Dear Ilana and Jess: This is my final semester of college ever (kudos to me) but I’m really struggling with the final push. My classmates are also having a hard time bouncing back after Thanksgiving. How do we get to the end of the semester without throwing in the towel? – Jacobi

Dear Jacobi: Kudos to you, indeed! First, a hearty congratulations on your wonderful success! The last few weeks of the fall semester are notoriously difficult. But watching the way you think and speak about the final push will help make it as painless as possible.

Cut back on commiseration. We all need to vent sometimes, and often, it’s helpful. But it’s a slippery slope to whining. It’s one thing to express your frustration and another to throw a pity party. To keep things contained, imagine metaphorical parentheses around your complaints. Tell yourself (or a friend) that you’re going to rant for a second, then you’re going to move on. This will allow you to get your agitation off your chest without becoming consumed by it.

Work in increments. Now is the time to give yourself a lot of breaks. Motivation and attention are at an all-time low and chances are you need a lot of slack. However, keep in mind that you can only give yourself some leeway if you budget your time effectively. Break out your planner and write out all your upcoming tasks. Seeing them visually helps you to create space and best account for your time. Allocate at least 15 minutes more than you think you need for any given assignment.

Work with a friend. Having a study party (or study hangout) can help keep you accountable while making the work more tolerable. Make sure to choose your friend wisely and agree in advance that you’re going to be working together – or at least parallel to one another. Partner with someone who’s equally as devoted to their studies as you; not the friend you call when you want a pleasant distraction. Set concrete goals before you sit down so you can keep each other accountable.

Say This: “Okay, I’m going to vent for a minute, then I’m going to move on and start scheduling this work.”

Not That: “This is miserable. I’m so over it!”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: Well, it’s time for Christmas shopping. My kids, both eleven, want to help shop for family members this year. The process is disorganized as it is. How can my husband and I make it better while incorporating the kids? — Louise

Dear Louise: There are lots of ways to organize Christmas shopping; the key is finding a setup that works best for you. Assigning each family member another to shop for can be a simple (and familiar) way to streamline the process. It will also allow you to cut costs. Another simple way to organize shopping is to have each family member write down their wish list. Set a budget and have everyone add gifts that are within range.

Now is the perfect time to teach your kids how to save their money. To make shopping more doable for them, you might ask that they each buy a gift for one parent, or pool their allowance together for a gift that can be enjoyed by the family. If the kids don’t have an allowance, you might have them do some chores around the house to earn their Christmas funds. It’s a great way to empower the kids to work toward an end goal and make their own contribution. If they want to participate in the shopping, let them run with it!

Finally, remember that any good plan begins with preparation. Before anyone starts to shop, sit down as a family to make it clear who will be responsible for what. Post a checklist in a communal area of the home and have everyone keep track of the steps they’ve fulfilled. If you have a lot of people to shop for, you might also consider creating a spreadsheet to track purchases and expenses.

Say This: (To the kids) “We’re so glad that you want to help out this year! Let’s talk about how this is going to work. First, create a wish list for yourselves; we’ll do the same.”

Not That: “We’ve got a lot going on during Christmas shopping. There’s really nothing for you two to do.”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: I have two young adult children: One is 22 and the other is 24. Both are considering having Thanksgiving with their significant others’ families. This would be the first year apart for us. How do we navigate this? — Ray

Dear Ray: Your family is approaching a major developmental milestone and it’s certainly bittersweet. As hard as it may be to let the “kids” go, so-to-speak, keep in mind that they’re doing what you’ve prepared them to: launch their own lives. Just as your family has established traditions through the years, your adult children are starting their own.

In order to be a part of the conversation about the holidays, you might want to start it. In the process, encourage your kids to enjoy this new chapter while honoring their commitment to your own family. Discuss how the holidays will be divided between families and be sure to keep an open mind. Flexibility goes a long way, here. For example, let’s say your family does a Christmas tree hunt the day after Thanksgiving. The kids may spend Thanksgiving with their significant others, then return to find a Christmas tree with you. Throughout the conversation, make sure you’re not placing unwavering demands. Share your expectations, while allowing the kids to create their own.

Say This: “We’re happy you’re happy and we want to make this as smooth as possible. Let’s talk about how we’re going to divide the holidays between families. We’ll tell you what our hopes are and we’d like to hear yours.”

Not That: “I can’t believe you’re not going to spend Thanksgiving with your family.”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION