Q: I'm newly married and a soon-to-be dad. I never knew my own father. So, it's intimidating to think about teaching my son to be "manly." What does "manliness" really look like?

Jim: There's a regrettably common misperception that "manliness" equates to brute power and strength. But when it comes to being a good husband and father, I'd suggest something else. How about "sacrifice"?

I know: A lot of guys consider "sacrifice" to be weakness. That's unfortunate, because when you look at healthy families, you generally see a common trait: sacrificial men. These are the guys who show up at their kids' soccer game even if they'd rather stay home and watch football. They're patient with their children when a bike gets left in the rain for the umpteenth time. Men who sacrifice develop stronger, more loving family relationships.

Really, it's a paradox. We're at our strongest when we lay down our lives, even in small ways, for our wives and children. That's hard to do, and we don't always do it well. But that's why it's called "sacrifice." The Golden Rule says to "treat others the way you want to be treated." That often -- usually -- requires humility and sacrifice.

We fathers have to challenge ourselves to sacrifice for our families. We should not only tell them we love them. We need to show them that they're the most important people in the world to us. It could be getting home early for a date night dinner with your wife. Maybe it's curbing your temper and lovingly correcting your child when they're careless and scratch your car. Sacrifice will lead you to make significant decisions. But being a dad is a very significant experience.

For help with your fathering, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I think my marriage is pretty good, although my wife doesn't always do things the way I'd like. When I try to talk about such things and make suggestions, she just shuts down. Am I missing something? How can I get her to see my point of view?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: We all want our lives to function in ways that suit us. It might be our very specific coffee order or keeping our home at a certain temperature. And when something doesn't work the way we like, we usually try to control it.

Unfortunately, many people take a similar approach to marriage. Controlling behavior can often occur because one spouse doesn't feel loved and validated by the other. So, they try to control their spouse's actions to ensure they get the relationship they want. But taking charge over your spouse doesn't foster connection and love. It actually destroys it -- because control erodes the very foundation of the marital relationship, which comes from partnership and oneness.

Here's the blunt truth: If you try to control your spouse, you're in danger of losing your marriage. A spouse who feels controlled will eventually try to escape. That may be through an affair, a divorce or, at the very least, spending all their time with friends or in another part of the house.

So, here's the cure: Give up the role of "boss" and start cultivating a relationship of openness and warmth. That obviously requires give-and-take, and likely includes some compromises. It may well (probably) take the help of a professional counselor. But when a couple learns healthy ways to connect and become equals, they're on their way to a strong and healthy marriage.

If you need some help getting started and would like to talk to one of our staff counselors (which I would strongly recommend), call 855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've noticed that many -- most? -- people seem to have lost the ability to apologize when they say or do something rude or even offensive. Whatever happened to common courtesy? I'd be interested to hear what you think.

Jim: Two of the hardest words in the English language to say might be "I'm sorry." And that's regrettable -- because when they're spoken with sincerity, those words can bring healing to almost any relationship.

Notice I said "with sincerity." It's not difficult to speak the words, but it can be tough to truly mean them. That's probably because we understand that to apologize is to accept responsibility for ill-spoken words or bad behavior. It requires a heart posture of humility -- which can often be confused with giving someone else the upper hand over us. That's why some people view an apology as a weakness.

It's also why people all too often offer "apologies" that have been stripped of any real meaning. We minimize the severity of our actions or blame our behavior on others. We might say all the right words but dilute them with sarcasm or humor. Whatever the method, we all recognize it when we see it. The result is always the same: the appearance of an apology without the substance of one.

Perhaps it's a pervasive sense of entitlement, a growing lack of responsibility or the anonymity of the internet bleeding over into daily life. Regardless, this trend is a problem.

Far from being a weakness, a heartfelt apology requires strength because it demands sincerity and humility on behalf of the person offering it. And that's the secret. Mending a damaged relationship has little to do with the words we use to express our regret. The healing comes from the authenticity we pour into our words and actions.

Q: How do I show grace to my children even when they don't deserve it?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Kids will struggle in life at every age and stage. They'll make mistakes in judgment and decision-making (just like their parents). They'll hurt others and say inappropriate things (ditto). But grace gives children the freedom to make those mistakes and not crumble.

It's important to remember that just because your child has room to make mistakes doesn't mean there aren't consequences for their decisions. Showing grace to your kids doesn't mean you lower your standards or rules in your home.

Here are a few ways you can model grace to support your child's development.

Be on the same page.

Staying on the same page as your spouse with discipline is critical to showing grace in your home. When both parents agree on how to show grace, they communicate the power of unity and honesty. True grace offers discipline with respect and understanding for your child's feelings.

Rebuilding trust.

When you model grace, you help your child understand what's necessary to rebuild trust in their relationships. Children in grace-based homes don't feel the need to guard their feelings and emotions. In other words, they learn how to share their feelings without fear that they'll be ignored or attacked.

Give the gift.

Ultimately, grace is a gift. If you want to receive grace, you must also learn how to give it. When approaching your child with grace, start small. Focus on ways to show your kids grace with their low-stakes errors. When the more impactful mistakes arrive, you can rely on the habit of showing grace to your kids.

The presence of grace and forgiveness supports the building of a mentally healthy home. To learn more to benefit your family, go to FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My father walked out on our family when I was a little kid. Now that I'm an adult, I could really use his input -- but he's not here for me. How can I get past this pain?

Jim: First of all, if your mother is available, I'd suggest you tell her that you're having a hard time right now. She might still be dealing with her own stuff, but she could have important insights to share about your dad's background and behavior. That wouldn't excuse his leaving, but it might help explain it.

It could also be worth investigating to see if your mom, other relatives or family friends might have your father's contact information. If someone can give that to you, think about writing him a letter.

Take whatever time you need to think and pray about it, then write when you feel ready. Express your feelings openly and honestly. Ask any questions that are on your mind. Let him know what it would mean to you if he would respond. Obviously, there's no guarantee that he'll answer, but it's worth a try. And whether he even receives or reads the letter, the process of writing things out can be beneficial for you, too. Putting our deepest thoughts and emotions down on paper can be a healing experience.

Whatever happens, remember the real Easter message of renewal: God loves us so much that He went to immeasurable lengths to repair our fractured relationship with Him. He understands the pain you've experienced as a result of being abandoned by your earthly dad. Psalm 68:5 tells us that God is a "father to the fatherless." Turn to Him with your pain.

If you'd like to talk to someone about this, our staff counselors at Focus on the Family would be honored to take your call at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My marriage is essentially dead after almost 18 years. My husband and I are both just done with it. However, we have agreed to stay together until our two children (ages 15 and 13) are both out of the house. That will at least be a positive for the kids, right?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Many couples on the verge of divorce say the same thing, and a number of studies would suggest they're right. BUT there's a whole lot more at stake here.

Children whose biological mother and father stay married are less likely to get involved in a variety of problematic behaviors. These kids are also more likely to complete college and to enjoy a successful marriage of their own. Those are the types of positive results we all want for our children. It all starts with keeping your marriage together.

However, an even better approach is to get your relationship on a path toward healing. Kids know if you're just going through the motions; "staying together" but fighting every night in front of them is counterproductive. Ongoing conflict in your home can unravel all the good you're trying to do on their behalf.

A healthy home environment is one where children see Mom and Dad working through your differences and living out the love that first drew you together. Don't "stay together for the kids' sake" only to stay miserable in your marriage. Get professional help for your problems and find some common ground.

If you and your husband are both willing to try, I strongly suggest one of our Hope Restored Marriage Intensives (HopeRestored.FocusOnTheFamily.com). At minimum, please call our counselors at the number above.

You and your spouse don't have to be strangers living together under the same roof. Do the whole family a favor -- stay together and get your marriage healthy.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.