Q: My grandfather has been battling cancer, but unfortunately is in the final stages -- it won't be long. He wants to see my two young children. But the illness and treatments have dramatically affected his appearance, and I'm afraid the kids would find the experience very upsetting. What do you advise?

Jim: I understand your dilemma; this is a tough decision. You want to honor your grandfather's wishes, but you're concerned about protecting your children from fear and pain.

On the whole, I take the view that death is part of life. So with appropriate preparation, I think it would be a positive thing to allow your children to say goodbye to their great-grandfather. That's especially true if they've enjoyed a good relationship with him to this point.

Be fully honest with the kids about what's happening. Use age-appropriate language to let them know that great-grandpa is very sick. Explain that people sometimes get so sick that their bodies don't work right anymore -- and that can make them look very different than they used to. If your grandfather's illness has caused him to lose a lot of weight, and/or what hair he had, you may want to talk about this beforehand. Lay it all out in a calm, non-threatening way. If you appear to be fearful or anxious, your children will pick up on it and they'll be afraid as well.

Of course, there's also a faith-based aspect. While most young children don't have the capacity to grasp abstract concepts like death and eternity, this is an opportunity to lay the groundwork for further discussion of these topics as the little ones mature. But for now, keep the conversation simple and geared to your children's needs and their level of insight. We have numerous resources to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I'm worried about cultural influences on my preteen. How can I maintain parental influence in a world competing to take it away?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: The tide of culture can make it feel like your child is slowly being taken out of your hands. While it's inevitable that your child will experience things you do not wish them to, that doesn't mean you've lost your essential place as a parent. Research confirms that moms and dads have the most powerful influence on their child's overall development.

Here are four foundational ways to maintain that influence:

1. Foster a close relationship. Invest time in playing, having conversations, answering questions, taking walks, laughing and experiencing life together with your child. Time and attention open the door to influence and guidance.

2. Establish and communicate core values. Teach your preteen what your family's values are. Give examples of how to live out those values in their life and talk about what to do if those values come under attack.

3. Pursue deeper conversations. Your preteen will see and hear things out in the world that are out of your control. But you can prepare them with the truth so that when they face problematic ideas, they have a firm foundation to stand on. The tendency is to panic when things feel out of control. Lean in and guide instead!

4. Establish clear limits and rules with sensitivity and warmth. Validate your preteen's desire to belong and to feel a sense of worth and competence. They need you to be an understanding guide pursuing wisdom, not a friend who is only interested in making them happy or avoiding uncomfortable conversations.

Remember that every child is unique and that your child's needs may differ from others. To explore more practical parenting tips, make sure to visit FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My wife and I love our three children. But with all the activity surrounding the kids, our marriage isn't as fun as it used to be. Is that normal?

Jim: Well, I'd have to say your scenario is common. When you were dating, engaged, and then beginning your marriage, you and your spouse were probably able to schedule everything around the time you spent together. But with children in the mix, your marriage has likely dropped down the priority list. Laundry, dentist appointments, school programs, sports practices -- those immediate concerns can suck up your time and energy.

In short, I suspect your home has become child-focused. Now, a child-focused home might seem like a good idea, because parenting is vitally important. Children need Mom and Dad to be engaged -- they need your attention, your affection and your affirmation.

But if everything -- including your marriage -- revolves around the children, your home is out of balance. The understandable desire to be a great parent becomes counterproductive when it overshadows your desire to be a great spouse. A strong marriage is one of the greatest gifts you can offer your children. It's the foundation of their stability and confidence in life and will benefit them throughout their lives. Numerous studies over the years have conclusively shown that kids thrive best in situations where Mom and Dad are together in the home and deeply committed to one another. That's not always possible, of course, but's it's certainly the optimum.

So my advice is to make a point of protecting your marriage. Love and serve one another. Make time for your spouse, even while you're both laboring to raise your children together. The bottom line is that everyone in the household benefits from a marriage-focused home.

Q: My husband and I loved our dog and were heartbroken when we had to have her put down a few months ago. I'm ready for another pet, but my husband is still grieving. I think he needs to just get over it and open up his heart again, so I'm tempted to bring home a cute puppy. I'm sure he'll come around when he sees it. What do you think?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I think you should tread carefully. While you might be right about your husband's initial reaction to a new puppy, I wouldn't advise bringing one home unannounced -- for two reasons.

First, I'm sure your heart is in the right place and you obviously care about your husband. But the message this move would send is "You -- and your feelings -- don't matter." Respect is a significant aspect of any relationship; it's particularly essential in marriage. If a husband or wife experiences and senses disrespect from their mate, then trust, emotional safety and (ultimately) intimacy are compromised. You likely don't mean to be disrespectful. Still, dropping something like that on him without discussing it first, and agreeing on it, just isn't worth it.

Second, while those who don't have pets may not understand this, losing a beloved animal can be a deeply painful and profound loss. Where loss occurs, grief must follow. But grief isn't a one-size-fits-all formula -- everyone moves through it differently and at their own pace. If the process isn't allowed to play out to its conclusion -- leading to accepting the reality of the situation -- it can have detrimental effects on a person's emotional, spiritual and even physical health.

With all that in mind, I'd encourage you to be patient. Empathize with your husband and approach this as an opportunity to love him and hurt with him through a difficult time. That, in turn, will nurture and strengthen the bonds of your marriage -- ultimately drawing you closer together.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My husband and I work hard to teach our kids to be content with what they (and we) have. But whenever they visit my parents, that concept just flies out the window. Grandma and Grandpa fill them with soda and candy, buy whatever they ask for, and generally just give in to our kids' every whim. What can we do?

Jim: It's been semi-jokingly said that spoiling the grandkids is Job No. 1 for grandparents. But even the most well-meaning grandparents can occasionally go too far.

I suggest that you take your parents out for dinner and a heart-to-heart talk. Let them know how much you love and appreciate them. Then ease in to the heavier business of the evening. Assure your folks that you're grateful for their kindness and generosity toward your children. But also remind them that too much of a good thing can make it harder for your kids to keep their desires for "more" in check.

Admittedly, that conversation will take courage on your part. But if you handle it with respect and love, I think most grandparents will respond with understanding. There's a decent chance your folks don't even realize how their well-meaning actions undermine what you're trying to emphasize to your kids. So be honest, but respectful, and I think you and your parents will likely wind up on the same page.

You can even take this a step further by strategizing with Grandpa and Grandma about ways they can be proactively involved in reinforcing the lessons you're trying to convey to your children. For example, if one of the kids is trying to save money to buy something special, it's better for all concerned if the child earns some money from Grandpa by doing an age-appropriate job -- instead of just receiving a handout.

For more tips to help your family thrive, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Our family is so busy! How can we balance activities, school, and home in healthy ways?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: This is a challenge for most families! There are so many demands and responsibilities mixed in with exciting opportunities. It's hard to know when to say "yes" or "no" along the way. So press the brakes, seek wisdom, and take inventory of what is there. We tend to let urgency dictate our calendars, but try to distinguish what is important in the grand scheme of things from what seems urgent right now.

Here are three things you can do to balance activities, school, and home:

1. Prioritize. Ask your child what they value and build your priorities together. Explore needs and wants, discuss the ranking order of each, and embrace the power of "yes" and "no." I recommend that families build in some daily, weekly and monthly rhythms. For example, daily meals, weekly family celebrations or family nights, and a monthly dinner or activity out as a family (i.e., a bike ride or a walk).

2. Set Expectations. Agree on ground rules with your child ahead of time and make sure the expectations for each activity are clear. How many activities are you committing to each season? Does your child know how much time they have after school before leaving for an activity? Do chores or homework need to be completed before participating in activities? Making these boundaries and expectations clear will put you and your child on the same page.

3. Value Rest and Relationship. Your child doesn't have to do everything. It's OK. Let them miss some things, if needed. Remember, downtime and relational time are just as valuable to a child's development as any school, home or extracurricular activity.

For more information about balancing life as a parent, visit FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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