Q: I can't believe how busy our family has become; we all seem to be going different directions at once. We're trying to make changes, but meanwhile, I'm concerned about staying connected with our children in what little "free time" we have. Help!

Jim: Parenting is a challenging endeavor, so it's easy to let the serious business fill every open space. But sometimes you just have to take time to be playful.

Let me share a personal example. When my sons were younger, I came home from work one day just as both boys came into the house from the backyard. Troy was limping, and Trent had a bruise on his chin, but they were both laughing like crazy. Naturally, I asked what happened. Troy said, "Mom got on the trampoline with us and she landed on my ankle." Trent chimed in: "Her knee smacked me right in the jaw."

Now, that playtime may not have gone perfectly, but it did have a positive outcome. First, it was a moment we all still laugh about. But far more importantly, Jean's playfulness drew the boys closer to her. The sore jaw and bum ankle are long forgotten, but my now-adult boys will always remember their mom taking time out of her busy schedule to play with them.

I think that's a great reminder for every parent. The pressures of adult life can make us a little too serious sometimes. Be playful. Play board games, throw the ball around, wrestle on the floor. Find something your children enjoy doing and join them. It'll deepen your relationship with them, and they'll see you as more than a disciplinarian or someone who cooks dinner and does the laundry. They'll identify you as someone who really enjoys spending time with them whenever you can. And to a child, that equals feeling loved.

Q: I've been with my girlfriend for more than two years. I love her and want to move toward marriage. She says she loves me, too, but she wants the freedom to see other guys. It's frustrating -- should I just move on?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: While the emotions you're wrestling are challenging, your decision really hinges on what you ultimately want. If you're at a place where you truly desire and are eager to be married, you may need to start looking elsewhere. Despite what we hear from movies or common romantic thought -- and contrary to what you're probably feeling -- there's no such thing as "the only one" when it comes to choosing a life mate. But if you're sold on this girl and willing to be patient, you can see if her heart eventually turns.

Either way, you might consider adjusting your current pattern of interacting with her. Any behavior on your part that suggests you're just hanging around waiting for her to see the light is counterproductive. A man who projects a humble sense of confidence, self-respect and independence is attractive and interesting to a woman. But a guy who acts like his life is meaningless without her is usually a major turnoff.

For starters, make it a point to work on self-improvement by pursuing activities that grow your mind and character -- reading good books, serving others, etc. Look for other quality women whose company you enjoy and spend time with them. You might be surprised what develops. You'd also be well-served to not be so available to the woman in question. There's a real chance that subconsciously she's taken your fondness for granted; a noticeable shift in your behavior just may cause her to reconsider.

We have a unique online resource for 20- and 30-somethings looking to handle life and relationships well; see Boundless.org.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: After the disruptions of the past couple of years, we're wanting to do something special for our kids' spring break from school. However, we don't have a lot of money to spend. Do you have any ideas for affordable ways to strengthen our relationships and have some good old-fashioned fun?

Jim: It seems like "spring break" has come to mean "skiing" or "trip to Florida" in many people's minds. But a lot of families can't afford expensive options like these, especially with young children in the mix. Fortunately, there are plenty of other things you can do with a week off from school.

The way I see it, the main purpose of spring break is to provide a needed pause in the schedule for students (and teachers) before things gear up for the hectic last couple months of school. When viewed that way, it's actually a relief to recognize that there's no need to pack the week with too many activities; in fact, doing so might be counterproductive. Far better to just make it an opportunity to chill out and spend some quality time as a family.

A few ideas:

-- Plan a couple of stay-at-home movie nights, or hit an afternoon matinee (see PluggedIn.com for film reviews).

-- Check out inexpensive attractions like local museums and art galleries.

-- Weather permitting, try to get outdoors as much as possible -- picnics, Frisbee in the park, hiking, a drive in the mountains, etc.

-- Reserve time to play, laugh, talk and dream together.

The best things in family life tend to happen when you aren't expecting them. So, I'd suggest keeping loose, staying open and leaving margin to just sit and listen to your kids. Let them tell you what they'd like to do and how they want to spend their time away from school. I predict you'll be glad you did.

Q: My daughter is entering high school and starting to show more interest in dating. How will I know if and when she is ready to date?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: I can still remember the first time my son asked my wife and me when he could start dating. Before he'd broached this question, we had many ongoing conversations on topics like friendships, sex, attraction and relationships that I hoped would prepare him for this new stage of life.

There's no universal way to know if your teen is ready for dating. But even if you've never had conversations about these topics with your teen before, it's never too late to start.

As you begin to have these conversations, help your teen focus on answering this question: "Am I a contributor or a consumer?" The good news is that you can help your teen think through the purpose of dating and make sure they know the difference between being a contributor and a consumer.

Signs of a consumer:

-- They can ACT friendly, kind or compassionate to get something they want.

-- Transactional and self-focused approach to dating.

-- Motivated by getting rather than giving.

Signs of a contributor:

-- They ARE friendly, kind and compassionate out of love for someone else.

-- Others-focused and grateful approach to dating.

-- Focused on giving rather than receiving.

Another important element in seeing if your teen is ready to date is communicating clearly about boundaries and expectations. Using a dating contract can be a helpful way for you to get on the same page with your teen.

You can go to FocusOnParenting.com to learn more about creating appropriate boundaries for your teens and also explore our dating contract to help your kids enter into new relationships with healthy boundaries and expectations.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'd say my wife and I have a good marriage. I'd like to move it to great, but I'm not very adept at the "warm fuzzy" stuff. What's your advice?

Jim: I get this question all the time from men. I think it's basically a matter of perspective, so I encourage them to approach their relationships with their wives like they would a teammate.

Many of us guys have been involved with sports at some point, or we've seen well-functioning organizations. A lot of the same principles apply to both settings. When you create a culture of respect and hard work among teammates, you can be successful at just about anything. I've heard a two-time Super Bowl champion say it this way: "When teammates give their best as individuals, they make each other better."

The best teams aren't necessarily those with the most gifted players. Winning often comes down to teammates who are willing to work hard to learn their roles and execute their assignments, while motivating one another toward excellence. Play as much for the guy next to you as you do for yourself. That's key to success -- in sports, in business and especially in marriage.

Your wife is your teammate through life. Be willing to work as hard (even harder) at your relationship with her as you do at your job or the hobbies you enjoy. Know your role on the team and handle your business. I'm sure she has a few things that she needs to work on, too, but don't make that your primary focus. She'll be motivated to improve her part in your marriage when you step up and improve yours. And when everybody does their part, the team succeeds.

For more ideas to help your marriage thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: This will sound terrible, but I hate Valentine's Day. All the hype about love and romance just emphasizes what a disappointment my own marriage has become. Is there any hope for us?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I hurt for you, and I understand how painful Valentine's Day can be for those in struggling marriages.

There are many reasons why love may fade in marriage. Serious problems like abuse, extramarital affairs, addiction and mental illness can certainly squelch feelings of romance. If you have encountered any of these painful experiences, I'd encourage you to seek counseling. Our staff counselors would be happy to help point you in the right direction; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Meanwhile, husbands and wives can "fall out of love" for other reasons, too. Stresses involving kids, work and finances can cause a couple to drift apart over the years -- until one day they realize the only thing they share is a tube of toothpaste. If this is where you find yourselves, please don't give up. There are many things you can do to get your marriage back on track ... but sitting back and waiting for flowers isn't one of them.

One remedy I strongly recommend is couples relearning how to have fun together. Research shows that that 92% of couples who make regular date nights a priority report increased satisfaction in their relationships. It doesn't have to be extravagant, although there's certainly a place for the occasional splurge. The point is to establish a habit of consistent connection -- going for a walk or coffee and just rekindling the friendship that drew you together. It makes a huge difference.

That's why my wife, Erin, and I wrote a book together titled "Take the Date Night Challenge." You can order a copy, and find a number of related resources, at FocusOnTheFamily.com. I wish you all the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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