Q: My husband and I have faced a lot of challenges the past couple of years. We're trying to dream together about our future, but it's a struggle to see past our current situation. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: It can (and should) be fun and energizing to think about the future. But there's a lot to be said for reflecting on your past, too – especially if you feel stuck.

Reminiscing is a valuable activity for couples to engage in from time to time. People form bonds from sharing experiences together, and that's especially true for husbands and wives. Your past is much more than a collection of random memories. It represents the journey you and your spouse have taken together, infusing your relationship with richness and meaning. And it's the launch pad for your next mission of discovery.

That's why reminiscing is helpful for those who have been married for a long time. Remembering the good times you've shared -- and the difficulties you've faced and overcome together -- is a healthy exercise. The reminder that you can make it by working as a team helps provide encouragement to hope for good times ahead.

But reminiscing is also for new couples. Obviously, newlyweds don't have many years' worth of shared experiences to reminisce about. But you do probably have a lot of good memories together from the months or years before you got engaged. Reflect on those times, even if they weren't that long ago.

Intimacy doesn't just magically develop in the newness of a relationship. It's cultivated over the miles you travel together through life. So, take time to share and enjoy memories about when you first met, your first date or other key stories from your relationship. These crucial building blocks form the foundation of your future.

Q: My daughter is obsessed with doing everything perfectly. How do I help her overcome her perfectionism?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: It can be so easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism. Appearing like you have it all together might feel good in the moment but can quickly lead to feeling drained emotionally and mentally.

For our kids, the pressure to be perfect comes from a few different directions. They might crave affirmation and approval from their friends. Or children can feel like they need to change who they are to be accepted by their family.

Here are a few ways that you can help your child overcome the pressure to be perfect.

1. Look at your relationships.

Combatting perfectionism in your home begins with examining the central relationships in your child's life, especially the ones they observe the most often. That's why it's important to look at yourself and your relationship with your spouse. Are either of you perfectionists? How might your perfectionist tendencies influence your children? What can you do to overcome these moments in your home?

2. Reframing failure.

In your child's mind, her failures can signal the end of the world. Failure is usually associated with absolutes like "never, always, and forever." But it's important that you model how failure can create opportunities for perseverance, as well as to show genuine love to others.

3. The role of love.

Kids are quick to notice their imperfections and shortcomings. But they're not as quick to focus on the positive parts of their personality and talents. Your commitment to showing genuine, unconditional love -- especially when your child feels imperfect -- is critical to help them learn how to resist allowing perfectionism to rule their life.

To explore more about overcoming perfectionism in your home, go to FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our son is 17 years old and he has a drinking problem; at this point I'd call him a full-blown alcoholic. This situation is tearing our household apart. Help!

Jim: I'm very sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, even in loving families that hold strong values there are no guarantees that alcoholism or some other type of substance abuse won't affect one or more of the children. Our professional staff counselors have several recommendations for cases like this.

First, you've made a good start by asking for help. Ignoring or denying the problem will likely just make things worse.

Second, don't allow yourselves to become burdened by false guilt. Most parents assume extensive self-blame when an addiction surfaces in their home.

Third, don't look for (or expect) quick-fix solutions. True healing can't begin until your son comes to understand the roots of his addiction and his responsibility to change. This is often a long process requiring a great deal of patience and perseverance on your part.

The good news is that you don't have to face this alone -- effective help is available. I strongly recommend that you seek professional counseling as a family. The most successful treatment programs involve a thorough evaluation with therapy in an environment of community and accountability. Our counseling team can provide referrals to helpful programs and qualified therapists in your area; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

If the situation continues to escalate, an extensive intervention may be the most constructive and loving thing you can do. Options might include an inpatient detox treatment center, a youth residential program or other structured therapeutic plan where he has a change of living environment in order to gain new skills and social support. Applying boundaries and "tough love" could be necessary -- including the possibility of turning your teen over to the police if criminal activity is involved. He may have to face the consequences of his behavior before he will be motivated to change.

Q: My boyfriend and I want to get married -- eventually. Friends and co-workers have told us that living together for a few years will help us prepare before making things "official." What's your take on this idea?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: The short version is: bad idea. It seems like many people consider living together to be the new form of engagement. But research conclusively shows that the divorce rates for those who live together before marriage are significantly higher than for those who don't.

The reason cohabitation is a risky venture is because there's no commitment holding the relationship together. Basically, two people are saying to one another, "I'll hang out with you as long as you make me happy." That's obviously a tenuous foundation to build a life on. It puts doubt and mistrust into the very DNA of your relationship from square one. In other words, you're actually sabotaging your marriage before you even walk down the aisle.

I think that fear of commitment is actually why many young adults are choosing to "just live together." Maybe their parents divorced, or they've been swayed by negative messages about marriage in the culture. Whatever the reason, I believe these couples truly want to get married and stay married. But they don't realize that with a little help they can learn how to build a successful relationship.

Consider this: 80% of couples who get quality premarital training stay married. That high percentage of success shows that there is a way for couples to make a lasting commitment to one another. We have tons of resources to help; I'd strongly encourage you to begin the journey by going to FocusOnTheFamily.com/Marriage/Ready-to-Wed.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'd be interested in hearing your take on managing "little spats" in marriage. Sometimes my wife and I get into minor disagreements that escalate quickly. I think we're both at fault. One of us says something snippy, the other responds a bit angrier and a bit louder, back and forth it goes. Is this normal?

Jim: I think most couples know exactly what this is like. We certainly don't mean to escalate things, but it happens. A few years ago, I interviewed a relationship expert for our radio broadcast, and he called this "climbing the crazy ladder."

Disagreements in marriage (or any relationship) can be like racing up an emotional ladder. Here's the thing about ladders: You can go up fast, but coming down quickly is a lot harder. In other words, once a disagreement has escalated into a heated argument, it's much more difficult to calm things down.

Not to mention that you're usually unstable at the top of a ladder. Issues between a husband and wife just get harder to address when tensions (and vocal tones) rise.

So we need to stay off the crazy ladder -- not just for the sake of our marriages, but also for our children if we have them. There's plenty of research showing that kids suffer lifelong repercussions when they're exposed to chronic, poorly handled conflict.

The best advice is not to go up the crazy ladder in the first place. Learn how to remain calm and discuss your differences rationally. Resolve your problems in a way that strengthens your marriage instead of weakens it. The first step might be the willingness to acknowledge the situation: "Honey, we're climbing the crazy ladder again."

Focus on the Family offers many resources to help -- including a staff of professional counselors. See FocusOnTheFamily.com or call 855-771-HELP (4357) to arrange a free counseling consultation.

Q: My child seems stressed all the time. What can I do to help?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: It's normal for your child to feel a wide range of emotions such as fear, anger and worry. But when these emotions begin to affect your child's behavior and habits, there might be more significant problems.

Stress and anxiety are different but also cousins. In general, anxiety is characterized by persistent worries that don't ever seem to go away. On the other hand, stress is your child's natural and common response to situations they see as threatening or overwhelming.

Consider these three steps to help your stressed child.

Listen and Validate

Make sure to listen to what perceptions are in your child's "thought bubbles" -- thus causing some feelings and emotions. As you listen, most likely their feelings will make sense because emotions simply follow their thoughts. As you listen and understand, validate where they're at in the moment.

Guide

Recognize that you can provide important lessons on how to handle stress in healthy ways. I recommend developing a stress management menu to use when the child is feeling stressed. This menu can include taking a walk, reading, exercising, drawing, etc. Help them learn how to manage stress instead of being overwhelmed by it.

Support

This is where you get to pair your creativity with how your child best receives love and affection. Sometimes physical touch (like a hug) communicates support better than words. Other times, your child might simply need you to listen to them as they share their feelings.

If you think your child needs more help coping with increased or chronic stress, call our counseling line at 855-771-HELP (4357). And to learn more about creating a mentally healthy home for your family, go to FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.