Q: Our daughter started attending a new school this year and she's struggling to develop healthy friendships. What can we do to help her seek out connections with kids who will be positive influences?

Jim: Much of what our children learn about friendships comes from us as parents. This often happens unconsciously, but it helps a lot if Mom and Dad take a strategic, intentional approach.

The first step is to work on guiding your child in developing strong positive virtues herself. In other words, point her toward becoming the kind of person who can BE a good friend. As you model these virtues yourself and discuss them with her, your daughter will pick up on what to look for in others who will help her steer clear of heartache. Some of the most important qualities you can build into her (and your) character include honesty, respect, loyalty, compassion and acceptance.

The second step is building your child's confidence. A healthy self-esteem positions her to make wise choices about her connection with others. Support her in this by affirming her strengths and highlighting when she does something well. Spending quality one-on-one time with her illustrates that you value her as a person and enjoy her company.

You can also enhance the process by involving your child in socially interactive activities. When I was a teen I was all about competitive sports. One of my two now-adult sons played some football for a while, but they both also found peer connections through chess club and science groups -- and even cotillion!

Encourage all this growth by inviting your daughter's friends (and their families) over for a meal -- say, a different child every other week.

Making friends can be a challenge for any of us, at any age. The simplest formula is to remember the classic Golden Rule: "Treat others the way you want them to treat you."

Q: My kids are really interested in TikTok. I've seen lots of headlines about it. What do I need to know as a parent?

Adam Holz, Director, Plugged In: In the hyper-competitive social media arena, TikTok reigns supreme as the go-to digital destination for young users -- topping the likes of Snapchat and Instagram, as well as YouTube and Netflix.

And "users" is a very accurate name for those engaging on this short-form video platform. The average TikTok user in 2023 spends a whopping 95 minutes daily watching its quick-hit videos, visiting the site on average 8 times a day.

So what's the hook? User-created videos run the gamut of virtually anything you can think of (and that's true with other short-form video platforms, too). Many try to get a laugh. But many also include profanity and sexually suggestive images, although nudity and explicit sexual content are banned. Other potentially harmful behaviors (like eating disorders) and worldviews may be reinforced as well.

That said, the content itself is just the first layer of concern. Another is how TikTok invites users into a non-stop video binge. The platform's algorithm observes what people watch, then serves up an endless digital buffet of similar stuff. TikTok is about consumption -- often the "mindless" variety.

Experts are increasingly sounding a warning when it comes to TikTok and other apps like it. Recent research indicates that already-short attention spans are being further obliterated. And social scientists have shown many correlations between social media use in general and negative mental-health outcomes such as anxiety, depression and suicide.

Setting limits -- when, where and what young users see -- is critical. But for many families, the best way to steer clear of these pitfalls is to delay initial use of social media apps such as TikTok as long as possible.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: My wife and I have decent incomes, but neither of us has ever been all that great at making informed financial decisions. I feel like most of the time we're just winging it. Do you have any practical insights for managing our resources well?

Jim: Realistically, I don't think you're asking for advice about the best way to use or apply (invest) your money. That's a highly subjective and personal issue. But I can offer a broader set of principles from financial expert Ron Blue. He suggests the following criteria-based model for making fiscal decisions:

-- For people of faith -- pray together about how to handle your money.

-- Define your decision. What is the question? Often your decision statement will include such words as "choose," "select" and "best."

-- Clarify your objectives. What are you really trying to achieve? What are the decision criteria?

-- Prioritize your objectives. What are the non-negotiables? What are the possible tradeoffs?

-- Identify your alternatives.

-- Evaluate your alternatives. What are the facts?

-- Make a preliminary decision.

-- Assess the risk. What could go wrong here?

-- Make the final decision.

-- Test the decision.

This multi-step matrix offers a number of benefits. What I like is that it maximizes objectivity, minimizes bias and helps defuse emotion-based disagreements. If you and your spouse discuss and apply it carefully, you separate the relevant data from the trivial. That can provide direction for your thinking and set the stage for comfortable consensus.

Q: After the loss of my first marriage, I'm finally ready to remarry. But my intended spouse's children are against the marriage -- in fact, they seem to hate me. What do you suggest?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: It's never easy to enter into a second marriage and blend a new family. In fact, research shows that a majority of remarriages involving children end in another divorce. Obviously, without detailed knowledge about the dynamics involved, I'm in no position to make definitive statements concerning your chances of success. But if the kids are openly opposed to the marriage, at the very least you can likely expect an even rougher ride than the average couple in your situation.

What I can tell you is that you'll need to approach this situation with extreme care -- and a lot of prayer. An unsuspecting stepparent may be suddenly confronted with a whole set of longstanding alliances and power struggles within the existing (but fractured) household. If you decide to move forward with your plans, you'll need to work extra-hard to overcome the barriers and develop positive bonds with your new stepchildren.

That means taking a sincere interest in the kids and spending lots of one-on-one time with each of them -- even if your initial efforts are rebuffed or, at best, barely tolerated. In particular, you'll want to take special care to praise the children at every opportunity, instead of simply punishing them when they misbehave. In other words, make an intentional effort to "catch them being good."

Because of the unique challenges involved, I strongly recommend that those who are planning to remarry and blend a family should seek professional counseling well before the wedding. Couples who attempt to go it alone are often just setting themselves up for frustration and failure.

Expectations, roles and parenting styles should be clarified and openly discussed with the help of an experienced marriage and family therapist. It won't be easy, but it's part of the challenge of building a successful blended family. Our staff counselors would be more than happy to help you get started; call 855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: My grandfather has been battling cancer, but unfortunately is in the final stages -- it won't be long. He wants to see my two young children. But the illness and treatments have dramatically affected his appearance, and I'm afraid the kids would find the experience very upsetting. What do you advise?

Jim: I understand your dilemma; this is a tough decision. You want to honor your grandfather's wishes, but you're concerned about protecting your children from fear and pain.

On the whole, I take the view that death is part of life. So with appropriate preparation, I think it would be a positive thing to allow your children to say goodbye to their great-grandfather. That's especially true if they've enjoyed a good relationship with him to this point.

Be fully honest with the kids about what's happening. Use age-appropriate language to let them know that great-grandpa is very sick. Explain that people sometimes get so sick that their bodies don't work right anymore -- and that can make them look very different than they used to. If your grandfather's illness has caused him to lose a lot of weight, and/or what hair he had, you may want to talk about this beforehand. Lay it all out in a calm, non-threatening way. If you appear to be fearful or anxious, your children will pick up on it and they'll be afraid as well.

Of course, there's also a faith-based aspect. While most young children don't have the capacity to grasp abstract concepts like death and eternity, this is an opportunity to lay the groundwork for further discussion of these topics as the little ones mature. But for now, keep the conversation simple and geared to your children's needs and their level of insight. We have numerous resources to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I'm worried about cultural influences on my preteen. How can I maintain parental influence in a world competing to take it away?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: The tide of culture can make it feel like your child is slowly being taken out of your hands. While it's inevitable that your child will experience things you do not wish them to, that doesn't mean you've lost your essential place as a parent. Research confirms that moms and dads have the most powerful influence on their child's overall development.

Here are four foundational ways to maintain that influence:

1. Foster a close relationship. Invest time in playing, having conversations, answering questions, taking walks, laughing and experiencing life together with your child. Time and attention open the door to influence and guidance.

2. Establish and communicate core values. Teach your preteen what your family's values are. Give examples of how to live out those values in their life and talk about what to do if those values come under attack.

3. Pursue deeper conversations. Your preteen will see and hear things out in the world that are out of your control. But you can prepare them with the truth so that when they face problematic ideas, they have a firm foundation to stand on. The tendency is to panic when things feel out of control. Lean in and guide instead!

4. Establish clear limits and rules with sensitivity and warmth. Validate your preteen's desire to belong and to feel a sense of worth and competence. They need you to be an understanding guide pursuing wisdom, not a friend who is only interested in making them happy or avoiding uncomfortable conversations.

Remember that every child is unique and that your child's needs may differ from others. To explore more practical parenting tips, make sure to visit FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.