parenting

Loomstruck: How Rubber-Band Bracelets Went Viral and Upended Gender Stereotypes

Parents Talk Back by by Aisha Sultan
by Aisha Sultan
Parents Talk Back | October 14th, 2013

It could have been a scene from any birthday party: A throng of 8- and 9-year-olds huddled around a stack of tiny colored rubber bands, twisting them on plastic looms into multi-colored bracelets.

Except all the crafters were boys.

It's a new demographic for an old trend.

Just as Silly Bandz proliferated years before them, the Rainbow Loom bracelet-making craze has taken root in all parts of the country. But unlike cheap trinkets that children simply collect and trade, these must be made, like the friendship bracelets of yore.

The looming kits that launched the trend more than a year ago were created by Cheong Choon Ng, a Malaysian immigrant of Chinese descent. Ng wanted to bond with his two daughters, who enjoyed making rubber-band bracelets. A dad -- an Asian-American mechanical engineer, at that -- is responsible for the biggest crafting craze in the country? And all because he wanted to impress his girls?

The idea is uniquely suited to take off with this generation: individualized and creative, but a tedious enough task that well-intentioned parents can be roped into taking over.

Jennifer Gregory, stay-at-home mother of two young boys near Fort Lauderdale, Fla., said she avoided getting the loom until her 6-year-old started bringing home bracelets from friends and wanted to return the favor.

Unlike many mothers, who have had to stalk toy stores for shipments of the looms and small rubber bands, she found one nearby. She figured the activity would help her boys with their fine motor skills.

It ended up being her fine motor skills that got the most work.

Last spring, Gregory posted on her blog, therunawaymama.com: "... being the only human being in the house who can loom a bracelet hasn't given me any power or leverage. Instead, it's rendered me a helpless servant. I've been propositioned to loom at least a dozen times while sitting on the toilet or handling raw meat, and I've been woken up twice before dawn (on the weekend!) by a little person holding a loom and whispering in my ear, 'Can you make this bracelet? I've been waiting all night.'"

She's not alone.

"I've had to do a decent amount of the work," said Kelly Caplin, mother of three small boys in Weldon Spring, Mo. She has watched YouTube tutorials posted by other bracelet-making experts, usually under the age of 12, to learn various techniques while helping her boys make bracelets.

"In total, we could put together an entire weekend of putting together bracelets," she said. Some of them are more work than she's willing to put in. The more complicated designs take fancy fingerwork.

"We have made one triple single, and it took a long time," she said. "It turned out good, and we have not done another. It was a proud moment for us, though."

Some schools have banned the looms, saying they're too distracting. Others have realized their potential to be used by cliques. One distressed mother described driving to three different toy stores in a single weekend because her first-grade daughter had been told that her group of friends had to wear the same bracelets in the same colors.

"No one will talk to you if you're not wearing one," one fifth-grader said after losing her prized bracelet.

But it's not just mean-girl politics that fuel a fad. It's the addictive nature of the repetitive motions, using a plastic hook to twist, twist, twist those little bands onto pegs.

A few weeks ago, Gregory was having one of those maxed-out parenting moments when her 4-year-old approached her to make another bracelet.

"I cannot do this right now. I need a timeout," she said, and headed out the door for a quick walk. When she came back inside, sanity restored, she discovered her husband sitting at the kitchen table figuring out the loom and attempting to craft a bracelet.

"Jen, you should not be the only person in this house who knows how to loom a bracelet," he said.

Once he got the hang of it, he caught the bug, she said.

Two hours later, he was still looming.

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting
parenting

A Taste of Freedom at the Ballpark

Parents Talk Back by by Aisha Sultan
by Aisha Sultan
Parents Talk Back | October 7th, 2013

The young girl started whimpering during the rehearsal in the tunnel under Busch Stadium.

She was scared to walk out on the field with her fifth-grade classmates.

They were expected to sing "God Bless America" before game time on the clear night when the St. Louis Cardinals would clinch the National League Central Division title by beating the Cubs once more.

My daughter was in this group of 30 or so classmates, but she didn't seem to be suffering any preperformance jitters. In fact, she was keen on avoiding extended eye contact with me. I had talked my way into accompanying the music teacher and principal onto the field in the hopes of getting a video of the moment.

So it was another student who tugged at the purse on my shoulder and pointed at the girl on the brink of tears. A maternal instinct kicked in, and I bent down to give the girl a hug and reassure her that she was going to do great.

"If you really don't want to, you don't have to sing," I said. She looked grim and nodded.

I had already been handed one student's backpack and another one's cap to safeguard while they performed. Given all the mothering required, albeit to children unrelated to me, I could overlook how dispensable I seemed to be to my own offspring.

For my daughter, it wasn't just her big night to perform with her friends. It was her big night to hang out with them at a reasonable distance from us, her family, who are ever on the perilous brink of morbidly embarrassing her.

My friends and I remember the places we walked by ourselves as children on the cusp of adolescence -- the local grocery store, the swimming pool, perhaps a nearby pizza or ice cream place.

Whether you hung out at the mall or the movies, the most coveted places became those away from direct parental supervision, in a place bigger than a familiar street, park or friend's house.

My husband recalls the first time he was allowed to go from his home in Long Island to New York City on the subway with just his friends. He was 13. It was New Year's Eve, and they had tickets to see the Rangers play. None of them realized it was a night game. One of his buddies used a pay phone to make a collect call to his parents, who must have informed the other parents about the time change. The four friends had the entire day in the city to themselves.

He remembers walking from the Empire State Building to the World Trade Center. They stopped to eat at a deli.

They were several years older than writer Lenore Skenazy's child, who navigated the city's subways at age 9. Skenazy launched a "free-range child" movement in response to the helicopter parents who seemed to handicap their children with constant hovering and supervision. But regardless of where a parent falls on the free-range to helicopter spectrum, there comes a time when children take their first steps toward burgeoning independence.

For our 10-year-old it was at the ballpark, which is really as close to freedom as she was going to get at this age. She sat a section away from us with a group of girls, at least a row away from anyone's parent. They went to the concessions area to buy their own Dippin' Dots and pretzels. She said one of the best parts was that she didn't have to listen to her little brother cheer or chant during the plays.

"We clapped, we yelled, we cheered, we laughed and we talked," she said, about the night.

The beauty of baseball is that it allows you to talk about everything other than baseball until it forces you to talk about nothing but baseball.

Letting go. Holding on. This is the bittersweet balance for much of life.

I was glad I had served a purpose by joining her classmates as they walked out on what felt like hallowed ground to so many of them.

I was just as glad when we found my daughter in the ninth inning and watched a memorable season draw to a close, together.

Work & SchoolFamily & ParentingFriends & Neighbors
parenting

Measles, Mumps and Vaccination Debates

Parents Talk Back by by Aisha Sultan
by Aisha Sultan
Parents Talk Back | September 30th, 2013

There's a return of antiquated-sounding illnesses in various parts of the country -- measles, mumps and whooping cough outbreaks are in the headlines.

And there are two distinct front lines in the public policy effort to get as many children vaccinated as possible. On one side, there are pediatricians concerned about a rise in preventable childhood diseases because of parents reluctant or refusing to vaccinate their children.

On the other side, there are parents with religious objections or other concerns who don't feel their worries are taken seriously by the medical establishment.

And never the twain shall meet, it seems.

Dr. Dyan Hes, medical director at Gramercy Pediatrics in New York City, received a call from grandparents who are at their wits' end. Their granddaughter has refused to vaccinate her 11-year-old, so they are bringing her to Hes' office to see if she can talk some sense into her.

"I'll ask her what her fears are," Hes said. Normally, she meets with prospective patients in her private practice and tells them upfront: "All my patients are vaccinated."

"We became pediatricians because we want children to be healthy, so it's never our intention to harm your child," she said. The previous fears about links between autism and vaccines have been completely debunked, she said. "I don't separate vaccines. I don't alter the schedule because no study shows there are reduced complications from doing so," she said.

While the overall childhood vaccination rate in America is still high -- at 90 percent or higher -- for many immunizations, there are pockets of unvaccinated children in certain communities.

One mother, who says she doesn't like to talk about her concerns about vaccinations publicly because of the reactions it can trigger, says her son began having seizures after getting the measles, mumps and rubella shot when he was barely a year old.

"Every doctor I've spoken to will get upset if you say the vaccination caused it. They will say it might have triggered it. He may have been predisposed to seizures already," she said. But the experience changed her view on vaccinations and has influenced some of her family members against getting their own children immunized.

This mom says she doesn't believe in combination shots, prefers to wait until children are a little older than the recommended age and avoids shots altogether when the child has a cold or any other illness.

Even though her husband is a physician, she says medical practitioners tend to have a view of "you're either with us or against us" when it comes to vaccines.

That may be due to cases such as the measles outbreaks in New York City and Texas this year. If trends continue, this may be the worst year for measles in America in a decade. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a report earlier this month stating unvaccinated children or those with unknown vaccination status made up 92 percent of the 159 reported cases of measles between Jan. 1 and Aug. 24 this year.

"We don't really see childhood mortality anymore because we have vaccines," Hes said. "People don't remember what it's like to be in an iron lung because of polio." They haven't seen encephalopathy or death as a complication of measles.

Parents who don't vaccinate their children are exposing the larger public to risk, including babies too young to be immunized, she said. Hes has patients with cancer and other illnesses who cannot be vaccinated; having those kids share a waiting room with an unvaccinated child with measles could be fatal, she said. "Most of the parents forget that they are vaccinated, but they are choosing to expose their kids."

But for the mom who believes her son had a negative reaction to the MMR shot and never got another immunization for him, a position like Hes' will never sway her.

"I'm not trying to argue with someone who has spent years studying medicine," she said. "But they should try to understand where the other person is coming from. No one wants a sick world. Everyone wants what's best for their child."

A doctor scarcely has the time to answer every vaccination question a parent might have during an office visit. And the vast amounts of information online can range from reliable to completely false. But if the goal is to get as many children vaccinated as possible, the medical community needs to find a way to address parents' concerns about the risks -- without alienating the very people they seek to help.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety

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