Q: My wife and I have decent incomes, but neither of us has ever been all that great at making informed financial decisions. I feel like most of the time we're just winging it. Do you have any practical insights for managing our resources well?

Jim: Realistically, I don't think you're asking for advice about the best way to use or apply (invest) your money. That's a highly subjective and personal issue. But I can offer a broader set of principles from financial expert Ron Blue. He suggests the following criteria-based model for making fiscal decisions:

-- For people of faith -- pray together about how to handle your money.

-- Define your decision. What is the question? Often your decision statement will include such words as "choose," "select" and "best."

-- Clarify your objectives. What are you really trying to achieve? What are the decision criteria?

-- Prioritize your objectives. What are the non-negotiables? What are the possible tradeoffs?

-- Identify your alternatives.

-- Evaluate your alternatives. What are the facts?

-- Make a preliminary decision.

-- Assess the risk. What could go wrong here?

-- Make the final decision.

-- Test the decision.

This multi-step matrix offers a number of benefits. What I like is that it maximizes objectivity, minimizes bias and helps defuse emotion-based disagreements. If you and your spouse discuss and apply it carefully, you separate the relevant data from the trivial. That can provide direction for your thinking and set the stage for comfortable consensus.

Q: After the loss of my first marriage, I'm finally ready to remarry. But my intended spouse's children are against the marriage -- in fact, they seem to hate me. What do you suggest?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: It's never easy to enter into a second marriage and blend a new family. In fact, research shows that a majority of remarriages involving children end in another divorce. Obviously, without detailed knowledge about the dynamics involved, I'm in no position to make definitive statements concerning your chances of success. But if the kids are openly opposed to the marriage, at the very least you can likely expect an even rougher ride than the average couple in your situation.

What I can tell you is that you'll need to approach this situation with extreme care -- and a lot of prayer. An unsuspecting stepparent may be suddenly confronted with a whole set of longstanding alliances and power struggles within the existing (but fractured) household. If you decide to move forward with your plans, you'll need to work extra-hard to overcome the barriers and develop positive bonds with your new stepchildren.

That means taking a sincere interest in the kids and spending lots of one-on-one time with each of them -- even if your initial efforts are rebuffed or, at best, barely tolerated. In particular, you'll want to take special care to praise the children at every opportunity, instead of simply punishing them when they misbehave. In other words, make an intentional effort to "catch them being good."

Because of the unique challenges involved, I strongly recommend that those who are planning to remarry and blend a family should seek professional counseling well before the wedding. Couples who attempt to go it alone are often just setting themselves up for frustration and failure.

Expectations, roles and parenting styles should be clarified and openly discussed with the help of an experienced marriage and family therapist. It won't be easy, but it's part of the challenge of building a successful blended family. Our staff counselors would be more than happy to help you get started; call 855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My grandfather has been battling cancer, but unfortunately is in the final stages -- it won't be long. He wants to see my two young children. But the illness and treatments have dramatically affected his appearance, and I'm afraid the kids would find the experience very upsetting. What do you advise?

Jim: I understand your dilemma; this is a tough decision. You want to honor your grandfather's wishes, but you're concerned about protecting your children from fear and pain.

On the whole, I take the view that death is part of life. So with appropriate preparation, I think it would be a positive thing to allow your children to say goodbye to their great-grandfather. That's especially true if they've enjoyed a good relationship with him to this point.

Be fully honest with the kids about what's happening. Use age-appropriate language to let them know that great-grandpa is very sick. Explain that people sometimes get so sick that their bodies don't work right anymore -- and that can make them look very different than they used to. If your grandfather's illness has caused him to lose a lot of weight, and/or what hair he had, you may want to talk about this beforehand. Lay it all out in a calm, non-threatening way. If you appear to be fearful or anxious, your children will pick up on it and they'll be afraid as well.

Of course, there's also a faith-based aspect. While most young children don't have the capacity to grasp abstract concepts like death and eternity, this is an opportunity to lay the groundwork for further discussion of these topics as the little ones mature. But for now, keep the conversation simple and geared to your children's needs and their level of insight. We have numerous resources to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I'm worried about cultural influences on my preteen. How can I maintain parental influence in a world competing to take it away?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: The tide of culture can make it feel like your child is slowly being taken out of your hands. While it's inevitable that your child will experience things you do not wish them to, that doesn't mean you've lost your essential place as a parent. Research confirms that moms and dads have the most powerful influence on their child's overall development.

Here are four foundational ways to maintain that influence:

1. Foster a close relationship. Invest time in playing, having conversations, answering questions, taking walks, laughing and experiencing life together with your child. Time and attention open the door to influence and guidance.

2. Establish and communicate core values. Teach your preteen what your family's values are. Give examples of how to live out those values in their life and talk about what to do if those values come under attack.

3. Pursue deeper conversations. Your preteen will see and hear things out in the world that are out of your control. But you can prepare them with the truth so that when they face problematic ideas, they have a firm foundation to stand on. The tendency is to panic when things feel out of control. Lean in and guide instead!

4. Establish clear limits and rules with sensitivity and warmth. Validate your preteen's desire to belong and to feel a sense of worth and competence. They need you to be an understanding guide pursuing wisdom, not a friend who is only interested in making them happy or avoiding uncomfortable conversations.

Remember that every child is unique and that your child's needs may differ from others. To explore more practical parenting tips, make sure to visit FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My wife and I love our three children. But with all the activity surrounding the kids, our marriage isn't as fun as it used to be. Is that normal?

Jim: Well, I'd have to say your scenario is common. When you were dating, engaged, and then beginning your marriage, you and your spouse were probably able to schedule everything around the time you spent together. But with children in the mix, your marriage has likely dropped down the priority list. Laundry, dentist appointments, school programs, sports practices -- those immediate concerns can suck up your time and energy.

In short, I suspect your home has become child-focused. Now, a child-focused home might seem like a good idea, because parenting is vitally important. Children need Mom and Dad to be engaged -- they need your attention, your affection and your affirmation.

But if everything -- including your marriage -- revolves around the children, your home is out of balance. The understandable desire to be a great parent becomes counterproductive when it overshadows your desire to be a great spouse. A strong marriage is one of the greatest gifts you can offer your children. It's the foundation of their stability and confidence in life and will benefit them throughout their lives. Numerous studies over the years have conclusively shown that kids thrive best in situations where Mom and Dad are together in the home and deeply committed to one another. That's not always possible, of course, but's it's certainly the optimum.

So my advice is to make a point of protecting your marriage. Love and serve one another. Make time for your spouse, even while you're both laboring to raise your children together. The bottom line is that everyone in the household benefits from a marriage-focused home.

Q: My husband and I loved our dog and were heartbroken when we had to have her put down a few months ago. I'm ready for another pet, but my husband is still grieving. I think he needs to just get over it and open up his heart again, so I'm tempted to bring home a cute puppy. I'm sure he'll come around when he sees it. What do you think?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I think you should tread carefully. While you might be right about your husband's initial reaction to a new puppy, I wouldn't advise bringing one home unannounced -- for two reasons.

First, I'm sure your heart is in the right place and you obviously care about your husband. But the message this move would send is "You -- and your feelings -- don't matter." Respect is a significant aspect of any relationship; it's particularly essential in marriage. If a husband or wife experiences and senses disrespect from their mate, then trust, emotional safety and (ultimately) intimacy are compromised. You likely don't mean to be disrespectful. Still, dropping something like that on him without discussing it first, and agreeing on it, just isn't worth it.

Second, while those who don't have pets may not understand this, losing a beloved animal can be a deeply painful and profound loss. Where loss occurs, grief must follow. But grief isn't a one-size-fits-all formula -- everyone moves through it differently and at their own pace. If the process isn't allowed to play out to its conclusion -- leading to accepting the reality of the situation -- it can have detrimental effects on a person's emotional, spiritual and even physical health.

With all that in mind, I'd encourage you to be patient. Empathize with your husband and approach this as an opportunity to love him and hurt with him through a difficult time. That, in turn, will nurture and strengthen the bonds of your marriage -- ultimately drawing you closer together.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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