I did not want to die choking on a piece of chicken-fried steak. But there I was, gasping for air in the fifth-grade lunchroom, the eyes of all my peers glued to my contorted face.

The noisy cafeteria, filled with more than a hundred students laughing and talking over one another, grew silent as my coughing became louder. That was when Mr. Davis sprung into action. He was sitting at the teachers' table, where I had been staring while I struggled to breathe. I saw him shove the remaining bite of his sandwich into his mouth and sprint over toward me. He wrapped his arms around my small frame, pressed his arms into my stomach and forcefully thrust.

The rubbery bite of steak flew out of my mouth. The crisis averted, my classmates went back to their sandwiches and Little Debbie snacks. I silently wished for a sinkhole to appear in the cafeteria and swallow me into the bowels of the building.

It was years before I could approach chicken-fried steak again. But I've never forgotten Mr. Davis' quick-witted heroism. When I think about my most memorable elementary school teachers, he comes to mind first.

I asked a few dozen people to describe their favorite elementary school teachers. Some of them were decades removed from that era of their lives, others much younger. Yet nearly everyone had an answer pretty quickly. Some of them were like Mr. Davis, who performed a memorable act of kindness. One attorney told me about Mr. Hogan, his kindergarten teacher, who dropped him off at home one day when his mother didn't pick him up after school.

His sister recalled an incident with Miss Rosa, her first-grade teacher. Her parents had invited Miss Rosa to their home for dinner when they heard how nice she had been to their daughter when she refused to eat green eggs and ham on religious grounds during a lesson on Dr. Seuss. After the dinner, her mother mentioned how sweet Miss Rosa was, and made an offhand remark about her appearance.

The next day at school, Miss Rosa asked what her mother had said after the dinner. The young girl innocently replied, "She said you were chubby."

"Miss Rosa died laughing," the woman recalled. "She never got offended."

The most effective teachers, the ones who advance their students' learning the most, aren't always the kindest, funniest or most charismatic. But they all make a lasting impression on young children.

"Great teaching seems to have less to do with our knowledge and skills than with our attitude toward our students, our subject and our work," wrote educator Maria Orlando in an essay in Faculty Focus.

A study on the traits of exceptional teachers done by Teach For America found that they set big goals for their students, and that they constantly re-evaluate their approaches and techniques in order to improve their effectiveness. They have a relentless focus on improving student achievement, and plan exhaustively and work purposefully toward it. They share the attributes of the most successful students: perseverance and leadership focused on outcomes.

The favorite elementary teachers described to me most often were the ones who made a student feel special, nurtured and valued. Adults talked about the one teacher who encouraged their abilities, helped them see themselves in a different way, or helped them understand a difficult subject. They mentioned kind teachers who managed to be stern and in charge without ever being mean.

Their stories were reflected in the answers my children offered. My son talked about his first-grade teacher, Ms. DePasquale.

"She took everybody's ideas into account," he said. "She was also the most laid-back and funniest, but when she needed to get serious, she was stern."

My daughter said Mr. Kelly, her third-grade teacher, "helped me find new ways of thinking about things." He challenged her.

That was different than what my cousin's wife, Zara, remembered about her favorite elementary teacher. Zara was born in a small town in Pakistan, and her family sent her at a young age to a well-known boarding school to be educated by nuns.

"Sister Mercedes, I remember her so well," Zara said about her first-grade teacher. "I was away from my family, and she was so warm and kind and loving. That was the one thing I needed at that time."

It was one of those days. The house was upside-down, and the kids -- ages 5 and 3 at the time -- wouldn't listen. My list of things to do kept getting longer. Deadlines loomed. I was tired, stressed and felt resentment and self-pity building.

All of a sudden, my most pressing problem became that I had nothing to wear to an upcoming event.

I piled the children in the car and headed to a sale at a favorite boutique. I yelled at them nearly the entire 15 minutes we were in the car. By the time I had them in the double stroller, the youngest had fallen asleep.

I started piling clothes in my arms. We headed to a dressing room. Nearly two hours later, I had bought a purse, a pair of shoes, a top, a pair of pants and two bracelets. And I felt so much better.

I was calmer. I was happier. I was nicer to my sweet children, ready to face dinner, bedtime battles and a late night of working.

It was retail therapy at its worst. I knew the guilt would hit soon enough.

Even though I live within my means and refuse to carry a credit card balance, I'm haunted by my impulse to accumulate more stuff. I hate how much I enjoy buying.

A year and a half ago, I came face-to-face with my dueling inner demons. I swore off buying anything new for myself for an entire year. I told all my friends that I was on a consumption diet and not to call me when they went shopping.

They thought I was nuts. My consumption diet lasted a few months -- until the week before we left for vacation. My outward excuse was that I had nothing appropriate for Florida weather, but I suspect the real reason I binged at Target was because the week before a trip is pure hell for most working parents. You're trying to get extra work done so you're not so far behind when you come back, along with setting up travel logistics, getting the kids packed and making other arrangements. You're exhausted before you arrive at your destination.

There's a documented connection between our emotions and how much we spend. If we are sad, feeling sorry for ourselves or stressed, we shop more. We ignore the other, more responsible voices in our head: Is this stuff made with any consideration for Earth's limited resources? Are the workers paid a fair, living wage? How long before it ends up in a landfill?

Like any temporary, euphoric fix, we are trying to fill a void.

Even before I watched the viral anti-stuff video at storyofstuff.org, I knew I wanted to break this cycle. Intellectually, we know it's a false notion that things can sustain happiness. Lives today are filled with more things than ever, and less happiness. We're filling the world with stuff and throwing fuel on a raging consumption fire.

To anyone who feels the pain of this economy, I don't believe we can spend our way out of this one. We are told that individual consumers keep the economy chugging, and we have internalized that message -- our national spending far outpaces our saving.

I have plans to restart my consumption diet. It's best to take it day by day, week by week. I will consider this list of things that make me happy and don't require a trip to the mall: my children's laughter, a favorite song, a well-told story, a nap, a brisk walk, a conversation with a friend or family member. I vow to think about the consequences beyond limited closet space.

This is a time to invest in experiences, not things.

Resolving to drop some extra pounds is a popular way to start the new year, but a bad relationship can also be weighing you down.

At a time when many people take stock of their finances, their health and career goals, the new year is also an opportunity to re-evaluate relationships -- with family members, partners, friends and social acquaintances.

And one of the most difficult relationships a person can have is with a narcissist.

There may be warning signs in a problematic relationship you've been ignoring for years.

The label "narcissist" was frequently heard in the past election year, and is often used to describe politicians or celebrities. But when does self-absorbed, egotistical behavior become a medically recognized problem requiring treatment? And can a person with a narcissistic personality ever truly change?

Let's first look at the characteristics that comprise the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Such a person exhibits several of these traits:

-- Having a grandiose sense of self-importance

-- Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it

-- Exaggerating their achievements and talents

-- Being preoccupied with fantasies about unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate

-- Believing that they are superior and can only be understood by equally special people

-- Requiring constant, excessive admiration

-- Having a sense of entitlement and an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment

-- Expecting unquestioning compliance with their demands

-- Taking advantage of others to get what they want; being exploitative and manipulative

-- Lacking empathy; having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others

-- Being envious of others and believing others envy them

-- Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

There's a reason these attributes may sound familiar to the parents of a toddler or teenager. St. Louis-area psychologist and clinical director Tom Chida says that it's normal for children to show elements of narcissism as they grow and develop.

As we grow up, most people learn to grow beyond ourselves, he said. "But some people don't. They stay in that highly egocentric state."

Their overconfidence masks a fragile self-esteem. The slightest criticism provokes hostility and lashing out far greater than the perceived insult.

Malignant narcissists enjoy having control and power over other people. They enjoy exploiting people for their own advantage, Chida explained. These are dangerous people to have in your life, capable of great harm, aided by their lack of empathy. They are thin-skinned, controlling, power-hungry and unable to handle the slightest criticism.

The exact cause of NPD is unknown, but it's thought to be linked to either excessive pampering or excessive criticism in the parent-child relationship.

Having a personality disorder is different from suffering from a bout of depression or anxiety, which can be brought on by difficult circumstances. Personality takes years to form. So it can take years of therapy for a narcissist to attempt to learn new skills and behaviors, Chida said. That's not to say a narcissist is incapable of change. But the biggest obstacle to change may be his own psyche, which makes the narcissist unwilling to accept a problem within himself. The narcissist's fragile ego is so threatened by the notion that their manipulative behavior is problematic that they reject that idea altogether. They blame others for their problems.

The mentality is "as long as this is working for me, I presume we are all equally happy," Chida said.

If you realize you're in a relationship with a narcissist who doesn't recognize they have a problem or one who is uninterested in changing, Chida offered this straightforward advice:

Run the other way.

-- Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.