Dear Ilana and Jess: I messed up in a semi-major way. I’ve been so bogged down with work that I forgot to wish my father a Happy Father’s Day. He’s a sensitive man and he’s got to be pretty hurt. How do I make it up to him? – Daniela

Dear Daniela: We’ve all forgotten a big occasion before. To err is human, as they say. But you care enough to make it right and that’s a great place to start.

First, don’t beat yourself up. If you forgive yourself, it’ll be much easier to address the oversight openly and non-defensively. When you apologize, be sincere, and tell your father how much he means to you. Real honesty requires vulnerability, so be open and empathetic. Explain why you forgot, without justifying having forgotten. If you downplay or sugarcoat, you’ll end up defeating the purpose.

Once you’ve talked the talk, walk the walk. Plan to do something special, but realistic to commemorate the holiday. If you overshoot, you’ll be in the same position all over again. Your schedule is likely still busy, so make plans that make sense and work with what you’ve got going on.

Consider doing something nostalgic that has meaning for both of you, whether that’s mini golfing together, visiting your favorite childhood restaurant, going to a game together, etc. You might also consider giving your father a handwritten note and/or printed photo of the two of you together; personal touches reflect time and effort. Most importantly, enjoy some quality time and give your father your undivided attention. Set aside the phones when you’re together; it shows respect and appreciation.

Finally, enjoy yourselves! Laughter may not be a cure-all, but it can certainly cure some tension.

Say This: “Dad, I’m truly sorry that I forgot about Father’s Day. I’ve been swamped with work and the date got past me. I’d love to make it up to you with something special. Are you free for dinner on Thursday at our favorite spot?”

Not That: “I’m so, so sorry, Dad! How can I make it up to you?”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

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Dear Ilana and Jess: My teenage daughter just started her summer internship. So far, she’s feeling a little bit bored. She’s debating whether she should stick it out or change course and wants my two cents. How can I help her make a good decision? - Barry

Dear Barry: When we think about internships, we always want to consider the long-term. Boredom may be par for the course, or it may be a sign that the environment isn’t stimulating or challenging enough. It can be difficult to spot the difference.

With that said, this is a prime opportunity to teach your daughter about effective decision-making. One of the oldest tricks in the book is to make a pros and cons list. Rather than simply comparing what’s good and bad about the internship, though, remember that some aspects should be weighted more heavily than others. For example, a job that’s tedious in the short-term but offers incredible opportunity for growth may be well worth any temporary boredom. After your daughter makes her lists, have her underline the items on each that are of greatest long-term significance.

Managing expectations is an important part of making good decisions. Suggest that your daughter outlines, in specific terms, what she believes the internship should provide. Here are a few items that’d be on our list: opportunities for growth, networking opportunities, unique and competitive professional experiences, and opportunity for skills development. If your daughter hasn’t done so already, she should reach out to her boss and colleagues to ask how she can be most helpful in her role and what they’d like to see from her. This will make the pathway to employment or promotion a lot clearer.

One of the best ways for your daughter to do some information-gathering is to speak to people who have been in her shoes. Recommend that your daughter reach out to others who have interned at her site. If she’s a high school or college student, your daughter can reach out to her guidance counselor or the career center on campus. Speaking with the person who first told her about the internship, or recommended her for her position, would be a good place to start.

Say This: “It’s good that you’re voicing your concerns. I’d like to help you organize your thoughts so you can make a good decision. To begin, why don’t you make a list of expectations for your internship. Then, create a pros and cons list. Before you look at the pros and cons together, see how the pros align with your expectations and long-term goals.”

Not That: “I don’t know what you should do.”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: During the school year, my family is a well-oiled machine. Come summer, all of our routines seem to unravel. My seventeen-year-old son, Abe, sleeps all day. I literally can’t get him out of bed. My fourteen-year-old twins go to camp for half the day, then they’re home with me, bored out of their minds. I dread the summer every year. How do I fix this? - Tori

Dear Tori: It’s common for families to lose their rhythm in the summer. But, what you’re describing is a total breakdown of structure. Let’s tackle one thing at a time to get the machine up and running again.

First, anytime there’s potential for a health-related concern, we always advise speaking with a medical professional. Before you treat Abe’s poor sleep habits like a behavioral problem, make sure that’s what they are. (For the sake of this column, we’re writing under the assumption that he has no medical issues impacting his sleep.)

Now is the perfect time for Abe to get a summer job that gets him out of bed in the morning (or, at least before noon). Make employment a requirement, so he doesn’t shirk the task. At 17, Abe will want money to spend on gas, his friends, etc. If you’re the source of his cash flow, put a lid on it. If Abe’s working for allowance, make on-time wakeup necessary for earning. You’ll be the bad guy in the short-term, but in the long-term, you’re helping him help himself.

At 14, your twins are old enough to get involved in the community. Once a week, sit down together as a family to make a list of ideas for afternoon activities. You can reach out to your local library, town recreation center, YMCA, and/or Boys & Girls Club to ask about recreational and volunteer opportunities (see last week’s column for more ideas). If you find a summer program the twins are interested in, you may not need another meeting!

Finally, remember that it’s not your responsibility to keep your kids entertained. As they get older, it’s important that they learn to entertain themselves.

Say This: “Once a week, we’re going to sit down together and plan at least two things for you to do when you get out of camp in the afternoon. I’m going to give you some ideas, and I’d like you to each come up with two of your own.”

Not That: “You say you can’t wait until summer, then when summer gets here, you’re bored.”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION