In the go-go world of two-income families, the popularity of cats is no surprise. These easygoing pets have a real advantage over dogs as a pet for busy households. They don't need as much in the way of training or exercise, and they're happy to spend lots of time alone. Cats also offer the same advantages as dogs when it comes to the nonjudgmental love, listening and acceptance that experts agree is so important for growing children.

Children and cats are natural together, but you need to lay some ground rules for the safety of both from the moment your new pet comes home. Kittens can be injured by the loving attention of children, especially young ones. And with more than 600,000 cat bites reported every year in the United States, you can clearly see that some cats give as good as they get.

The key to keeping children and cats together safely is to make sure that their interactions are supervised and to teach children how to handle and respect cats.

Let's start with the youngest. Under no circumstances should a cat (or any pet) be left unsupervised with an infant. That doesn't mean, however, that you should listen to the advice of well-meaning friends and relatives and find a new home for your feline baby.

Your cat will not "suck the life" out of your infant -- that's an old wive's tale, with no basis in fact. Still, keeping your cat away from your baby while you're not present is just good common sense. One veterinarian I know even went so far as to put a screen door on the room to the nursery and, honestly, this precaution isn't a bad idea. Her children are older now, and they all love their cats.

The children that cats could probably do without are those around the toddler age. Toddlers can really try a cat's patience, even though they aren't being anything but normal. Young children can't understand that roughly poking, squeezing and patting aren't appreciated. Although most cats figure out quickly that children this age are best avoided, your child could be bitten or scratched if your cat is cornered or startled. Keep an eye on all interactions, and consider putting a baby gate across the entry to a "safe room" for your cat so he can have a place to go where he isn't pestered.

From the time a child is in school, he or she can start learning to care for a pet and take an increasing amount of responsibility -- under supervision, of course. One way to teach younger school-aged children to play carefully is to play the "copycat game." If your child pets the cat gently, stroke his arm gently to show how nice it feels. Teach your children, too, how to hold a cat properly, with support under his chest and his legs not left dangling. A cat who feels secure and safe is far less likely to scratch or bite.

As children mature, they can take on increasing responsibility for a pet's care, such as keeping food and water bowls full and cleaning the litter box.

Do not let your child mistreat the family pet. Live animals are not stuffed animals, and your child needs to learn that living beings must be treated with respect. Remember that the ultimate responsibility for the well-being of a family pet rests with the parents, and that caring properly for a pet is one of the best opportunities you'll ever have for teaching some important lessons.

My favorite quote regarding this subject was sent to me by a reader who didn't know the author: "Teaching a child not to step on a caterpillar is just as important to the child as it is to the caterpillar."

What a great thought to keep in mind as we rush through our busy lives.

PETS ON THE WEB

The Virtual Dog Web site (www.virtualdog.com) is an amusing way to spend part of a wintry weekend afternoon. Although the site ran a bit slugglishly every time I tried it, it was still fun to play with. The site allows you to adopt a dog of several different breeds, and then take care of your virtual pet: buying supplies, feeding and watering, taking your dog to the veterinarian or the park. Cat lovers will one day have a chance to play, too. A Virtual Cat site is in development at www.virtualcat.com.

THE SCOOP

A couple of months ago a "Dateline" piece revealed that the hot new "lifelike" line of stuffed pets got the "real" look with real fur -- the pieces were made in China from the fur of slaughtered dogs and cats. Many pet lovers had already bought the items, and others were left wondering how to tell synthetic fur from the real stuff in the future.

In its latest edition, the always outstanding Animal People newspaper (www.animalpeoplenews.org) explains the way to tell real fur from fake fur. Although you wouldn't want to try this in a store, if you're curious about a stuffed animal you already own, you can snip off a tiny bit of fur and put a match to it. Synthetic fur smells like plastic when burned; real fur smells like burnt hair. The editors also add that household pets will act differently around stuffed toys made with cat or dog hair -- trying to groom pieces or marking them with urine. Animal People is available for $24 a year from P.O. Box 960, Clinton, WA 98236-0960; phone: (360) 579-2505.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: I am sorry for the loss of your little bird, Patrick. I too have numerous pets, birds included. Some are more special than others, but all their losses hurt. I've cried over the babies who only lasted an hour or two as well as the loss of some of my favorites.

