Q: My father walked out on our family when I was a little kid. Now that I'm an adult, I could really use his input -- but he's not here for me. How can I get past this pain?

Jim: First of all, if your mother is available, I'd suggest you tell her that you're having a hard time right now. She might still be dealing with her own stuff, but she could have important insights to share about your dad's background and behavior. That wouldn't excuse his leaving, but it might help explain it.

It could also be worth investigating to see if your mom, other relatives or family friends might have your father's contact information. If someone can give that to you, think about writing him a letter.

Take whatever time you need to think and pray about it, then write when you feel ready. Express your feelings openly and honestly. Ask any questions that are on your mind. Let him know what it would mean to you if he would respond. Obviously, there's no guarantee that he'll answer, but it's worth a try. And whether he even receives or reads the letter, the process of writing things out can be beneficial for you, too. Putting our deepest thoughts and emotions down on paper can be a healing experience.

Whatever happens, remember the real Easter message of renewal: God loves us so much that He went to immeasurable lengths to repair our fractured relationship with Him. He understands the pain you've experienced as a result of being abandoned by your earthly dad. Psalm 68:5 tells us that God is a "father to the fatherless." Turn to Him with your pain.

If you'd like to talk to someone about this, our staff counselors at Focus on the Family would be honored to take your call at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My marriage is essentially dead after almost 18 years. My husband and I are both just done with it. However, we have agreed to stay together until our two children (ages 15 and 13) are both out of the house. That will at least be a positive for the kids, right?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Many couples on the verge of divorce say the same thing, and a number of studies would suggest they're right. BUT there's a whole lot more at stake here.

Children whose biological mother and father stay married are less likely to get involved in a variety of problematic behaviors. These kids are also more likely to complete college and to enjoy a successful marriage of their own. Those are the types of positive results we all want for our children. It all starts with keeping your marriage together.

However, an even better approach is to get your relationship on a path toward healing. Kids know if you're just going through the motions; "staying together" but fighting every night in front of them is counterproductive. Ongoing conflict in your home can unravel all the good you're trying to do on their behalf.

A healthy home environment is one where children see Mom and Dad working through your differences and living out the love that first drew you together. Don't "stay together for the kids' sake" only to stay miserable in your marriage. Get professional help for your problems and find some common ground.

If you and your husband are both willing to try, I strongly suggest one of our Hope Restored Marriage Intensives (HopeRestored.FocusOnTheFamily.com). At minimum, please call our counselors at the number above.

You and your spouse don't have to be strangers living together under the same roof. Do the whole family a favor -- stay together and get your marriage healthy.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband and I have faced a lot of challenges the past couple of years. We're trying to dream together about our future, but it's a struggle to see past our current situation. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: It can (and should) be fun and energizing to think about the future. But there's a lot to be said for reflecting on your past, too – especially if you feel stuck.

Reminiscing is a valuable activity for couples to engage in from time to time. People form bonds from sharing experiences together, and that's especially true for husbands and wives. Your past is much more than a collection of random memories. It represents the journey you and your spouse have taken together, infusing your relationship with richness and meaning. And it's the launch pad for your next mission of discovery.

That's why reminiscing is helpful for those who have been married for a long time. Remembering the good times you've shared -- and the difficulties you've faced and overcome together -- is a healthy exercise. The reminder that you can make it by working as a team helps provide encouragement to hope for good times ahead.

But reminiscing is also for new couples. Obviously, newlyweds don't have many years' worth of shared experiences to reminisce about. But you do probably have a lot of good memories together from the months or years before you got engaged. Reflect on those times, even if they weren't that long ago.

Intimacy doesn't just magically develop in the newness of a relationship. It's cultivated over the miles you travel together through life. So, take time to share and enjoy memories about when you first met, your first date or other key stories from your relationship. These crucial building blocks form the foundation of your future.

