Q: I'm finally at the point where I have to admit that my husband appears to have a compulsive gambling problem. It used to just be the occasional card game with the guys, but these days he has multiple online accounts and places bets each week on more sports contests than I can even follow. Do you have any insights?

Jim: Unfortunately, in the past few years gambling has come right out into the mainstream. It's no longer limited to casinos or hidden websites -- the legalization of gambling in various forms (especially sports wagering) means that you basically can't escape television commercials or social media ads touting how easy it is to gamble. In my opinion, it's part of a much larger problem in our society as vices become normalized.

Here's my take. Objective research has long shown that gambling is an especially dangerous practice with the serious potential for developing into a damaging addiction. Addictions by nature are progressive in nature; there's a direct line that can (and very often does) stretch from availability to addiction.

In other words, the easier it is to access something "on demand," the more likely for that thing to become addictive. In this case, that can play out as a sports fan checking his phone app and finding that he's several hundred dollars in the hole after a quick series of impulsive one-touch prop bets while hanging out with his buddies.

The truth is that gambling isn't as innocuous as many seem to suppose. It's actually predicated on the losses, pain and suffering of others. For one person to win at gambling, others must lose. And often the biggest losers are the gambler's closest loved ones. Families touched by a gambling addiction are at increased risk for such negative outcomes as divorce, bankruptcy, child abuse, domestic violence, crime and suicide. Gambling also exploits and preys upon the desperation of the poor. The National Gambling Impact Study Commission found that those with incomes of less than $10,000 spend more on lottery tickets than any other group, while high school dropouts spend four times as much as college graduates.

Meanwhile, there's one ironclad rule to gambling: the house (the gambling institution) ultimately comes out on top.

If your husband is a compulsive gambler, as you suspect, then it's only a matter of time before his escalating condition lands him in some serious trouble. He may very well deny that there's a problem. Dr. Robert Custer, a trailblazer in the field of gambling diagnosis and treatment, says that denial, in the psychiatric context, "means refusing to acknowledge something to oneself, getting oneself to actually believe that there is no danger at all." It's a very common mindset among those who struggle with an addiction to gambling.

That's why it's critical to confront the issue head-on. Urge your husband to get some kind of professional help. If he's unwilling to listen, see if you can enlist the help of an objective third party -- a pastor, a relative or a male friend who agrees with your assessment of the situation and who would be willing to come alongside you in order to strengthen your case.

If all else fails, try to pull together a group of friends and supporters who can help you stage a formal intervention. You may want to include a licensed counselor or therapist who specializes in this kind of activity. Overcoming addiction of any kind is a long process that requires trained guidance. Our counseling department can help direct you to qualified individuals all over the country; call 855-771-HELP (4357) or see FocusOnTheFamily.com. I wish you the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: What's your take on New Year's resolutions? Every year I make a list -- then struggle and usually give up within a few weeks. I'm already juggling so many things in life; is it even worth trying to add more?

Jim: On one hand, I believe there's a lot to be said for strategically setting a few reasonable goals and making the effort to attain them. I'd advise making them measurable ("exercise for 30 minutes three times a week" or "read one book a month") and then enlisting other people to encourage you and help you stay on track.

That said, I'd also suggest making some "non-resolutions" for the year. Non-resolutions aren't about what we decide to add to our lives. They're about all the things we decide to leave behind.

For example, a non-resolution could be resolving to not dwell on the negative events of the past year. Instead, forgive people who have hurt you and choose to move forward with a better outlook for what this coming year can hold.

Or try resolving to limit your use of technology. Make the decision that this year you're going to cut back on phone and text messages to emphasize face-to-face communication and one-on-one time with your family.

Another idea: Don't let mistakes you've made over the past 12 months determine how the next 12 months will go. Handle whatever consequences you may be facing, but don't wallow in regret -- learn from your mistakes and get on with your life.

In short, living well is just as much about what we choose to leave behind as it is what we choose to add. I'm reminded of the quote that says, "Our strength doesn't come from desperately hanging on, but from gracefully letting go." So, as you think about resolutions for this year, consider including a few non-resolutions as well.

Q: My wife and I realized this past year that after many years of marriage, we're just ... bored. We still love each other and are committed to the relationship. We want to make positive changes this coming year, but we feel stuck. Is this just the way marriage goes for everyone?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Let me share an analogy. Think back over the past few weeks -- say, since Thanksgiving -- and consider all the great food you have probably enjoyed. That freshly roasted turkey just out of the oven with stuffing, gravy and pumpkin pie. Or those delicious cookies that melted in your mouth. Pretty nice, huh?

But after a few days, and the fifth straight meal of leftover turkey chased down with almost-stale cookies ... maybe not so much. There's still plenty of food left, but you're losing interest and tired of the same thing. The containers of excess food get pushed to the back of the fridge.

Marriage can be a lot like that. As newlyweds you probably spent most of your free time together. But like most of us, as life settled into a routine, you started settling for leftovers. The passion and excitement were replaced by the mundane. From there, the relationship got pushed further and further into the background of life.

The answer is to take action in your marriage. Make it the main dish in life's banquet, using fresh ingredients. In other words, resolve this year to make your relationship THE priority. Date your wife. Do things outside your normal, everyday routine to revive the freshness your relationship once had. New hobbies, service projects, getaway weekends, education -- do things together. I might humbly suggest my book Take the Date Night Challenge, or you can find plenty of ideas to help your marriage thrive at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Another year, another Christmas when the whole extended family comes to our house. And every year my wife's stress level skyrockets as the holiday gets closer. I don't even know what to say or do to help her. Do you have any advice?

Jim: This season should be filled with celebration and fun. But all too often Christmas becomes a source of stress that isn't fun for anyone.

I think a primary reason is expectations -- real or imagined. We allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by what "should" be included in a celebration. That's especially true for many women. Sometimes those expectations are very specific: "Christmas dinner must include these six labor-intensive dishes because that's how Grandma did it." Sometimes they're more subtle -- particularly if they're self-inflicted ("I just know everybody expects me to create better handmade decorations than Aunt June had at Thanksgiving.") And the bigger the gathering, the more perceived pressure.

I would suggest an immediate "timeout" to talk with your wife about all of this. Ask what stresses her the most. Discuss where those expectations are coming from -- and are they even real? Is it actually necessary to have three elaborately wrapped gifts for each person? Does Cousin John really need (or expect) three dessert choices ... or will he be satisfied with just pumpkin pie? Strategize together about what can be included versus what might be, and what will be plenty good enough.

Then step up to the plate. Ask your wife for very specific tasks that you (and the kids) can cover. Refill the ice trays and punch bowl; load/unload the dishwasher; take out the trash as soon as the can is full; etc. I predict you'll see her stress level ease as she recognizes she won't have to do everything herself -- or even everything she expects.

Q: Our marriage is struggling, and it's affecting our parenting. We want to give our kids a memorable Christmas, but under the circumstances, we're not sure how. What should we do?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: This is a great question. I hope you're ready for the answer, and it's not more toys. You're experiencing what I like to refer to as "marrenting issues." These are the moments where marriage struggles can affect parenting dynamics, and parenting stress can affect marriage dynamics.

Both need careful attention so that you can provide meaningful memories for your kids not only during the Christmas season, but the entire year too. Children do much better emotionally, mentally and spiritually if their parents focus on modeling healthy ways of working through disagreements and imperfections.

Here are a couple of practical thoughts to ponder when entering this Christmas season with intentionality and love.

What's the Best Gift We Can Give? You might think that giving your kids more gifts will solve problems during the holidays. But this approach simply leads to temporary feelings -- not lasting benefits. The most satisfying gift you can give your kids is the stability of a healthy marriage. This gift provides the security and trust to create a home your children can be proud of as they grow up.

Invest in Your Family Foundation. What kind of home are you building? Even with the distractions of the Christmas season -- or marriage difficulties -- you have an incredible opportunity. Find one thing each day to do for your spouse that makes it a better day. Encourage your children to share their ideas to make Christmas more meaningful.

If you'd like to speak with a counselor, you can call us for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357). To learn more about how to manage parenting through difficult seasons, explore our resources at www.FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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