Just remember that Patrick was special in his own way and brightened your life. Your next bird -- whether a parakeet, conure or amazon -- will do the same thing, but in a different way. No one can take away what you two shared, and no one should be making light of it.

My heart goes out to you. It'll get better with time. -- C.K., via e-mail

A: Thank you so much for writing. Yours was one of a couple of hundred e-mails and letters I received after I wrote about the loss of my little Senegal parrot, Patrick. I'll never stop missing him, although you're absolutely right that the pain lessens over time. With every pet I've said goodbye to, there has always been a point where remembering brought me happiness, not tears.

It'll be a while before I get there with Patrick, but I will. The cage is scrubbed out, the dishes and toys cleaned and sterilized (a dishwasher is truly a bird lover's best friend!). While I could never "replace" Patrick, his enduring legacy is that I can no longer imagine life without a bird. Sometime in the next few months, that cage will be full of life again. You can be sure I'll be writing about that happy day.

Q: Our dog has a problem with smelly stuff coming out of what our veterinarian says are his anal glands. What can we do about this? -- G.V., via e-mail

A: Many dog owners live in blissful ignorance of anal glands, two little sacs that produce a fluid that carries the unique scent by which dogs identify each other. Anal glands are why dogs sniff each other's rumps when they meet.

Disgusting as they may be to us, anal glands should not be ignored. If not "expressed" regularly, they can become impacted or infected.

The best way to prevent trouble is to empty the anal sacs every time you bathe your dog. The least repulsive way to handle this is to suds up the area well, including your hand, and then place your thumb and forefinger on the outside of each gland, just below the skin on either side of the anus -- you'll feel them as small lumps below the surface. Gently squeeze your fingers inward and together, and you should get a noxious mess for your efforts. Suds and rinse a couple of times, and it'll be gone.

If your dog cries out when you touch the glands or if the area is swollen, call your veterinarian. If you absolutely can't stand to empty your dog's anal glands, your vet or groomer will be happy to do it for you.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

When I first started writing about the importance of taking care of a pet's teeth, the response I most often heard was one of astonishment. "I'm supposed to brush my dog's teeth?" pet lovers would say. "You're kidding, right?"

These days, pet lovers respond not with surprise, but with guilt. "I know I should brush my pet's teeth, but I don't because my cat won't put up with it," they say. Or they don't have time, or they forget.

And so ignorance becomes guilt. Now that's progress! And the next step: good dental health from the very beginning.

Veterinarians now recommend training kittens and puppies to accept having their teeth brushed, a job that's not really that hard even with older dogs and cats. Approach the task with a positive attitude, take it slow and easy, and then follow with something the pet likes -- a play session or even a food treat.

For kittens and puppies, the focus is on training and prevention, but adult pets may need veterinary attention before a preventive-care program can help. Your veterinarian should check your pet's mouth, teeth and gums during the annual physical, and make recommendations based on what he or she finds there. For many pets, that'll mean a complete dentistry under anesthesia. The procedure takes 45 minutes to an hour, and involves not only cleaning and polishing the teeth, but also checking for and treating broken or rotting teeth, cavities, abscesses and periodontal disease.

Today's anesthetics are dramatically safer than even a few years ago, making the dangers and pain of untreated dental problems the bigger risk to health, even with older pets.

After the problems are treated, at-home care can keep things in good shape. Here are some tips:

-- Brush or wipe the teeth regularly. Use a toothpaste designed for dogs and cats a couple of times a week at least, although daily is better.

Salt or baking soda isn't recommended because too much of the salt gets swallowed, and with small pets that could be a problem. Toothpaste for people is likewise out, because animals don't know how to rinse and spit. Pet toothpastes contain enzymes that help dissolve plaque and don't need to be rinsed. They also have a flavor pets appreciate.

Use a children's soft toothbrush or one made especially for pets. You can also use plain gauze wrapped around a finger or a fingertip brush. Some vets suggest that gauze may work better with cats, especially if dipped in tuna or clam juice first.

-- Switch to dry food and offer teeth-cleaning toys. Some pet-food companies now offer kibble with a mild abrasive texture to help keep teeth clean. You might ask your vet about these if tartar buildup is a chronic problem for your pet.

Soft chew toys and a chew rope can help keep teeth clean, too. Avoid chews that are hard or are prone to breaking into sharp pieces. These can break teeth or slice gums.

My own perspective on good dental care comes from my oldest dog, Andy, who'll be 14 in June. Although I admit I've been sporadic with the brushing over the years, I've made sure Andy has had dental cleanings under anesthesia on an annual basic well into his senior years. Instead of the smelly painful mess of a mouth that so many older dogs have, Andy has a every tooth he was born with, all in fine shape. No doggy breath, no problems eating. He's a healthy, happy dog, despite his advanced age.

Andy is the first of my dogs to get the best of preventive health care from the day he was born, and it shows.

PETS ON THE WEB

The best pet dental site on the Web belongs to Florida veterinarian Dr. Jan Bellows. His All Pets Dental Web site (www.dentalvet.com) is astonishing in the breadth of information offered. Bellows offers detailed explanations and lots of pictures of every way that dog and cat teeth should fit together and all the ways they don't. And he's also got details of everything else that could possibly go wrong -- missing teeth, extra teeth, broken teeth, rotting teeth, and a whole lot of nasty things that can happen to gums, too. Here's a tip: Don't look at the periodontal section around mealtime (yuck!).

THE SCOOP

Predators always consider the possibility that something new in their environment may be edible. Prey animals have to figure the addition's something that could eat them. Is it any wonder that pets such as birds and rabbits, both of whom are considered a tasty mouthful by many creatures in the wild, may not react with enthusiasm to changes in the world around them? These pets may initially fear new toys, new cages or new foods. Even though your pet may be slow to warm up to new things, don't hesitate to introduce him to fresh experiences and variety. Just proceed slowly, and with an understanding of his take on change.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: We have a problem in our neighborhood with loose dogs, some of whom are unfriendly. My golden and I like to take a walk after dinner, and I worry about dealing with these dogs. My dog's very friendly, but I want to be ready if she gets attacked. I need to know what's the best way to break up a dogfight. -- G.L., via e-mail

A: Anyone who has ever walked a dog has experienced that terrifying moment when a vicious, unleashed dog seems intent on doing harm to your pet. It's a dangerous situation even for owners of big dogs; for small dogs, it could be a fatal encounter.

While the best strategy is to avoid dogs who appear aggressive -- with erect body stances instead of the relaxed, ears-back attitude of a dog coming over to play -- sometimes there's no escape from a dominant dog. If the other dog's owner is nearby, demand that he put his canine terrorist on leash. You might have to be very forceful about this: People with aggressive dogs often live in a world of denial, failing to recognize the signs of danger in their own pets.

Aggressive dogs start by sniffing, and you can short-circuit their behavior by blocking the places on your dog that are most inviting. Bring your dog into a close sitting position facing you, and whirl your leash to distract and frighten the other dog. An angry yell may also stall the other dog -- and attract the help you need.

If a fight starts, stay out of it. Tough advice, I know, but you could be badly hurt. If you're willing to risk a bite and there's another person to help, pull the dogs apart by their tails, not their collars! If there's a hose nearby, hitting the dogs in chops with a high-volume water spray will usually stop the action.

