Why do so many of us end up with ill-behaved dogs? The mechanics of dog training aren't difficult, after all, and it's not as if there aren't a million books, videotapes, seminars and training classes available. And yet most people end up with a dog who's "sort of" trained -- not very trained at all, in other words.

So what's the problem? I've always felt it was a matter of attitude. How you approach dog training has a great deal to do with how much you're going to accomplish. View it not as horrid chore, but as an opportunity to strengthen the bond between you and your dog. You'll have a better chance at succeeding, and you'll both have a much better time.

Don't think of training as a "you vs. your dog" endeavor. Training is about teaching, showing your dog the things he needs to learn to be a member of human society. You need to approach the task with love and respect for your dog, both of which he will return in kind.

Training isn't about six Thursday nights at a group class in the park and you're done, forever. Learning and practice need to become part of your dog's life, and that means your dog needs to be part of your life. So bring him in! Let him sleep in your bedroom and practice his "sits" in the kitchen. The more opportunities for interaction and practice you have, the faster your dog will learn and the more reliably he will respond.

You need to be positive in your training. Who likes a boss who's always ready to pounce on every misdeed? You don't, and neither does your dog. Positive reinforcement is essential to your dog's learning process. If all you ever do is tell your dog "no," your relationship isn't going to be a very good one.

Praise is cheap -- free, in fact! -- so use it a lot. Use praise when your dog's trying to get it right. Use it more when your dog's succeeding. Use it when your dog's just paying attention to you, because it's all connected. Reward the small stuff and bigger things will follow. Be a fun person to be around, and your dog will love you for it.

And what about punishment? Here, too, people make some serious mistakes. Your dog needs -- craves -- structure in his life, and you need to provide it. But you also need to know how to respond when his pushes the limits, which he will. A correction should never be a release of anger, a clearing out of pent-up feelings by unloading them on the apparent cause of the problem, your dog. Instead, a correction is another way to communicate with your dog, to foster in him a clear understanding of his place in your human pack. As such, a proper correction is another way to strengthen the bond between you and your pet. "Punishment" could be as simple as the withholding of praise or using a distraction to stop the offending behavior and redirect your dog. Yelling at or hitting your pet isn't communication. It's abuse.

Are you being fair in what you ask of your dog? How would you feel about a boss who kept changing the names of your tasks or asked you to do two things at once? Or had different rules for different places and times? It would drive you nuts, wouldn't it? And yet, that's exactly what people do to their dogs all of the time. Once your dog knows a command, use it the same way each time and never change its meaning. Be clear and be consistent.

What do I mean by consistent? One example I hear all the time is when someone says "sit down" to a dog when he really means "sit." Now, you know that when someone says "sit down" to you, it's the same thing as "sit." But if you teach your dog "sit" as one behavior and "down" as another, you can understand why "sit down" is confusing. Which do you want? Sit? Or down? Same for saying "down" when you really mean "off." I was visiting someone once when her cocker spaniel jumped on the couch beside me. "Down!" commanded her owner, and the dog laid down beside me, wagging her tail proudly. "She's so willful," said the woman, who didn't realize the dog had in fact obeyed her perfectly.

Keep training, and don't be shy about getting help over the rough patches by finding a good trainer or behaviorist. Dog training succeeds by degrees and by creativity. You expand the length of time and the number of situations in which your dog will execute a command, and you look for new ways to use what he knows so you can continue to develop and strengthen the bond between you.

So build, a little bit at a time, celebrating every step along the way. Living is learning, and learning is good.

PETS ON THE WEB

Electronic postcards are great fun to send and receive, and more sites with them pop up every day. They're easy to use. Just go to the Web site, pick your card, then type in your message and the e-mail address of the recipient. The site will issue an e-mail that invites the recipient to pick up the card, and it's free. My current favorite e-card site is Action Cat (www.actioncat.com). The collection includes animated e-cards of cats (and a few dogs) using the computer, watching the stars, or, my favorite, unrolling tissue paper in the bathroom. The cards just make you smile, so share one!

THE SCOOP

Birds have a reputation as easy-to-care-for pets. And even though that might be true of small aviary birds such as finches, it's not true of those birds who need human interaction -- the parrots, from the tiniest budgie on up. Although these charmers are quite capable of entertaining themselves while you're off earning the bird food, they cannot abandoned for days at a time. How would you like to be left with food growing more stale by the minute, water forming a skin (or worse, if your bird poops in the water dish), and a toilet you cannot flush? Alone overnight is probably fine. But anything more than that, you should arrange for boarding or call a pet-sitter. Make sure your choice is someone who's comfortable with birds. Avian veterinarians and reputable bird shops are good choices for boarding; they're used to birds, after all. A pet-sitter who deals only in dogs and cats may find a large parrot intimidating, so be sure to ask how the sitter is with birds, and have her over for an introduction before you decide.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: My male English mastiff has a skin problem. The vet told me that it is allergies. His skin gets these huge black spots that are reddish and scabby. His hair is falling out. He also scratches himself. I asked if change in diet would help, and the vet said "no." I am desperate for an answer. Are there veterinarians out there who specialize in skin problems? -- I.D., via e-mail

A: Yes, there are veterinary specialists who deal with skin problems. If your veterinarian hasn't been able to come up with something to help your dog, it may be time to get a dermatologist involved.

Dermatology specialists are veterinarians who undergo additional training and rigorous testing before they are certified by the American College of Veterinary Dermatology. Fewer than 100 veterinarians are certified in this specialty in the United States, Canada and Australia, so it might take some doing to find one. Your best bet, if your veterinarian cannot provide a referral, is to check with your closest school of veterinary medicine.

Another option is to have your veterinarian consult with the specialist on your behalf. Consulting has been done routinely by phone for years, and more recently online through vets-only services such as the Veterinary Information Network, which has specialists on staff for consultation by member veterinarians.

Discuss your concerns with your veterinarian, and push her to go further in getting help for your dog, whether through consultations or a referral to a specialist.

Q: Jack, the cat, has received wet cat food as well as dry for a year since he adopted me from the pound. I have been short on cash for these last two months, so I have just been giving him dry food. Jack, the cat, is eating regularly but is protesting -- I can see it in his eyes. He is also is taking up eating human food, which is new for him. I do not want this to continue. Is wet food the only option? -- C.T., via e-mail

A: How about a compromise? Offer dry food as his main ration, keeping it available constantly, and offer a small amount of canned every morning (or evening, if you prefer). A tablespoon or two will do, as a special treat.

Store unused canned food in the refrigerator, covered or wrapped, but bring it to room temperature before offering -- a quick zap in the microwave will do the trick. Warming food makes it smell better to your cat and decreases any tendency toward finickiness.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies," "Cats for Dummies" and "Birds for Dummies." She is also affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to writetogina(at)spadafori.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

The best advice I can give to a reluctant parent feeling the pressure of a child begging for a pet is this: Just say "no."

Why the hard line? Because I don't want to get a letter from your child when you decide you've made a mistake. The ones I get now are breaking my heart.

We don't like to say no to our children. Some might argue that ours is an era of indulgence, with consequences that are just beginning to show, but that's for a writer with expertise in children to say. Mine is in pets, and every day I hear from children who are already paying the price for overindulgent parents: Another family's poorly chosen, poorly trained and mostly ignored pet is heading for the shelter -- and a child is heartbroken.

Maybe the parents decide the inconvenience isn't worth it. Maybe they escalated a tug-of-war into threats they must now make good: "If you don't clean the litter box (walk the dog, feed the guinea pig, etc.), your pet is leaving!" In any case, this is the stage when I get the e-mail, typically titled "HELP!" with enough exclamation points to fill out the rest of the subject line. The e-mail is usually something like this: "Gina, please, please, please! Tell me how to get our dog to stop jumping up, or my mom is getting rid of him!! You gotta help me!!!"

By the time I hear about it, it's usually too late.

Although parents fixate on the idea of responsibility, that may well be the least of life's lessons a pet can help a child to learn. Pets offer unconditional love, and they're always there to listen. They teach compassion and gentleness, and the importance of caring for something weaker than yourself. Even in death, a pet can teach a child by laying the groundwork for handling the losses we all have to live with. But they cannot teach these lessons without the help of a parent. And that help starts long before a pet comes into the home.

If you're contemplating adding a pet to your household, let some time pass before the trip to the adoption center. Pets should never be an impulse purchase! You need to make sure your child's interest isn't a passing thing. If your child starts soccer and doesn't like it, the equipment she needed can sit in a closet without any attention at all. A pet isn't like that. It's a living, feeling being that cannot be shoved aside in favor of the next interest. Let your child "try on" pets. Take in the classroom hamster for the weekend, or baby-sit a neighbor's dog. Talk with your child and make sure he understands a pet isn't the same as a video game or other "object."

Once you think your child might be ready for a pet, be clear on what you can and can't handle. A dog seems to be the Holy Grail of children's pets, but a lot of families are just too busy to handle the time and effort involved in raising and keeping one. Put aside your emotion and ignore the begging. Figure out which animal is the best fit for your household, even if it's not the pet of your child's dreams. Instead of a large-breed puppy, consider a smaller adult dog, perhaps. Cats are a better choice for many households, as are rabbits, rats or guinea pigs, or small birds such as cockatiels.

Consider honestly the pet's care requirements. And realize that although your child can help with pet upkeep, the final responsibility falls on your shoulders. Don't threaten your child with the loss of the pet -- it's inhumane! Give children the chores they can handle, and follow up to see that they're done.

Above all, set a good example. If your pet has a problem, get help and work on it. You're doing considerable damage when you "throw away" a problem pet, teaching your child that a living thing can be treated like yesterday's newspaper. Think about the messages your action convey.

Pets are wonderful for children, but only if parents do their part. Don't say yes to a pet until you're sure you can handle it.

PETS ON THE WEB

Cockatiels are one of the most popular pet birds around, with good reason. They're not terribly expensive to acquire or maintain, they're small and easy to handle, and they offer as much in the way of companionship as larger parrots do. If you've lost your heart to one of these feathered charmers, you'll want to visit the Web site of the North American Cockatiel Society (www.cocktiel.org). Pet birds rule on this site, with information on care and behavior, lots of 'tiel pictures, and a handful of recipes for bird treats.

THE SCOOP

Maryland is the latest state to allow pet-themed license plates, with sales supporting spay-neuter efforts. The idea of using license plates to pay for worthy programs isn't new. In California, for example, car owners can pony up for plates that support the arts or coastal preservation. But the pace of states adopting spay-neuter plates has been disappointingly low. The first state to do so was New Jersey in 1993. According to the Humane Society, only eight other states have followed: Alabama, Arizona, Virginia, New York, Connecticut, Texas, Tennessee and Maryland.

What's the holdup? This seems like a no-brainer! I'm sure there are millions of animal lovers who'd happily support spay-neuter efforts with a license plate that also tells the world about their love for animals.

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: In your recent column on choosing a kitten, you suggested avoiding overly shy or aggressive animals. I want to know who you think will adopt the poor unloved little creatures that may hiss or shrink away because they have been mistreated or have not been given any attention. Sometimes those very same kittens turn out to be the best pets, if the owner is willing to work with them and give them time and lots of love. They are the certainly the ones who are most in need of a good home. Shame on you, Gina, for being prejudiced against them. -- F.L., via e-mail

A: It's not pretty, but the fact is that in every community more kittens will be born than can possibly find homes. This sad situation will remain until those people who still believe it's OK to let their pets breed finally get the spay-neuter message. For now, though, we are forced to "play God" with the kitten surplus, deciding who will live and who will die.

I agree with you that some of these unsocialized kittens will come around with loving care, but many won't. And although some people may have the dedication needed to turn these youngsters around, the majority do not have the time, patience or interest in doing so. These people will never bond with their cats, and that puts the animals at risk of being dumped at the first sign of trouble.

Considering that there aren't enough homes for all the kittens born, would you rather condemn those kittens who have the best chance to make it as pets? Are they less deserving? Don't blame me for being honest about the situation, and don't blame the shelter workers who make these life-and-death decisions every day. The problem is the folks who allow the "oops" litter, or who allow a litter so their kids can see the "miracle of life," or who turn out their cats because they don't want a pet anymore.

Shy or aggressive kittens are a special challenge, and I admire those people who go the extra mile on their behalf. But the truth remains that for most people, friendly, well-socialized kittens make better pets. And there are plenty to choose from in any shelter.

We must all work together to reduce the number of kittens who will die for the lack of a home. Spaying and neutering is available at a reduced cost in nearly every community. Call your local shelter for information or for ideas on how to help.

Q: Our dog, Daisy, runs and barks at people walking by. When we tell her to come, she ignores us. She seems to scare people, and I don't know what to do. She stays on our property, except when people walk by. Help! -- L.B., via e-mail

A: What you have is a disaster in the making. Even if your dog never bites someone, she could frighten a passer-by into tripping or falling. Someone's likely to get hurt.

First, put Daisy on a leash when she's out with you. A dog who stays on the property unless someone walks by is a dog who's not staying on the property, period. She needs to be kept under control, and since she hasn't been trained to come when called, that means a leash. Second, ask your veterinarian for a referral to a behaviorist or trainer who can help you both with her territorial displays and with her obedience.

Don't take any chances with this. You could end up with a lawsuit, or worse.

Q: Our dog has bad breath. What can we do? -- G.N., via e-mail

A: Have your veterinarian check out your pet's teeth and gums. Rotting teeth and gums can become a powerful source of "doggy breath" that some pet owners treat with products that may temporarily fix the smell but do nothing about the real problem.

Plaque buildup on the teeth of both dogs and cats can causes gums to recede, opening pockets at the root line that are the perfect setting for bacterial infections. Left unchecked, these infections do more than cause bad breath. They can lead to tooth loss, make eating painful, and put a pet's immune system and internal organs under pressure, causing illness and premature aging.

Depending on the severity of the problem, your veterinarian may recommend having your pet's teeth cleaned under anesthesia, along with having any broken or rotting teeth removed. Your pet will likely go home with an antibiotic, and you'll be encouraged to keep the teeth in good shape with brushing, special diets, dental chew toys or a combination of them all.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies" and "Cats for Dummies," and is affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to WriteToGina(at)YourPetPlace.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

Call it the curse of the good samaritan. But any animal lover who picks up an occasional stray -- which would be all animal lovers, of course -- knows that sure as dogs have four legs, any stray you find isn't going to be wearing an ID tag or license.

Sure it's easy to find the owner of a pet with current ID. You call the phone number. But what do you do if you have no idea where a pet calls home? You can check for an identifying tattoo, or get the pet scanned for a microchip by your veterinarian or local shelter. But these methods of ID are still fairly rare, so you might find yourself back where you started. One pet, lost.

Liz Blackman, self-described top dog at 1-800-HELP4PETS, has been dealing with lost and found pets for years, as an animal lover and as the owner of a business dedicated to helping pets get home safely. She has a soft spot for strays (she shares her life with three of them), and says that many people don't do even the most obvious things to find the owner of a lost pet they've found.

The most important, says Blackman, is to take the stray pet to the shelter.

"This is the hardest pill for a pet lover to swallow," she says. "But you have to think of the person who's looking for the pet. The owner has the best chance of finding their pet in a centralized site, and that's the shelter.

"You have to ask yourself what would you want somebody to do with your pet," she says. "It's better for a stray to be in a shelter than in someone's back yard. How can you find your pet in someone's back yard? If you lose a pet, you're going to look in the shelter."

Most shelters will allow a finder to place a hold on a pet, says Blackman. That way if time runs out for the animal, you can claim him yourself. You can then keep the animal, find a new home for him, or continue to look for the owner.

Sometimes the extra time is what the owner needs to make the connection.

Blackman says that people sometimes get the wrong idea from the start with a stray and assume that since the pet looks scruffy, it was abused or neglected by his owner. Because of a stray's appearance, some people won't even look for the owner. She points out that it doesn't take much time on the street for a pet to lose weight and get dirty.

"We had a client who asked our help in finding a new home for a dog she'd found," she says. "She didn't want to find the owner because the dog was in such bad shape she was sure the owners neglected the dog.

"We found the owners, and it turned out they were anything but abusive. The dog looked bad because she had recently undergone thousands of dollars in cancer treatment!"

If you've taken the animal to a shelter, that doesn't mean you have to stop trying to find the pet's owner. Place fliers where you found the pet, as well as in areas where animal lovers turn up -- pet stores, veterinary offices and dog parks. Don't forget to put fliers in area shelters other than the one to which you took the pet. Pets can travel a long distance, and the shelter nearest your house may not be closest to the one near the pet's home. Place "found" ads in the local newspapers, as well.

Blackman says it's important to leave out all but the most general details in the pet's description, and make the owners fill in the blanks when they call. That's because people who collect dogs for sale to laboratories or for use in dog-fighting have been known to claim lost pets as their own.

No one has any figures on how many lost pets are reunited with their owners, but the odds of a reunion increase dramatically if both the person who lost the pet and the one who found the animal are doing their best to set the situation straight.

PETS ON THE WEB

Don't be put off by that scaly tail and beady eyes -- rats are great pets! A enjoyable place to learn more about these smart and affectionate pets is the Web site Squeak: The Online Magazine of Rats and Their Humans (www.chirpy.com/squeak). The site contains care information, lots of pictures and stories, information on clubs, a reader survey with some peculiar percentages and links to the most rat-friendly places on the Net.

THE SCOOP

The cooler weather makes fall a great time to get out with your dog and go for a walk. Walking is good for your dog: It gets him out of the house and into the exciting world of new sounds, sights and smells, and it gets his heart pumping a little faster. It's good for you, too, because studies show that human interactions are increased when you walk a dog; you'll meet more neighbors than if you were by yourself. And it's good for you both, in that any shared activity strengthens the bond between you. What's not to love about walking the dog? Put on your shoes, find that leash and get going. But don't forget a few baggies so you can pick up after your dog. You want those interactions with your neighbors to be friendly, right?

QUESTIONS FROM THE PACK

Q: I am terribly upset because I love animals (especially cats), but my brother is allergic to them. I had heard about hypoallergenic cats, but when I went to a Web site to find some, the cats had really long necks and big heads. I want to know if you knew the names of some cats that look cuddly but are also hypoallergenic. -- S.C., via e-mail

A: I hate to disappoint you, but hypoallergenic cats do not exist. The curly-coated Devon Rex and Cornish Rex are often touted as being good for allergy sufferers, but it's not true. The idea probably comes from the fact that these light-coated (and kind of funny-looking) breeds shed little. But fur isn't what causes allergy problems. The allergic trigger is found in the saliva and glands of cats, and the problem is spread all over the cat and the house through normal grooming and rubbing. Even a good shake can put allergens in the air!

Although people with severe allergies probably will never be able to tolerate life with a cat, if you're not as severely affected, you might be able to manage it with a few adjustments.

The first step would be to get serious about allergies. Work with an allergist, even if she rolls her eyes because you won't give up your pet. Try to limit your exposure to other allergens, such as smoke and strong perfumes. Use a mask when mowing the lawn. Getting a handle on everything else that's bugging you may give you "breathing room" enough for a cat. Make your bedroom a totally "cat-free" zone. Sure, it's hard to give up the warmth of a cat on the bed, but if you let allergies disrupt your sleep you'll be miserable.

A final tip is one neither you nor your cat will want put in practice: a weekly rinse. Strange as it may seem, rinsing your cat weekly in plain water has been shown to help, too. It keeps the level of allergens down. No soap is necessary.

Q: I agree with what you say about choker collars. The problem is that I took my boxer, Sadie, to the vet the other day and discussed her "sensitive skin" problem. I have tried both a leather and cloth collar with her, and she still continues to get a pretty bad irritation on her neck from the metal on the collar.

The vet said that it was because of moisture retention in the collars (we live in South Florida). He recommends a choker collar because it will not retain moisture. I really don't feel comfortable with this change because of the dangers involved. What do you recommend? -- C.P., via the Internet

A: I would rather see no collar on your dog than to have you use a chain collar for everyday wear. It's just too dangerous.

If your dog was wearing a wide leather collar, try a rolled collar and go for a loose fit. Rolled leather collars are smooth and slender, and that might do the trick.

In the end, you may find that nothing will work, and that your dog will wear a collar only when out of the house. If that's the case, make sure your pet is microchipped, tattooed, or both, for more protection in case she gets lost.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of "Dogs for Dummies" and "Cats for Dummies," and is affiliated with the Veterinary Information Network Inc., an international online service for veterinary professionals. Write to her in care of this newspaper, or send e-mail to WriteToGina(at)YourPetPlace.com.

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600