Dear Ilana and Jess: My daughter Tracy is a college senior. While I’ll always be there for her, she’s branching out into the professional world, and the support she needs to do so seems out of my reach. How can I help her find a mentor who really understands what she needs to do next? - Ted

Dear Ted: First, kudos to you for knowing your limits and helping your daughter launch. You’ve got the right idea. When Tracy was at home, she might have relied on you or her siblings to navigate the teenage years. The transition to young adulthood brings new challenges, and the well of guidance from her existing pool may have run dry.

To begin the process of finding a mentor, we first have to define the word. A mentor is someone who is totally on her side, but totally objective, too. A mentor is someone who has walked the walk, gone through whatever challenges she’s facing, and has come out on top. So how do you get a mentor onboard? First, know who to look for. Tracy should be trying to find a mentor who is successful in her field of interest. Their experience is key to her experience. Second, know where to look. Mentors are all around Tracy at college; she just needs to know where to find them. A mentor can be a graduate or teaching assistant in a class she’s taking, or even the professor who teaches that class. Bosses and coworkers from jobs and internships can also make great mentors, if the job or internship is related to Tracy’s field of study. Mentors can also be found in the alumni network of your daughter’s school; alumni usually love to help students from their alma mater.

Tell Tracy to head to the Career and Academic Planning Center at her college. The advisors there may be able to set her up directly with a mentor on campus. They may even link her to formal alumni mentoring programs.

When meeting with a prospective mentor, Tracy should keep it conversational and skip the question: “Will you be my mentor?” Mentorship shouldn’t feel like an obligation; instead, it should be a symbiotic relationship, in which both parties can help each other. Tracy can ask a potential mentor out for a coffee or lunch to get to know them better.

Before heading into that meal, Tracy should do her research. She’ll want to get as much as she can out of that first meeting, and show her mentor that she means business. Advise Tracy to look up information about that individual, such as their past roles and experiences. Have her find a way to link their experience to hers, or connect it to her future plans.

Finally, leave that meeting with a plan. Before Tracy and her mentor part ways, Tracy should propose another time to meet, to continue their conversation. Tracy should do this after every meeting, until these meetings become routine. It allows the mentorship to grow organically and ensures that both parties stay in touch.

Say This: “Hi, (Professor.) I’ve really been enjoying your class and have read many of your publications. I am eager to pursue a career in this field, and I was wondering if you had time to meet for coffee. I’d love to pick your brain and to ask some questions about your experience.”

Not That: “Will you be my mentor?”

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

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Dear Ilana and Jess: I want my daughter to have a competitive resume, but I’ve been out of the job search for so long that I have no idea how to help her. Any tips? — Ray

Dear Ray: We have more than a few — let’s get right to it. Research suggests that the most common resume errors have to do with grammar and formatting. When your daughter writes her resume, make sure she checks, double checks, then triple checks her writing. She must — and we repeat, must — format her resume in an organized manner, using a legible font, consistent spacing, and clear line breaks. There are plenty of templates online that can be used to help her accomplish this; she can tinker with a few until she finds the one that works best.

If your daughter is fulfilling an application online or submitting her resume via email, ensure that she saves the file as a PDF before sending, to preserve the document’s structure. She should always review the document in PDF format before sending, to make sure that everything looks right. She should also make sure her resume is no longer than one page.

Your daughter should list her most impressive and relevant achievements near the top of each entry. These achievements should be described using action verbs, which express proactive physical or mental action. For example, let’s say your daughter took on an internship that allowed her to work with a company’s leadership team in a collaborative capacity. Instead of writing, “worked with CEO and president,” your daughter might write, “collaborated with CEO and president.” The second sentence contains an action verb (collaborated) and sounds more impressive.

Make sure your daughter continuously modifies and tailors her resume to each application, such that the experiences and skills most relevant to her desired position are highlighted.

For example, if your daughter has had both administrative and clinical roles in healthcare settings, but wants to apply to a clinical position, she should detail her clinical experiences most thoroughly.

Another resume trend you should be aware of: the “objective” statement has by and large been replaced by the “summary” statement. What’s the difference? Besides the word, there’s a shift in focus: in an objective statement, people traditionally list general attributes or goals, for example: “driven and ambitious professional, looking to drive positive client experiences.” In a summary statement, resume writers highlight their notable accomplishments; the experiences and skills that are unique to them. For example, a summary statement might read: “Driven professional with extensive administrative and human service experience. Collaborated with top tier executives on client contracts, event planning, and promotional campaigns.”

Finally, make sure that your daughter knows that her resume is not the place to downplay her accomplishments: A resume is your personal elevator pitch. If she’s worried about being perceived as a bragger, explain the difference between being arrogant and being a good salesperson. Your daughter’s resume should show prospective employers her unique strengths, and demonstrate how she will be an asset to their company or team. If she doesn’t toot her own horn, no one else will!

On a resume –

Say This: “Driven professional with extensive administrative and human service experience. Collaborated with top tier executives on client contracts, event planning and promotional campaigns. Extensive experience driving positive outcomes for clients, in both corporate and clinical settings.”

Not That: “Young, talented professional looking to assist clients in their goals.”

Best of luck to your daughter!

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: I know it’s January, but my daughter is a senior this year, and I want her to get an internship this summer. Is it too soon to start looking? How would she even begin? — Sal 

Dear Sal: The short answer is no: It’s never too soon to start. Quite the opposite; January is a popular time of the year to begin looking for internships. Positions fill up quickly, and those who apply early may get an edge over other applicants.

As we would recommend for any other large and intimidating task, break it down into smaller steps. When you start planning an internship, you want to think about your goals. If your daughter is certain, for example, that she wants to do a premed track in college, she might focus her search to local hospitals, clinics, or other medical facilities. If your daughter wants to discover what it is she likes, start by outlining areas of interest. The high school and college years are ideal for exploration. The opportunity for experimentation can fade quickly in the post-graduate years, so now’s the time to dig deep and think about interests that were previously unexplored.

Have your daughter list out her hobbies, like photography or reading poetry. Make sure she lists as many hobbies as she can think of, so that you’re casting a wide net. Next, Google some corresponding, professional terms. It’s also a good idea to use location-specific searches, so that you’re filtering out jobs that are inaccessible. With that said, if you live near a major city, it’s always a good idea to include the metropolitan area, because the opportunities will open up drastically. Following this example, your daughter might Google, “writing and publication internships near (enter your zip code),” or “photography internships near (enter your zip code).” Don’t forget to try zip codes for other, nearby areas.

Make use of the free resources available to you. If your daughter is in high school, have her speak with her teachers and guidance counselor about professional development opportunities. Have your daughter ask them if there’s any scholarship, collegiate, nonprofit or internship programs they believe she would enjoy/be right for. If your daughter is in college, have her speak with her academic advisor, professors; have her make an appointment with the career counseling center as well. Some universities — and even high schools — post about jobs and internships internally. Many times, recruiters will visit high schools and colleges with the intent of finding promising students. (As an important aside - when your daughter is conducting this outreach, make sure she knows how to write a professional email.)

If your daughter finds an unpaid internship she’s really interested in, but doesn’t want to give up summer income, she can ask her internship to participate part-time. Regardless of whether this is an option, have your daughter look into freelance work, or other jobs that offer flexibility — anything from babysitting to retail, temp work, etc.

In sum, don’t wait to start that internship search. Best of luck to your daughter!

Say This: “Let’s make sure we have a plan to help you get an internship you’re excited about. I want you to have your choice, so the sooner we start, the better. First, make a list of the interests and hobbies you’re passionate about. Then, do a Google search for internships in our area using related terms, like: ‘writing and publication internships near (enter our zip code).’ I also want you to make an appointment with the career counseling center, reach out to your professors and academic adviso about opportunities they might know of.”

Not That: “You really need to get an internship this summer.”

Next week, we’re going to answer a related question we received about how to help your new graduate create a strong resume. Stay tuned!

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION