Dear Ilana and Jess: Like many people, I’m now working from home with my two kids. They’re 8 and 10. How can we maintain our sanity while social distancing? - Jacobia

Dear Jacobia: First, we hope you and your family are staying well! These are very uncertain times.

First, do your best to maintain any aspects of your regular routine that you can. This includes, but is not limited to: sleep/wake up times, morning and breakfast routines, homework routines, etc. Even if you have no plans to leave, put on at least one article of clothing you might wear outside the house – a sweater, weekend jeans, etc. to give yourself a sense of normalcy.

Humans are social creatures; we were made for interaction. Fortunately, you can still accomplish this while also heeding expert recommendations related to social distancing. Platforms like Zoom, Skype, and FaceTime offer group video calls. Your kids can chat with their friends and you can do the same. Set up virtual playdates or hang outs as you normally would; this will help ensure that plans don’t fall through.

Allocate a designated work station. It can be hard to lose the structure of an office or any on-site format. Creating a designated work station in your home will help delineate the personal and professional and make it easier for you to compartmentalize during this difficult time. If you don’t have the room for a home office, designate a desk or dresser as your work station. It may be worthwhile to move around some furniture to solidify the separation.

Give family time some structure. Sharing organized, joint activities will help keep the day moving. Consider starting a family book club, where each family member chooses a book of the week. Schedule time to sit together to discuss your thoughts, theories, and emotional responses to the story. Not only is this great escapism, it’s an enriching social activity (great even when we’re not social distancing)!

Stay healthy!

Say This: “Everyone, we’re going to be starting a family book club! We’re going to pick a different book each week to read together. Let me know your ideas for this week and we’ll set aside a time to talk about it as a family.”

Not That: “I don’t know what we’re going to do until this is over, either!”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

Dear Ilana and Jess: My kids have a lot of questions about the coronavirus and I don’t know how to go about this. Any words of wisdom? - Mindy

     Remember that communication does not begin and end with words. When talking about the coronavirus, use a neutral, even tone: it is comforting in the midst of seeming chaos. It also teaches your children that there is a way to express their worry without being overcome by it. 

Dear Mindy: We, the authors, support individuals and families through all of life’s vicissitudes. From the daily common occurrence to crises, we see our clients through each trial and triumph life brings. Below are several guidelines you can adopt to communicate with your children about tough topics, including the coronavirus. 

 Answer all questions, but don’t speculate. Stick to the facts and give your kids age-appropriate information. If your kids ask about virus symptoms or its status, refer to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or another reputable source for information. Omit details that are unnecessary to convey; for example, specific death rates. Be sure to remind your kids of what’s being done to address the issue as well. For example, “health officials are working hard to stop the virus from spreading.”

Acknowledge their feelings. Let your children know that you understand and that it’s okay to feel concerned, but don’t leave it at that. Assure them that they have your support. For example, “I know this can be confusing and concerning. But, we are doing everything we can to keep our family safe and have every reason to believe that things are okay. I’m here for you.”

Say This: “I know this can be very confusing. But, we are doing everything we can to keep our family safe and have every reason to believe that things are okay. I’m here for you.”

Not That: “We don’t really know what’s going on or how this is going to end.”

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: My daughter, Larissa, wants a super sweet 16 and expectations are high. There’re limits to what my husband and I can afford, but we don’t want to disappoint our daughter. How do we make this work?

Dear Pam: As your daughter reaches the peak of her teen years, it’s more important than ever to prepare her for adulthood. Teaching values – including fiscal responsibility – is a part of that. Now is not the time to mask reality to meet unrealistic expectations. Gratitude is much more valuable than a memorable birthday party.

First, tell Larissa truthfully what you can and cannot afford. Boundaries are healthy and, in this case, (as in many) necessary. If you imply or behave as though Larissa is owed an over-the-top party, she will internalize this message. This is something you don’t want to teach. Once you set the limits, stick to them. If you acquiesce, you’ll breed entitlement.

Second, have Larissa contribute to the party fund. It’s important that she understands the value of a dollar and the process of earning what she wants. If Larissa is responsible for contributing to the party payments, she’ll better appreciate what she gets. At the same time, she’ll learn that she’s responsible for putting in the work.

Say This: “We want you to have a wonderful party, but we need to be realistic. We are willing to contribute ____ dollars. This should cover ______. Anything else you’d like to have, you’ll need to pay for.”

Not That: “Whatever you want, we’ll make it happen!”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION