Q: My mother-in-law habitually plays favorites with my husband's sister and her family. Whenever I call my mother-in-law (well in advance) about visiting on various holidays, the answer is always she'll "have to check with [her daughter] first." It's deeply hurtful to my husband and me. This year, once again, we've been forced to adjust our Thanksgiving and Christmas plans around my in-laws. What can we do in the future?

Jim: This is certainly a difficult scenario -- but unfortunately, it's also relatively common. Realistically, it's possible (but regrettable) that in your mother-in-law's eyes you will always play second fiddle to her own daughter.

That said, it's crucial that your husband step up for a candid conversation with his mother. Simple honesty dictates that he tell her how the two of you have been feeling. Moving forward, I'd suggest setting some firm boundaries regarding future holiday plans. Next year, when discussing dates with your mother-in-law, say something like this: "Mom, we'd really love to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with you. We'd like to finalize our plans by early September, so can you let us know by then?"

If she can't (or won't) commit because she doesn't know what her daughter will be doing for the holidays, you can say, "Just let us know what you want to do by the first of September, or we'll need to make other plans." If your mother-in-law doesn't give you an answer by the deadline, stand firm and arrange something else. She might act hurt when you tell her you can't come, but don't buy in to the manipulation. Simply tell her you're sorry she's disappointed and that you'd love to get together another time.

Hopefully, it won't take long for her to get the message. If she leaves your family hanging because she's hoping for a "better offer," she'll just lose out on seeing you.

Q: When -- and why -- do babies start smiling?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: I treasure a photo I captured of my then-newborn son in the hospital -- eyes barely open, but smiling. I vividly recall thinking at the time: "Is this a real smile or just a random expression?"

Researchers report that at about 6- to 12-weeks of age, babies begin truly smiling in response to people, voices and sounds they find stimulating and enjoyable. In fact, at the 2-month check-up, pediatricians often ask whether your baby has started smiling at you or other things they find enjoyable.

A smile is powerful and deeply connected to a child's social-emotional development. Here are four key things to keep in mind with infants:

-- Smiles and laughter help strengthen your child's immune system. For all of us, smiling helps calm stress response and inflammation.

-- A positive response from others, through their smiles and laughter, helps build a child's self-confidence. The body releases dopamine and serotonin, which are mood regulators, in response to smiling behaviors.

-- You might occasionally notice your baby look away when you are smiling at each other. The reason is that they're learning to manage the intense feelings that come from face-to-face gazing. So be patient as your little one acclimates to these exchanges. Your smile is just as contagious and beneficial as your child's; have "smile parties" with your baby and bring plenty of them along.

-- While you may realize how genuine smiles help elevate mood, reduce stress and create connection, it can be easy to forget to smile throughout the day -- especially when you feel sleep-deprived and/or stressed. So, as your baby learns to smile, make sure you remember to use yours, too!

You can sign up to directly receive free practical content based on the age of your child; go to MyKidsAge.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: Our daughter had a 4.0 GPA all through high school. Now she's off to university, living in the dorms, and her grades are plummeting. We don't see any evidence of partying or other troubling behaviors, so we're not quite sure what to think. What do you suggest?

Jim: As a dad with two now-adult sons, I understand. Even the best of students often experience a drop-off in grades during their first year in college. The college world is very different from that of high school, and a freshman typically undergoes a certain amount of culture shock even if they're still living at home; on-campus dorm life can be downright overwhelming.

Think about it from your daughter's perspective. She has to adjust to a new living situation and being wholly responsible for her own eating, sleeping and study habits. She's processing a whole range of new friends and acquaintances. She has to learn her way around an unfamiliar and confusing campus while adapting to a strange schedule -- sitting in lecture halls followed by a LOT of time working outside of class. Statistically speaking, she's likely also suffering from homesickness. Once she has navigated all this, she has to find extra time and energy to devote to classes and subjects that are more complex than what she's seen before. It's a big challenge.

I'd encourage you to ask what's going on, what she needs from you and what will help ease the adjustment process. It's highly probable that she's longing for reassurance from you. She may desperately need demonstration of your confidence in her and your unconditional love as you support her during this challenging transition.

I have a feeling that specific explanations will emerge out of your relationship with your daughter. So, don't jump to conclusions. Instead, take the time you and she need to talk things through.

Q: My husband and I try to make a point of having regular date nights. But we're so busy that this is usually the most convenient time for us to discuss concerns and problems. Is it a good idea to talk about sensitive issues while out on a date?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Current research confirms what we all know (at least at some level) intuitively: Spending time enjoying your spouse is critical to a healthy relationship.

Some years back, marital research experts Dr. Scott Stanley and Dr. Howard Markman conducted an extensive survey to discover what creates a "strong" relationship. Perhaps surprisingly, the amount of fun couples had together emerged as the strongest factor in understanding overall marital happiness. The application is that if time spent together having fun is this important, then we must protect those moments against invading distractions.

Here's an analogy. I might or might not have personal experience with what happens when just one red shirt gets thrown into a washer full of white clothes. If you've been there, you know it could be enough to ruin the whole load.

Allowing conflict or unpleasantries to encroach on date night can have the same destructively "coloring" effect because it intensifies emotions -- making it difficult to relax and enjoy each other. If the pattern becomes a practice, your mate may lose the desire to do fun things because the experience ends up "turning pink."

Rather than allowing that to happen, I encourage you and your spouse to set aside difficult conversations during date night and reschedule them for when you can give them your undivided attention. Agree on a different time and place to "administrate" things. Focusing on the fun during dates will strengthen your bond and enable you to deal with the difficult issues better at the proper time.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I got married this past spring. My husband and I had a great summer and loved doing things together on weekends. But then the college football season started. I knew my husband was a fan, but I'd rather be spending Saturdays doing things together instead of waiting around while he's watching his alma mater on TV. What can I do?

Jim: Many couples get married thinking the secret to marital bliss is having the exact same interests. What we ALL discover is that we're rarely just like our spouse. The good news is we don't have to be. A successful marriage isn't the result of perfect chemistry. It's built -- in part -- by learning how to bring our "separateness" together.

For example, some friends of mine "go fishing together" nearly every weekend in the summer. Actually, he likes to fish; she loves to read and just be outdoors. So on Saturday mornings they drive into the mountains, and he fly-fishes while she sits on the bank and enjoys a book. They talk. They laugh. They have a picnic together. They enrich their marriage. But their deeper connection doesn't happen by forcing each one's individual interests onto one another. It comes from bringing their "separateness" together.

The most important thing is communication -- talk about your concerns and work out ways to accommodate each other. Maybe you can do a hobby nearby while hubby watches The Game (if you can stand it, try watching a little bit with him). And then he reciprocates by deferring to your preferences for the next three hours!

Putting each other ahead of ourselves takes patience and a willingness to embrace our spouse's unique view of life. If you both will do that, you'll discover a deeper intimacy with one another than you ever thought possible.

Q: I've heard you talk about intentionality as a trait of effective parenting. I try to be intentional in my parenting, but my teens still won't listen. What am I missing?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: The attitudes and perceptions of our kids -- especially teenagers -- are impacted by so many things. Thoughts and emotions are influenced by past and current experiences and relationships. Teens want to feel a sense of belonging, competence, worth and autonomy.

These thirsts can get them hyperfocused on things that go directly against what you're trying to teach them. But research confirms that parents are the most influential voices in a child's development -- so persevere through this season. Teens process connection with their peers through a lens of survival. In other words, if they don't feel like they belong, they feel they may not survive. It's an intense battle inside their minds.

In that context, take inventory of your relationship to see how well you express your guidance through love, accessibility and sensitivity. Your teen needs your warmth as you bring direction and correction to their life. Your intentional parenting will help them learn to:

-- Prioritize their responsibilities, relationships, time, interests and/or goals effectively.

-- Show genuine interest in others.

-- Plan and organize their time and space.

-- Value clear communication and genuine connectedness.

-- Be consistent and trustworthy in what they do.

Continue to be patient and persistent with love and compassion toward your teen. Kids also learn from failure and mistakes; in fact, some personalities are more about learning things the hard way than listening to others' advice.

What you build in your teen is the best gift you can ever offer them. Your investment in focused one-on-one time and conversations is priceless and must be a priority. Remember that the fruit of that investment might only be seen years later.

For more practical age and stage parenting tools, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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