Be sure to check your dog over for injuries when you're safely clear of the scene, and don't forget to call your local animal-control department to get the aggressive animal picked up. If there's a dog in your neighborhood who's always out, enlist your neighbors' help in complaining to authorities. By getting the dog removed you could well save the life of a pet -- or even a child!

Q: We have an outdoor Persian who is just one big mat. Any tips on getting his coat back in shape? -- A.R., via the Internet

A: Your letter contains two words that really don't belong next to each other: "outdoor" and "Persian." While long hair may have originally developed in cats as a protection against the elements, the silky coat of the modern Persian itself needs protection. These lush coats are a mat waiting to happen.

It's cruel to comb out a full-body mat, and I doubt your cat will put up with any of your attempts to do so. When coat problems get out of hand, the kindest thing to do is have the fur cut short -- and resolve to take good care of it as it grows back in. A professional groomer with cat experience is the best choice.

You can fix a single mat by working cornstarch into it and then slicing through it lengthwise once or twice with scissors. You should then be able to pick apart the mat gently and avoid the hideous appearance caused by hacking out the entire mess at the base.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

We've come a long way as a society when it comes to recognizing the bond between us and our animal companions. And so, too, in recognizing the grief that accompanies the loss of a pet.

Pet-loss hot lines and support groups are numerous, and it's rare that anyone losing a dog or cat will be told by anyone that it was "just a dog" or "just a cat" and to get over it, already. Some people might still think that way, of course, but a lot more of them know enough to keep their opinions to themselves.

Unless you've lost a pet that isn't seen as quite so "important" by many people - a bird, say, or a rabbit, or an iguana.

I found this out firsthand when my little Senegal parrot, Patrick, died suddenly. Perhaps because I've been writing about pets for so long -- and they are such an important part of my life -- it never occurred to me to belittle anyone's grief over the loss of a pet, even one I might not choose for myself. Sadly, that's not the case with everyone.

Patrick was a joy to me, an affectionate and entertaining companion who kept me company as I wrote by day and watched TV or read with me by night. (OK, so I read; he chewed the pages.) The dogs spend their days on the beds behind my desk, and Patrick spent his on top of the lateral file cabinet at my side, playing quietly, eating nosily and always ready for a head scritch or cuddle.

He came to me with a full load of health problems, self-mutilation most obvious among them. I was his fourth or fifth owner in only three years of life, and he was lucky to have made it even that far. His last owner, frustrated with his health problems and his appearance, had taken him to be put down, but my friend Carla, the veterinarian faced with the task, chose instead to find him a home -- mine.

Patrick made remarkable progress, and after a year looked more like a parrot than a plucked chicken. I never cared about his looks. I saw in him what Carla did when she first met him -- a charming little guy with lots of love to give. He taught me so much, and he made me a true believer: Because of him, I'll never be long without a parrot again.

After he was gone, I realized that even though my friends and family were supportive, some other people I mentioned the loss to thought I was a kook for being upset. I heard plenty of the things I thought people knew better than to say, such as: "Just get another. What's the big deal?" and "Was he valuable?" A couple of people even started into the old Monty Python "Dead Parrot" skit.

Yes, it's funny, but tell me another time, please. And yes, he was "valuable" to me.

I've been writing about pets for nearly two decades, and I've seen so many small cruelties that these thoughtless comments were little more than annoying blips on my radar screen. I considered each slight a chance to educate, gently but firmly. I doubt that anyone who teased me about the loss of my parrot will be doing the same to anyone else.

A bit of kindness and understanding is all that's required, really. And thinking that perhaps there's more of it in the world because of Patrick's death makes looking at his empty cage almost bearable.

PETS ON THE WEB

If the only chicken you ever see is the neatly packaged remains of one in your grocer's meat case, you may be astonished to know that chickens and other poultry can be entertaining and affectionate pets for people who live where they can keep them. And some of these birds are quite beautiful, besides. Oklahoma State University has pulled together information on dozens of domestic birds on its Poultry Breeds Web site (http://www.ansi.okstate.edu/poultry), featuring not only chickens, but also turkeys, geese and ducks. While the focus is on the usefulness of the birds in providing food (one way or the other), the site does mention which birds are mostly "ornamental" -- i.e., kept as pets.

THE SCOOP

Your dog shouldn't be given unsupervised access to tennis balls, no matter how much he likes them. Tennis balls aren't designed to stand up to chewing, and the pieces can easily be swallowed. Even worse, some dogs have managed to compress the balls and then get them lodged in the back of their mouth, a dangerous situation indeed! Hard rubber balls or Kong toys are better for chewing.

For fetch, though, tennis balls are fine. A couple of manufacturers have developed devices to help you avoid picking up a drool-covered tennis ball. These flingers take their inspiration from the game of jai alai and can even help you throw farther. Look for them in pet-supply stores, catalogs and Web sites.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: When my boyfriend and I broke up, he took our Moluccan cockatoo with him. I wasn't very happy about that, but it was his bird before we got together so there wasn't much I could do. I want a bird of my own. But we had a problem with the neighbors (we live in an apartment) because of the noise that Peaches made. Any suggestions for a quieter parrot? -- S.D., via e-mail

A: Parrots are most vocal at dawn and dusk, a pattern of behavior that goes back to the wild, when flock members would reconnect with each other first thing in the morning and last thing before dark. It's a social behavior your bird still needs today, even if the only flock he's reaching out to is you.

While occasional vocalization -- OK, screaming -- is natural, some species are a lot noisier than others and are probably not well-suited to life in an apartment. Primary among these is the sun conure, a drop-dead gorgeous bird with a real clown streak. But, oh, what a loudmouth! I once visited a bird trainer who had a dozens of the most beautiful birds in his care (macaws, cockatoos, eclectus and more). His sun conures made up a small percentage of the total population but a majority of the noise.

That said, so many parrots are loud that it's actually easier to steer you to the quiet ones than to list the noisy ones. While conures of the aratinga genus (such as the sun and jenday) are pretty loud, those in the pyrrhura genus (such as the maroon-bellied, green-cheeked and black-capped) are generally smaller, mellower and quieter. The pionus parrot is another easygoing bird, as is the Senegal.

Finally, don't overlook budgies and cockatiels. These smaller charmers are popular for a reason. They're great pets, at a reasonable price.

Improper training can turn a well-mannered bird into a spoiled screamer, and that's especially true with the umbrella and Moluccan cockatoos, who absolutely hate being apart from their people. Before you buy any bird, be sure to read up on species and on bird behavior. There are many great books, videos, magazines and Web sites to choose from. A good place to start is "The Pet Bird Report" magazine. You can find copies in many reputable bird shops, or call (510) 523-5303 to buy a sample issue. Subscriptions are $24 for six issues by bulk mail, $34 for first class. The PBR comes out six times a year, and some of its content is available on the Web at www.petbirdreport.com.

Q: Please settle an argument for me. My husband is always giving our cat treats, and I tell him it's a bad idea. Who's right? He does the grocery shopping, and those little Pounce treats always seem to end up coming home with him. -- F.C., via e-mail

A: Giving your pet a little something special now and then isn't going to do any great harm. I say that with the following caveats in mind:

-- Keep treats to a minimum. Obviously this is good advice for anyone with an overweight cat. But even if your cat is svelte, you don't want to throw off a balanced diet with too many treats.

-- Stick to what's safe. Food that's heavily spiced or too high in fat can upset your cat's digestion, leading to diarrhea or vomiting. Onions can also lead to severe blood problems in cats and should be avoided in all forms.

-- Realize that you reap what you sow. If you're in the habit of giving your cat tidbits from your plate, you can't complain that your cat's a pest about begging.

We humans tend to confuse food with love, and we extend this idea to our interactions with our animal companions. Remember always that your cat doesn't really need treats. Some better options for interaction include petting, grooming and playing with your cat.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600