Q: My daughter is obsessed with doing everything perfectly. How do I help her overcome her perfectionism?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: It can be so easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism. Appearing like you have it all together might feel good in the moment but can quickly lead to feeling drained emotionally and mentally.

For our kids, the pressure to be perfect comes from a few different directions. They might crave affirmation and approval from their friends. Or children can feel like they need to change who they are to be accepted by their family.

Here are a few ways that you can help your child overcome the pressure to be perfect.

1. Look at your relationships.

Combatting perfectionism in your home begins with examining the central relationships in your child's life, especially the ones they observe the most often. That's why it's important to look at yourself and your relationship with your spouse. Are either of you perfectionists? How might your perfectionist tendencies influence your children? What can you do to overcome these moments in your home?

2. Reframing failure.

In your child's mind, her failures can signal the end of the world. Failure is usually associated with absolutes like "never, always, and forever." But it's important that you model how failure can create opportunities for perseverance, as well as to show genuine love to others.

3. The role of love.

Kids are quick to notice their imperfections and shortcomings. But they're not as quick to focus on the positive parts of their personality and talents. Your commitment to showing genuine, unconditional love -- especially when your child feels imperfect -- is critical to help them learn how to resist allowing perfectionism to rule their life.

To explore more about overcoming perfectionism in your home, go to FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our son is 17 years old and he has a drinking problem; at this point I'd call him a full-blown alcoholic. This situation is tearing our household apart. Help!

Jim: I'm very sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, even in loving families that hold strong values there are no guarantees that alcoholism or some other type of substance abuse won't affect one or more of the children. Our professional staff counselors have several recommendations for cases like this.

First, you've made a good start by asking for help. Ignoring or denying the problem will likely just make things worse.

Second, don't allow yourselves to become burdened by false guilt. Most parents assume extensive self-blame when an addiction surfaces in their home.

Third, don't look for (or expect) quick-fix solutions. True healing can't begin until your son comes to understand the roots of his addiction and his responsibility to change. This is often a long process requiring a great deal of patience and perseverance on your part.

The good news is that you don't have to face this alone -- effective help is available. I strongly recommend that you seek professional counseling as a family. The most successful treatment programs involve a thorough evaluation with therapy in an environment of community and accountability. Our counseling team can provide referrals to helpful programs and qualified therapists in your area; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

If the situation continues to escalate, an extensive intervention may be the most constructive and loving thing you can do. Options might include an inpatient detox treatment center, a youth residential program or other structured therapeutic plan where he has a change of living environment in order to gain new skills and social support. Applying boundaries and "tough love" could be necessary -- including the possibility of turning your teen over to the police if criminal activity is involved. He may have to face the consequences of his behavior before he will be motivated to change.

Q: My boyfriend and I want to get married -- eventually. Friends and co-workers have told us that living together for a few years will help us prepare before making things "official." What's your take on this idea?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: The short version is: bad idea. It seems like many people consider living together to be the new form of engagement. But research conclusively shows that the divorce rates for those who live together before marriage are significantly higher than for those who don't.

The reason cohabitation is a risky venture is because there's no commitment holding the relationship together. Basically, two people are saying to one another, "I'll hang out with you as long as you make me happy." That's obviously a tenuous foundation to build a life on. It puts doubt and mistrust into the very DNA of your relationship from square one. In other words, you're actually sabotaging your marriage before you even walk down the aisle.

I think that fear of commitment is actually why many young adults are choosing to "just live together." Maybe their parents divorced, or they've been swayed by negative messages about marriage in the culture. Whatever the reason, I believe these couples truly want to get married and stay married. But they don't realize that with a little help they can learn how to build a successful relationship.

Consider this: 80% of couples who get quality premarital training stay married. That high percentage of success shows that there is a way for couples to make a lasting commitment to one another. We have tons of resources to help; I'd strongly encourage you to begin the journey by going to FocusOnTheFamily.com/Marriage/Ready-to-Wed.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.