Dear Ilana and Jess: My teenage daughter just started her summer internship. So far, she’s feeling a little bit bored. She’s debating whether she should stick it out or change course and wants my two cents. How can I help her make a good decision? - Barry

Dear Barry: When we think about internships, we always want to consider the long-term. Boredom may be par for the course, or it may be a sign that the environment isn’t stimulating or challenging enough. It can be difficult to spot the difference.

With that said, this is a prime opportunity to teach your daughter about effective decision-making. One of the oldest tricks in the book is to make a pros and cons list. Rather than simply comparing what’s good and bad about the internship, though, remember that some aspects should be weighted more heavily than others. For example, a job that’s tedious in the short-term but offers incredible opportunity for growth may be well worth any temporary boredom. After your daughter makes her lists, have her underline the items on each that are of greatest long-term significance.

Managing expectations is an important part of making good decisions. Suggest that your daughter outlines, in specific terms, what she believes the internship should provide. Here are a few items that’d be on our list: opportunities for growth, networking opportunities, unique and competitive professional experiences, and opportunity for skills development. If your daughter hasn’t done so already, she should reach out to her boss and colleagues to ask how she can be most helpful in her role and what they’d like to see from her. This will make the pathway to employment or promotion a lot clearer.

One of the best ways for your daughter to do some information-gathering is to speak to people who have been in her shoes. Recommend that your daughter reach out to others who have interned at her site. If she’s a high school or college student, your daughter can reach out to her guidance counselor or the career center on campus. Speaking with the person who first told her about the internship, or recommended her for her position, would be a good place to start.

Say This: “It’s good that you’re voicing your concerns. I’d like to help you organize your thoughts so you can make a good decision. To begin, why don’t you make a list of expectations for your internship. Then, create a pros and cons list. Before you look at the pros and cons together, see how the pros align with your expectations and long-term goals.”

Not That: “I don’t know what you should do.”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: During the school year, my family is a well-oiled machine. Come summer, all of our routines seem to unravel. My seventeen-year-old son, Abe, sleeps all day. I literally can’t get him out of bed. My fourteen-year-old twins go to camp for half the day, then they’re home with me, bored out of their minds. I dread the summer every year. How do I fix this? - Tori

Dear Tori: It’s common for families to lose their rhythm in the summer. But, what you’re describing is a total breakdown of structure. Let’s tackle one thing at a time to get the machine up and running again.

First, anytime there’s potential for a health-related concern, we always advise speaking with a medical professional. Before you treat Abe’s poor sleep habits like a behavioral problem, make sure that’s what they are. (For the sake of this column, we’re writing under the assumption that he has no medical issues impacting his sleep.)

Now is the perfect time for Abe to get a summer job that gets him out of bed in the morning (or, at least before noon). Make employment a requirement, so he doesn’t shirk the task. At 17, Abe will want money to spend on gas, his friends, etc. If you’re the source of his cash flow, put a lid on it. If Abe’s working for allowance, make on-time wakeup necessary for earning. You’ll be the bad guy in the short-term, but in the long-term, you’re helping him help himself.

At 14, your twins are old enough to get involved in the community. Once a week, sit down together as a family to make a list of ideas for afternoon activities. You can reach out to your local library, town recreation center, YMCA, and/or Boys & Girls Club to ask about recreational and volunteer opportunities (see last week’s column for more ideas). If you find a summer program the twins are interested in, you may not need another meeting!

Finally, remember that it’s not your responsibility to keep your kids entertained. As they get older, it’s important that they learn to entertain themselves.

Say This: “Once a week, we’re going to sit down together and plan at least two things for you to do when you get out of camp in the afternoon. I’m going to give you some ideas, and I’d like you to each come up with two of your own.”

Not That: “You say you can’t wait until summer, then when summer gets here, you’re bored.”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: I want to take advantage of the summer months and get in some good, quality time with my kids. My son is 14 and my daughter is 16. Any suggestions? -Adrienne

Dear Adrienne: We like the way you think. It’s always a good idea to be intentional about quality time with family.

There are plenty of summer activities that lend themselves to quality time. Some things to look for when planning them: opportunities for mutual enjoyment and participation, engaging or goal-oriented tasks, and outings that give you something to talk about.

You might start by searching for the nearest state park. Entry to federal or state parks is often free and your family can do any number of things there: hiking, swimming, picnicking, biking, even bird watching. You may want to have everyone suggest an activity for the outing, to ensure that it’s fun for all.

If nature is not your thing, you can still get outside and go for a walk at your local park. A casual stroll is a good way to catch up, free of the distractions and responsibilities at home.

If you’re a family that enjoys fitness, exercising together can be a great way to bond. It requires minimal interaction, which can be especially good for untalkative teenagers. Some towns run their own 5ks, many of which are free or cheap to join. Not only can you run the 5k together, but you can train as a family, enjoying quality time long before the day of the race.

Another great way to have quality time is to volunteer together. You can log onto volunteermatch.org to find opportunities in your area. You can also reach out to local religious leaders and ask how you can help give back to your community. Not only will you make wonderful family memories, but you’ll be doing something meaningful together.

Finally, don’t underestimate the fun of a great movie night!

Say This: “I’d love for us to spend some time this summer enjoying the outdoors, volunteering, and enjoying one another’s company. I thought we might go to a state park this weekend. How does that sound?”

Not That: “We need to spend more time together this summer. What do you want to do?”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION