Dear Ilana and Jess: I know it’s January, but my daughter is a senior this year, and I want her to get an internship this summer. Is it too soon to start looking? How would she even begin? — Sal 

Dear Sal: The short answer is no: It’s never too soon to start. Quite the opposite; January is a popular time of the year to begin looking for internships. Positions fill up quickly, and those who apply early may get an edge over other applicants.

As we would recommend for any other large and intimidating task, break it down into smaller steps. When you start planning an internship, you want to think about your goals. If your daughter is certain, for example, that she wants to do a premed track in college, she might focus her search to local hospitals, clinics, or other medical facilities. If your daughter wants to discover what it is she likes, start by outlining areas of interest. The high school and college years are ideal for exploration. The opportunity for experimentation can fade quickly in the post-graduate years, so now’s the time to dig deep and think about interests that were previously unexplored.

Have your daughter list out her hobbies, like photography or reading poetry. Make sure she lists as many hobbies as she can think of, so that you’re casting a wide net. Next, Google some corresponding, professional terms. It’s also a good idea to use location-specific searches, so that you’re filtering out jobs that are inaccessible. With that said, if you live near a major city, it’s always a good idea to include the metropolitan area, because the opportunities will open up drastically. Following this example, your daughter might Google, “writing and publication internships near (enter your zip code),” or “photography internships near (enter your zip code).” Don’t forget to try zip codes for other, nearby areas.

Make use of the free resources available to you. If your daughter is in high school, have her speak with her teachers and guidance counselor about professional development opportunities. Have your daughter ask them if there’s any scholarship, collegiate, nonprofit or internship programs they believe she would enjoy/be right for. If your daughter is in college, have her speak with her academic advisor, professors; have her make an appointment with the career counseling center as well. Some universities — and even high schools — post about jobs and internships internally. Many times, recruiters will visit high schools and colleges with the intent of finding promising students. (As an important aside - when your daughter is conducting this outreach, make sure she knows how to write a professional email.)

If your daughter finds an unpaid internship she’s really interested in, but doesn’t want to give up summer income, she can ask her internship to participate part-time. Regardless of whether this is an option, have your daughter look into freelance work, or other jobs that offer flexibility — anything from babysitting to retail, temp work, etc.

In sum, don’t wait to start that internship search. Best of luck to your daughter!

Say This: “Let’s make sure we have a plan to help you get an internship you’re excited about. I want you to have your choice, so the sooner we start, the better. First, make a list of the interests and hobbies you’re passionate about. Then, do a Google search for internships in our area using related terms, like: ‘writing and publication internships near (enter our zip code).’ I also want you to make an appointment with the career counseling center, reach out to your professors and academic adviso about opportunities they might know of.”

Not That: “You really need to get an internship this summer.”

Next week, we’re going to answer a related question we received about how to help your new graduate create a strong resume. Stay tuned!

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: We all know that New Year’s resolutions fail more often than not. Why is it that we lose motivation so quickly and what can we do to keep it up? — Jen 

Dear Jen: For the resolution-making kind, New Year’s may bring a renewed commitment to self-improvement. We know that this particular turn of the calendar packs more meaning than most; and that’s part of the problem.

To make goals that stick, we’ve got to rethink our approach to change. There are a few things wrong with the emphasis placed on New Year’s resolutions. First, it puts an inordinate amount of pressure to make long-term changes overnight. Second, it implies that the New Year’s holiday presents a somehow unique opportunity to create change, when it really offers no advantage (apart from symbolic meaning and social expectations). In fact, this time of the year can come with a range of obstacles to making change: a return to old routines after the holidays, cold and inclement weather, new projects at work, etc.

Don’t get us wrong: turning a new page and committing to change are wonderful ideas. But goals need to be supported with follow-through. Here are several ways to keep the goals you set:

Don’t treat your New Year’s resolution(s) as the only opportunity to change your habits. When resolutions are abandoned by mid-January, most people quit the change-making process. Don’t view New Year’s Day as your one and only shot to start a new habit or rhythm. Instead, treat January as your launchpad and anticipate setbacks; they’re a normal part of change (and life.)

In keeping with this, don’t leave goal-setting for January. Let inspiration strike you at any time of the year, and don’t wait for a mile marker to start working toward your goal. Waiting to start is just another form of making excuses.

Don’t try to change everything at once. When we go too big too soon, we set ourselves up for failure. For example, let’s say you (like many of us) want to improve your fitness practices. If you haven’t attended the gym in a year, don’t set a goal of spending 3 hours at the gym, every day. Not only is such a goal unrealistic, it’s probably incompatible with your professional and personal life. We all do better at making long-term change when we take advantage of the snowball effect; starting with small, achievable steps performed consistently. Over time, these changes lend themselves to bigger ones. Following the fitness example, setting the goal that you will attend the gym at least twice a week will make it more attainable, help you achieve success and feel successful, and will make it easier to increase gym attendance down the line.

Say This: “I’m going to commit myself to going to the gym at least two times per week/playing the piano every Friday/turning off my phone for 15 minutes a day.”

Not That: “New year, new me.”

We wish you all a very Happy New Year! 

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Dear Ilana and Jess: My wife and I love to treat our children for Christmas. We shower them with gifts, but after all the presents are unwrapped and the morning rush is gone, they become disengaged and unappreciative. How can we get them to savor the day and show some gratitude next December? — Aaron 

Dear Aaron: First, we hope you and your family had a very Merry Christmas! 

If the kids don’t pace themselves while unwrapping gifts, set the pace for them. You can manage this by creating a rule that, before moving from one gift to the next, the kids must: show the opened gift to you and their sibling(s), say, “thank you,” for it, and wait for your “okay,” before opening the next present. 

Once the gifts are opened, involve your kids in the cleanup. Gratitude is best demonstrated through deeds, not words. When you hold your children accountable for throwing away/recycling the wrapping paper, you send the message that they are expected to contribute and are not entitled to anything.

As you celebrate the holiday, have your children help you and your wife in some capacity. Whether you ask them to put away coats, set the table for your guests, or load the dishwasher after dinner, it’s important that your children’s role in the family entails giving, not just receiving.

Next year, consider creating expectations around Christmas gifts. If you aren’t doing so already, have the kids fulfill chores, earn specific grades, and/or complete acts of kindness in order to earn the items on their Christmas lists. When creating these expectations, it’s important to be specific, so that the kids can see the relationship between action and outcome. Of course, you don’t want to spoil the surprise, so you can make the reward collective, for example: “Mom and I really want to reward your hard work this Christmas. This means we want to see you to help around the house and get all A’s and B’s on your report card.” If your kids believe in Santa, you can easily weave him into the equation. Just remind them that, like Mom and Dad, he’s watching! 

Say This: “Kids, we want you to really cherish this time and appreciate each of your gifts. So, this year and moving forward, after you open each gift, you’re going to show it to your brother(s)/sister(s), Mom and Dad, and be sure to say, ‘thank you’ for what you’ve received. When we give you the go ahead, you can open your next gift.” 

Not That: “You just don’t appreciate anything!”

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to all! 

Say This, Not That is based on the work of Cognition Builders: a global, educational company headed by Ilana Kukoff (Founder & CEO) and Jessica Yuppa Huddy (Chief Learning Officer). Everywhere from New York City to California to Shanghai to Zurich, the Cognition Builders team is called upon by A-list entertainers, politicians, CEOs, and CFOs to resolve the conflicts that upend everyday life. When their work is done, the families they serve are stronger than ever. With their new book, Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter Kukoff and Yuppa Huddy have selected the most common conversational mistakes parents make, and fixed them. For more information, please visit: https://cognitionbuilders.com. To purchase Say This, Not That To Your Teenage Daughter visit: http://publishing.andrewsmcmeel.com/books/detail?sku=9781449488055.

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION