Q: My husband and I work hard to teach our kids to be content with what they (and we) have. But whenever they visit my parents, that concept just flies out the window. Grandma and Grandpa fill them with soda and candy, buy whatever they ask for, and generally just give in to our kids' every whim. What can we do?

Jim: It's been semi-jokingly said that spoiling the grandkids is Job No. 1 for grandparents. But even the most well-meaning grandparents can occasionally go too far.

I suggest that you take your parents out for dinner and a heart-to-heart talk. Let them know how much you love and appreciate them. Then ease in to the heavier business of the evening. Assure your folks that you're grateful for their kindness and generosity toward your children. But also remind them that too much of a good thing can make it harder for your kids to keep their desires for "more" in check.

Admittedly, that conversation will take courage on your part. But if you handle it with respect and love, I think most grandparents will respond with understanding. There's a decent chance your folks don't even realize how their well-meaning actions undermine what you're trying to emphasize to your kids. So be honest, but respectful, and I think you and your parents will likely wind up on the same page.

You can even take this a step further by strategizing with Grandpa and Grandma about ways they can be proactively involved in reinforcing the lessons you're trying to convey to your children. For example, if one of the kids is trying to save money to buy something special, it's better for all concerned if the child earns some money from Grandpa by doing an age-appropriate job -- instead of just receiving a handout.

For more tips to help your family thrive, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Our family is so busy! How can we balance activities, school, and home in healthy ways?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: This is a challenge for most families! There are so many demands and responsibilities mixed in with exciting opportunities. It's hard to know when to say "yes" or "no" along the way. So press the brakes, seek wisdom, and take inventory of what is there. We tend to let urgency dictate our calendars, but try to distinguish what is important in the grand scheme of things from what seems urgent right now.

Here are three things you can do to balance activities, school, and home:

1. Prioritize. Ask your child what they value and build your priorities together. Explore needs and wants, discuss the ranking order of each, and embrace the power of "yes" and "no." I recommend that families build in some daily, weekly and monthly rhythms. For example, daily meals, weekly family celebrations or family nights, and a monthly dinner or activity out as a family (i.e., a bike ride or a walk).

2. Set Expectations. Agree on ground rules with your child ahead of time and make sure the expectations for each activity are clear. How many activities are you committing to each season? Does your child know how much time they have after school before leaving for an activity? Do chores or homework need to be completed before participating in activities? Making these boundaries and expectations clear will put you and your child on the same page.

3. Value Rest and Relationship. Your child doesn't have to do everything. It's OK. Let them miss some things, if needed. Remember, downtime and relational time are just as valuable to a child's development as any school, home or extracurricular activity.

For more information about balancing life as a parent, visit FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: When I was a teen girl, I was concerned about my appearance. But our 13-year-old daughter seems almost obsessed about how she looks. She locks herself in the bathroom until she gets makeup, hair and clothes perfect. I was never THAT bad. What can my husband and I do to help her keep her perspective?

Jim: No doubt, teens today -- and especially girls -- are pressured from all directions about image and appearance. Social media has made things exponentially worse. That means you'll need a proactive strategy for helping your daughter balance her desire for outer beauty with her inner self-confidence.

Where many parents fall short is in not having a plan. Mom tells Dad, "You need to talk to her." Dad punts back to Mom, "You're a woman. This is your territory." But your precious girl needs to hear frequent affirmation from BOTH of you. Remind her that she's lovely. Fill her soul with words of encouragement that bring her heart to life.

That said, what your daughter SEES from you is just as important as what she HEARS from you. Mom, she's watching how much emphasis you place on outer appearance and how positively -- or negatively -- you talk about yourself. Dad, your girl definitely notices how you treat women. If you objectify females, she may believe it's OK for men to treat her the same way.

My suggestion: Avoid over-emphasizing your daughter's outer or inner beauty. Address her as a whole person. Teach her that she's a uniquely created human being with a body, a soul and a spirit. Help her to balance what she sees in the mirror with who she is on the inside. That's how she'll discover genuine happiness.

In closing, I'd strongly recommend our organization's BRIO magazine for teen girls. Call 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) or see FocusOnTheFamily.com for details.

Q: I'm "recently single again" after years in a difficult relationship. I've made a lot of progress in healing to the point where I'm ready to think about getting romantically involved again. But I feel rusty and out of practice dating-wise. I'm not even sure at this point what sort of person to look for; only perhaps what type to hopefully avoid. Do you have any advice?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I think far too many single adults rely on feelings in their dating pursuits, rather than strategically thinking things through.

You probably know this intellectually, but it bears repeating: The most important quality of any individual is character. A person may be outwardly attractive and have a charming personality or intelligence. But if there's no character behind the veneer, in the long-term it will be difficult (if not impossible) to form a meaningful and lasting bond.

The only way to get to know someone's character is to spend a lot of time together. And that requires patience. Do the hard work of first building an authentic friendship with someone of the opposite sex based on points in common. Over time, you'll discover the truth about one another's values and attitudes. That knowledge and familiarity will inform your decision whether to take the relationship beyond mere friendship.

To clarify: The point isn't to find someone who's perfect, because nobody is. It's to get a sense of who that person truly is (and who they're striving to be). Because in the long run, a person lacking solid character will definitely not be a good dating prospect -- no matter how smart, successful or attractive they may appear.

By the way, Focus on the Family has a fantastic outreach addressing young adult life topics -- including relationships --from a faith-based perspective; see Boundless.org.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: Whether I'm just talking to other people, or especially watching social media, it seems like their families are perfect. The kids are happy and always behave, everybody's loving and nobody has any real problems. But MY family -- HAH! What am I missing?

Jim: I think most of us have looked at the social media feeds for friends, coworkers or folks at church and thought, "Wow, they have everything together." But here's the truth: They don't.

We're all prone to wearing a face publicly that ONLY shows us in our best and happiest times. Everything else we keep private. Jean and I didn't take pictures of our sons when they brought home a bad grade from school. We don't pose for selfies in the middle of arguing with each other. I expect you don't record -- much less post or share -- those less-than-perfect moments, either. Nor do your friends and family.

What we see -- and let others see -- are the carefully curated highlights. Many of those smiling children pictured on Instagram probably talk back to their parents. And I'm sure those moms and dads snap at their kids from time to time instead of patiently listening. That perfect recipe probably took several tries before the results were post-worthy. In fact, those folks might even have weeds in their lawn!

Perfect families simply don't exist. And even if they did, I'm certainly not the guy who could tell you how to become one. But you and I are both fortunate because the goal isn't perfection. The goal is a family that is progressing toward being strong and healthy. That means Dad, Mom and all the kids love each other and handle their problems with respect and patience. Anybody -- everybody -- can work toward that. And we have lots of resources to help you do it at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Bedtime is such a struggle for me and my kids. What can I do to make this nightly process easier?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Most experts agree on the various reasons why bedtime can be a struggle for young kids. They often resist going to bed because they want to spend time with their parents or siblings. Or, it's because they're anxious about separation from you during the night.

In some cases, bedtime is difficult because a child lacks self-control or has self-regulation issues. Sometimes their personality traits can present unique challenges.

Here are some pointers to help ease bedtime battles.

-- The Power of Routines.

Establishing a bedtime routine helps your child know what to expect as they get ready for bed. Having a routine they can trust -- which includes you -- can be reassuring. Since kids tend to have less self-control at bedtime, they can be impulsive or easily distracted. Routines and bedtime checklists can help keep them on track.

-- Practice Positivity.

In some cases, your child might struggle with negative thoughts as nighttime approaches. Positive activities can help, such as one I call "high fives". In high five, put your hand up as if you're going to wave. Then have your child pull each finger down as you tell them something fun you want to do with them. This can become something they look forward to -- perhaps even the best part of their day.

-- Use Their Imagination.

Get creative by using your child's imagination to your advantage. For example, set up their favorite stuffed animals as "watchers" near the closet or door to watch their room during the night. Giving your child a sense of control over the environment (their room) helps ease fears or worries about bedtime.

For more insights about making bedtime special and meaningful instead of a struggle, go to FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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