Q: I was recently shocked when a coworker said he's heard that having an affair can actually spice up your marriage. I'm sure that's wrong, but I'm at a loss as to what to say in response. What's your take?

Jim: My take: ALL of the best social research shows that having an affair will certainly NOT "spice up" the relationship in any positive long-term way. Infidelity has been described as a huge bomb detonating within a marriage. At Focus on the Family, we hear from hundreds of people every month who confirm that imagery. The effects on everyone involved are devastating.

Affairs are driven almost exclusively by emotion. The euphoria and excitement of infidelity can seem intoxicating. In fact, "intoxication" is a perfect descriptor -- because at their core, affairs are virtually identical to alcohol and drug addiction. Neither addiction nor infidelity are rational, logical solutions to life's challenges. They're simply attempts to escape reality.

We all have legitimate desires for love and significance. But trying to fill those needs with the emotional high of an affair is just an illusion. You're not in love with a human being -- you're in love with the fantasy of what you wish your relationships could be. And just like every addiction, it'll eventually only leave you feeling even more empty.

The truth is that a truly authentic, satisfying relationship can only develop over time through years of healthy, intimate connection. So, I would tell your friend: Don't look for a quick fix that's nothing but vapor anyway. Invest your time, your emotions and your efforts into strengthening your marriage the right way.

And I would say to any reader: Maybe the idea of an affair has crossed your mind, or maybe you're already in one. Your marriage and your life can be restored. Our counselors can help; see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My 6-, 11- and 13-year-olds all struggle with gratitude. How can I teach them to be thankful?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: As a parent, you help set a healthy culture of gratitude in your home. This question is a wonderful first step toward that end.

Here are 5 quick things you can begin doing to foster a culture of gratitude at each age and stage of your children's development:

1. Teach the difference between a right and a privilege. Acknowledging and appreciating what they have teaches children the trust that what they have is enough. This helps free them from the vortex of always wanting more. Emphasize the importance of perception.

2. Highlight the discipline and trait of humility. Humility helps cultivate a thankful heart.

3. Model gratitude by saying "thank you" and expressing grateful thoughts you have throughout the day. Your kids watch and learn how to respond to life through what they see in you. Learn to be aware of your own attitude and response to life throughout the day.

4. Take time to talk about what each of you is thankful for throughout the year. Keep a posterboard in a central spot in the house -- each day, write down various things that make your hearts grateful. Noting these people, events and things trains your minds; it's like working out your mental gratitude muscles.

5. Be generous. Giving helps your children recognize what it feels like to be thanked. It also fosters selflessness and a mindset that is considerate of others.

Creating a culture of gratitude in your home takes patience, consistency and persistence. November is a great month to press the "reset button" of gratitude in your home and foster a thankful mindset all year long.

You can sign up to directly receive free practical content based on the age of your child; go to MyKidsAge.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I've been struck recently by how our kids seem so ... self-centered, I guess. I really want to steer them in the right direction. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I think it's an unfortunate fact of fallen human nature that we ALL have a tendency to feel that the world revolves around us. Today's culture amplifies this problem by telling us -- especially impressionable children and teens -- to look out for Number One (and, dare I say, "build your personal brand"?). Parents have the challenging task of helping our kids look beyond their own interests and develop empathy for others.

As the host of a radio interview show, I've heard several guests suggest that one of the best antidotes for self-centeredness is to volunteer as a family. It might be serving at a food bank, donating items to a local shelter or hosting a neighborhood car wash and giving the proceeds to charity. Assembling care packages for the troops, picking up trash at the park, joining a church service project -- the possibilities are endless.

Volunteering can help children learn four valuable lessons. First, it helps them grasp that they're NOT the center of the universe. Second, it helps them gain self-confidence and teaches responsibility. Third, it familiarizes them with community resources and groups that depend on volunteers. And finally, volunteering helps children see and build relationships with positive role models -- men and women who are investing their lives in reaching out to others.

It's vital, of course, that we parents model self-sacrifice and service for our children. But it's even better when we can get our kids involved in the same activities. Volunteering will draw your family closer together -- and you'll quite likely make some lasting memories in the process.

For more tips on how to help your family thrive, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I love hosting our large extended family for Thanksgiving every year. The only awkward point (every time) comes when my father-in-law insists on carving the turkey. Unfortunately, he does a terrible job, and my beautifully cooked bird gets absolutely mauled! I don't want to insult him by giving the job to someone else. Do you have any suggestions for fixing this in a loving way?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I applaud you for wanting to provide a special Thanksgiving experience for everyone, while also protecting your relationship with your father-in-law. Many of us neglect to appreciate the time, effort and love that goes into planning and preparing a holiday meal. That's an incredible gift, so it's a shame when everything is devoured and done in a matter of moments.

I wonder if that might be part of your frustration. It's important to clearly identify your feelings -- otherwise, resentment will only build. In other words, you won't achieve resolution unless you're able to articulate to yourself WHY this is such a difficult issue for you.

After you've explored your feelings and arrived at the heart of the matter, you might decide to stay with the status quo. But that doesn't mean you can't use the opportunity to create a "win" for everyone.

For example, you could initiate a new tradition of taking a family picture with the beautiful turkey before it goes under the knife. You might also further honor your father-in-law by publicly commending his carving leadership -- and expressing a desire that he preserve the tradition by someday conferring that responsibility to your husband.

All told, you might find that the sacrificial act of deferring to your father-in-law is actually an extension of what you're trying to accomplish -- serving your family while providing an atmosphere where a spirit of love and thanksgiving is felt and expressed by all.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My mother-in-law habitually plays favorites with my husband's sister and her family. Whenever I call my mother-in-law (well in advance) about visiting on various holidays, the answer is always she'll "have to check with [her daughter] first." It's deeply hurtful to my husband and me. This year, once again, we've been forced to adjust our Thanksgiving and Christmas plans around my in-laws. What can we do in the future?

Jim: This is certainly a difficult scenario -- but unfortunately, it's also relatively common. Realistically, it's possible (but regrettable) that in your mother-in-law's eyes you will always play second fiddle to her own daughter.

That said, it's crucial that your husband step up for a candid conversation with his mother. Simple honesty dictates that he tell her how the two of you have been feeling. Moving forward, I'd suggest setting some firm boundaries regarding future holiday plans. Next year, when discussing dates with your mother-in-law, say something like this: "Mom, we'd really love to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with you. We'd like to finalize our plans by early September, so can you let us know by then?"

If she can't (or won't) commit because she doesn't know what her daughter will be doing for the holidays, you can say, "Just let us know what you want to do by the first of September, or we'll need to make other plans." If your mother-in-law doesn't give you an answer by the deadline, stand firm and arrange something else. She might act hurt when you tell her you can't come, but don't buy in to the manipulation. Simply tell her you're sorry she's disappointed and that you'd love to get together another time.

Hopefully, it won't take long for her to get the message. If she leaves your family hanging because she's hoping for a "better offer," she'll just lose out on seeing you.

Q: When -- and why -- do babies start smiling?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: I treasure a photo I captured of my then-newborn son in the hospital -- eyes barely open, but smiling. I vividly recall thinking at the time: "Is this a real smile or just a random expression?"

Researchers report that at about 6- to 12-weeks of age, babies begin truly smiling in response to people, voices and sounds they find stimulating and enjoyable. In fact, at the 2-month check-up, pediatricians often ask whether your baby has started smiling at you or other things they find enjoyable.

A smile is powerful and deeply connected to a child's social-emotional development. Here are four key things to keep in mind with infants:

-- Smiles and laughter help strengthen your child's immune system. For all of us, smiling helps calm stress response and inflammation.

-- A positive response from others, through their smiles and laughter, helps build a child's self-confidence. The body releases dopamine and serotonin, which are mood regulators, in response to smiling behaviors.

-- You might occasionally notice your baby look away when you are smiling at each other. The reason is that they're learning to manage the intense feelings that come from face-to-face gazing. So be patient as your little one acclimates to these exchanges. Your smile is just as contagious and beneficial as your child's; have "smile parties" with your baby and bring plenty of them along.

-- While you may realize how genuine smiles help elevate mood, reduce stress and create connection, it can be easy to forget to smile throughout the day -- especially when you feel sleep-deprived and/or stressed. So, as your baby learns to smile, make sure you remember to use yours, too!

You can sign up to directly receive free practical content based on the age of your child; go to MyKidsAge.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.