up your dog.

Tags are important, but I also believe in permanent identification for pets -- an inner-thigh tattoo, a microchip inserted in the loose skin over the shoulders, or both. Tags can fall off, and collars can slip off (or be removed, if your dog is stolen). But tattoos and microchips offer your pet protection that can't be tampered with. It's well worth considering. Most veterinarians offer microchips, or you can keep your eye out for a clinic. Tattoo clinics are often held in conjunction with dog shows or other canine competitions.

Q: We've adopted a young cat who has been hanging around our house begging for handouts. She's friendly and gets along with the cat we already have, but she has problems with earwax. We cleaned out her ears with cotton swabs, but it didn't help for long. What should we do? -- S.V., via e-mail

A: Take her to a veterinarian. She probably has ear mites -- tiny pests that feed on the lining of the ear canals. A veterinarian will be able to make a correct diagnosis of whatever the problem is and prescribe the appropriate treatment.

One thing to know about these pests: They're hard to eradicate. Be sure to follow medication directions precisely and to continue applications even if the problem appears to go away. If you don't, you'll be almost guaranteeing a reinfestation. Ear mites are very contagious, so be alert for signs of the pests in your other cat's ears as well.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

In the go-go world of two-income families, the popularity of cats is no surprise. These easygoing pets have a real advantage over dogs as a pet for busy households. They don't need as much in the way of training or exercise, and they're happy to spend lots of time alone. Cats also offer the same advantages as dogs when it comes to the nonjudgmental love, listening and acceptance that experts agree is so important for growing children.

Children and cats are natural together, but you need to lay some ground rules for the safety of both from the moment your new pet comes home. Kittens can be injured by the loving attention of children, especially young ones. And with more than 600,000 cat bites reported every year in the United States, you can clearly see that some cats give as good as they get.

The key to keeping children and cats together safely is to make sure that their interactions are supervised and to teach children how to handle and respect cats.

Let's start with the youngest. Under no circumstances should a cat (or any pet) be left unsupervised with an infant. That doesn't mean, however, that you should listen to the advice of well-meaning friends and relatives and find a new home for your feline baby.

Your cat will not "suck the life" out of your infant -- that's an old wive's tale, with no basis in fact. Still, keeping your cat away from your baby while you're not present is just good common sense. One veterinarian I know even went so far as to put a screen door on the room to the nursery and, honestly, this precaution isn't a bad idea. Her children are older now, and they all love their cats.

The children that cats could probably do without are those around the toddler age. Toddlers can really try a cat's patience, even though they aren't being anything but normal. Young children can't understand that roughly poking, squeezing and patting aren't appreciated. Although most cats figure out quickly that children this age are best avoided, your child could be bitten or scratched if your cat is cornered or startled. Keep an eye on all interactions, and consider putting a baby gate across the entry to a "safe room" for your cat so he can have a place to go where he isn't pestered.

From the time a child is in school, he or she can start learning to care for a pet and take an increasing amount of responsibility -- under supervision, of course. One way to teach younger school-aged children to play carefully is to play the "copycat game." If your child pets the cat gently, stroke his arm gently to show how nice it feels. Teach your children, too, how to hold a cat properly, with support under his chest and his legs not left dangling. A cat who feels secure and safe is far less likely to scratch or bite.

As children mature, they can take on increasing responsibility for a pet's care, such as keeping food and water bowls full and cleaning the litter box.

Do not let your child mistreat the family pet. Live animals are not stuffed animals, and your child needs to learn that living beings must be treated with respect. Remember that the ultimate responsibility for the well-being of a family pet rests with the parents, and that caring properly for a pet is one of the best opportunities you'll ever have for teaching some important lessons.

My favorite quote regarding this subject was sent to me by a reader who didn't know the author: "Teaching a child not to step on a caterpillar is just as important to the child as it is to the caterpillar."

What a great thought to keep in mind as we rush through our busy lives.

PETS ON THE WEB

The Virtual Dog Web site (www.virtualdog.com) is an amusing way to spend part of a wintry weekend afternoon. Although the site ran a bit slugglishly every time I tried it, it was still fun to play with. The site allows you to adopt a dog of several different breeds, and then take care of your virtual pet: buying supplies, feeding and watering, taking your dog to the veterinarian or the park. Cat lovers will one day have a chance to play, too. A Virtual Cat site is in development at www.virtualcat.com.

THE SCOOP

A couple of months ago a "Dateline" piece revealed that the hot new "lifelike" line of stuffed pets got the "real" look with real fur -- the pieces were made in China from the fur of slaughtered dogs and cats. Many pet lovers had already bought the items, and others were left wondering how to tell synthetic fur from the real stuff in the future.

In its latest edition, the always outstanding Animal People newspaper (www.animalpeoplenews.org) explains the way to tell real fur from fake fur. Although you wouldn't want to try this in a store, if you're curious about a stuffed animal you already own, you can snip off a tiny bit of fur and put a match to it. Synthetic fur smells like plastic when burned; real fur smells like burnt hair. The editors also add that household pets will act differently around stuffed toys made with cat or dog hair -- trying to groom pieces or marking them with urine. Animal People is available for $24 a year from P.O. Box 960, Clinton, WA 98236-0960; phone: (360) 579-2505.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: I am sorry for the loss of your little bird, Patrick. I too have numerous pets, birds included. Some are more special than others, but all their losses hurt. I've cried over the babies who only lasted an hour or two as well as the loss of some of my favorites.

Just remember that Patrick was special in his own way and brightened your life. Your next bird -- whether a parakeet, conure or amazon -- will do the same thing, but in a different way. No one can take away what you two shared, and no one should be making light of it.

My heart goes out to you. It'll get better with time. -- C.K., via e-mail

A: Thank you so much for writing. Yours was one of a couple of hundred e-mails and letters I received after I wrote about the loss of my little Senegal parrot, Patrick. I'll never stop missing him, although you're absolutely right that the pain lessens over time. With every pet I've said goodbye to, there has always been a point where remembering brought me happiness, not tears.

It'll be a while before I get there with Patrick, but I will. The cage is scrubbed out, the dishes and toys cleaned and sterilized (a dishwasher is truly a bird lover's best friend!). While I could never "replace" Patrick, his enduring legacy is that I can no longer imagine life without a bird. Sometime in the next few months, that cage will be full of life again. You can be sure I'll be writing about that happy day.

Q: Our dog has a problem with smelly stuff coming out of what our veterinarian says are his anal glands. What can we do about this? -- G.V., via e-mail

A: Many dog owners live in blissful ignorance of anal glands, two little sacs that produce a fluid that carries the unique scent by which dogs identify each other. Anal glands are why dogs sniff each other's rumps when they meet.

Disgusting as they may be to us, anal glands should not be ignored. If not "expressed" regularly, they can become impacted or infected.

The best way to prevent trouble is to empty the anal sacs every time you bathe your dog. The least repulsive way to handle this is to suds up the area well, including your hand, and then place your thumb and forefinger on the outside of each gland, just below the skin on either side of the anus -- you'll feel them as small lumps below the surface. Gently squeeze your fingers inward and together, and you should get a noxious mess for your efforts. Suds and rinse a couple of times, and it'll be gone.

If your dog cries out when you touch the glands or if the area is swollen, call your veterinarian. If you absolutely can't stand to empty your dog's anal glands, your vet or groomer will be happy to do it for you.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600